Paula Brukmüller - Flowers from Greece - The Autobiography of the Journalist Who Turned a Personal Tragedy into an Inspiring World Tour

I noticed Solon trying to catch my reaction or waiting for me to answer back, but I acted so calmly that it surprised both him and myself. I just mentally repeated that it wasn’t with me.

I closed the laptop, that was on my lap, and placed it quietly on the coffee table. I gathered my notebook, my phone, and my computer, and left quietly.

Over the days, I began to see traits in Isadora that were similar to my mother during my teenage years. When she was annoyed by something, she didn’t care about who was near her, she’d just explode without thinking about the damage she could do. A little bit bitter and almost always thinking the whole world was against her.

The times I went downtown with her, we could talk about many things and she told me a lot about her life. She cared for her elderly father alone, two small children, two hostels, and some guesthouses to manage, no recognition from her brother and partner. In addition to depression and a newly healed tumor in her head, which she was afraid it would return at any moment, she complained of headaches every day and often asked me to massage her neck and forehead. I felt compassion for Isadora, seeing in her the same needs I had already recognized in my mother: attention, affection, and care. Basically, what every human being looks for: love.

Ileft my things in the bedroom, put on my bikini and shorts, and ran to the beach restaurant. I was hungry, but I had missed lunch time. As I waited for the margherita pizza on the counter, I noticed a tall, shaved dark-haired boy. Very blue eyes, very large and very black eyelashes and a well trimmed beard. Beside him there was a youthful blonde, smooth-skinned and green-eyed, and another guy, shorter but also very handsome. The one with the shaved head was nice, but I soon looked away.

On WhatsApp there was a message from Luis saying he had a surprise for me:

- I don’t like surprises – I said, rolling my eyes.

- It’s in my room, you’ll have to go there to see it – he said. It seemed like I wasn’t talking to the same person and that annoyed me. He didn’t seem to understand my language, although it was the same language.

I didn’t answer anymore and, still with the taste of basil in my mouth, I went down the wooden deck and lay on a chair facing the sea. A few feet from me, the blue-eyed boy and the green-eyed girl were already lying face down on towels in the sand, their eyes closed and in complete silence.

I looked at my cell phone again and didn’t open Luis’s last message. He wanted to know where I was, but I felt lazy to reply to him. I knew I still needed to talk about this mess he was making, but right now I wanted some peace.

I put on the headphones and closed my eyes, feeling the sun warm my skin. Even with the music playing, I could still hear the noise of the sea and the laughter of a group of guests talking above on the restaurant deck.

After a few hours concentrated on the gentle blowing wind, I was surprised by a kiss on my belly button. I got up quickly and it was Luis.

- Goddammit, I’ve got a fright. Don’t do that ever again! – I said, annoyed.

- Sorry, I couldn’t resist it – He smiled, showing that he couldn’t really understand my signals. – The sun will set soon, can I see it with you?

- The beach is public – turning my back, avoiding looking at him from under the sunglasses as I sat on the chair hiding my belly and legs with my sarong.

I wanted to kick him out of there, but I just couldn’t. Luís aroused in me a terrible feeling of pity.

I left things as they were, we watched the sunset together and I went back to the room alone to take a shower before dinner. That whole situation was making me exhausted and I wanted more than ever a poisonous drink prepared by Nick, the friendly American bartender who worked at the reception bar at night.

When I arrived at the restaurant for dinner, Luis immediately came toward me and gave me another kiss. It seemed he wanted to show people that he was with me. I didn’t like it and walked in Luana’s direction quickly, she was watching me standing by the buffet.

I got myself some pesto noodles, grilled chicken breast, and a mixture of broccoli with some other braised vegetables. I sat next to Luana at one of the tables where a group of volunteers chatted happily and Luis, of course, sat next to me. I was so nervous I didn’t notice who the other people around were. He kept putting his hand on my leg and my back all the time.

- Stop touching me, Luis, please – I asked, holding his hand tightly and pulling it off my thigh.

- Sorry, I forget you tickle – He replied laughing as I took a deep breath to contain the anger that was beginning to consume me.

When dinner was over, I got up and walked near Luana, who was waiting for the time to pick up the dishes by the serving line.

- Please save me. I don’t know what to do with him anymore – I said, holding her hands tightly before Luis arrived, placing his hand on my waist once more.

- Please take your hands off me, Luis – I said as politely as I could without taking my eyes off Luana.

- Sorry, I always forget that you tickle – he spoke with his accent that I once found charming, but now it made me sick.

- I don’t tickle – I explained, trying to see in his face if he could understand that I didn’t want him close to me.

- Can you leave us alone please? We’re talking about something private – I kept turning my eyes away from him.

He walked away still laughing, which pissed me off even more. My gaze on Luana was one of utter despair.

- I’m sorry about that, but I’d like to thank you – Luana held my hands again – Before you arrived, I was the victim.

- How come? Were you with him too? – I asked.

- No, thank God, no. But he pissed me off for a few days. He is really desperate to find a girlfriend since he arrived here three or four days ago. You’ll need to be very clear but still he won’t understand well. Mainly because you’ve kissed him before. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

I waited for Luana to finish her work and was relieved to see Luis leaving the restaurant with the rest of the volunteers.

When we arrived at the reception bar, guests and staff were excited for another night of games and drunkenness. Luis, as I expected, ran to me and put his hand around my waist again, lifting his chin all proud.

- Let’s go outside, Luis. I wanna talk to you – I said, taking his arms off my body.

- Do you want to go to my room to see the surprise I told you about? – he asked me with a sensual voice.

- We can go to your room, but I don’t wanna see any surprises. I want to say something much more serious. – I said it crossing the street toward the lodge in a hurry. I wanted to have a final conversation with him, and I knew I needed more privacy, as it seemed Luis couldn’t understand the reality.

When we entered the room, two single mattresses were on the floor forming a double bed and this pissed me off even more.

- This is my surprise. A double bed in a room with a balcony for you – he spread his arms, showing the tidy space.

- Luis, I’m sorry to frustrate your expectations – I said, heading for the balcony that overlooked the other rooms – I want to tell you as clearly as I can that you are getting it all wrong. I said I don’t want to be with anyone and I made a mistake kissing you, I hope you will forgive me for that. I’m sorry if you understood I wanted something serious with you. I can’t make myself clear, I’m really uncomfortable with your presence.

He tried to hold my hands and looked at me with disbelief. Hoping that at some point I’d say I was joking. And that started to make me even angrier.