Ed Macy - Apache

Equipped with mighty 2,240 shaft horse power Rolls Royce engines, the Apache is twenty-two times more powerful than a Porsche 911. In spite of the aircraft’s behemoth size and massive combat weight, these engines make the aircraft as agile and as easy to manoeuvre as any helicopter the army has ever had. The high-power engines also allow the Apache to climb in excess of 5,000 feet a minute, as well as to perform a 360-degree loop, barrel roll or wing over nose dive. The photo above is a mirror image of an Apache performing a manoeuvre.

Following an anticlockwise circuit of the four northern platoon houses where we’d spent most of our first tour, our last stop was Gereshk, twenty kilometres from Camp Bastion, where we refuelled (above). There are no more inspiring places to fly than southern Afghanistan, and it is unlike anywhere I have ever been before. The landscape can only be described as both epic and primeval, and everything about it is extreme.

By the end of the first week, the Boss introduced two initiatives that caused morale to soar. After assigning all the aircraft porn star names to replace the dry series of letters and numbers, it was time to rename the pilots by allocating tactical callsigns. The first woman ever to fly a British Apache, Charlotte (left) was given the official callsign of ‘Posh’. Not even Tony (right) – the best pilot in the Squadron – would deny that he looked uncannily like a chimp, so he was named for the missing link and his official callsign became ‘Darwin’. I was christened ‘Elton’, as in ‘Rocket Man’, for an unfortunate disaster at Gereshk.

The Emergency Scramble is the biggest adrenalin rush of the four main tasks designated to the Apache Flights. Two Apaches are under starter’s orders 24/7, ready to lift for any location in the province. We scramble to bail out troops in contact and cover Chinooks when they’re on reinforcement or medivac flights. It’s proper seat-of-your-pants, World-War-Two-fighter-pilot stuff that always involves a mad dash to the flight line. There are two types of scramble. If the scramble is to a location that’s not under fire, a vehicle accident in the desert, for example, only one aircraft – the Incident Response Team – would escort the Chinook. Two Apaches – the Helmand Reaction Force – would lift for medivacs in the Green Zone and other dangerous locations, and in support of troops in contact. The image above shows me in close escort during an Emergency Scramble.

The Leader of the Opposition, David Cameron, had already beaten Blair to a Helmand visit in July. Helmand had been a new and sexy war at the time, so the new and sexy politicians had been all over it like a rash. They didn’t go to Iraq anymore; they came to Afghanistan. And, in Cameron’s case, that even included a tour of an Apache cockpit.

Ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair’s clandestine visit was the worst-kept secret in Camp Bastion; everyone had known about it for days. ‘Listen, I know you all know who’s coming out,’ the Boss said one night at an evening brief. ‘But from now on, please stop talking about it. It’s supposed to be classified.’ A posh-looking marquee was set up for Blair’s one-hour meet-and-greet visit, complete with the biggest tray of croissants I’d ever seen. In addition to opening a book on who could get the longest handshake with the PM, there was a challenge to see who could ask the oddest question of him and still get an answer. Darwin wanted to ask Blair for a picture – and then follow it up by handing him the camera to take a picture of us. In the end, we all simply gathered sheepishly around Blair; the only rebellion the odd thumbs-up behind him. After a fifteen-minute speech, we hadn’t learned anything new, and I wondered why he’d bothered to come all that way. Still, the bacon croissant was nice.

We quickly realised we were the only chance for Lance Corporal Ford, the marine behind enemy lines. With alternatives quickly falling by the wayside, we came up with a rescue plan that involved strapping marines to the Apaches’ wings. Squabbling among the ranks had cost us valuable time and so, with less fuel than was legally required to get back to camp, we began the rescue mission. There were a million what ifs. I had the answers, but not the time. A three-day planning conference would have been nice. Instead, I had twenty seconds. The best instructions I could give to the four marine volunteers from Colonel Magowan’s Command Post: strap yourselves to the wings so that, if shot, you don’t fall off. And, when we get to Jugroom Fort, rescue Lance Corporal Ford and strap yourselves back to the wings. As simple and as complicated as that.

105s:105mm Light Gun – Towed Artillery used by the Paras and the Marines

2i/c:Second in Command

30 Mike Mike:Military slang for 30 millimetre or the Apache’s Cannon rounds