Джоэль Харрис - Nights With Uncle Remus

"He study 'bout it long time, en den he went out in de timber en cut 'im two crooked sticks, en tie um on his head, en start off ter whar de hawn creeturs meet at. W'en he git dar Mr. Bull ax 'im who is he, w'at he want, whar he come frum, en whar he gwine. Brer Wolf, he 'low:—

"'Ba-a-a! I'm name little Sook Calf!'"

"Eh-eh! Look out, now!" exclaimed 'Tildy, enthusiastically.

"Mr. Bull look at Brer Wolf mighty hard over his specks, but atter a w'ile he go off some'rs else, en Brer Wolf take his place in de muster.

"Well, den, bimeby, terreckerly, dey got ter talkin' en tellin' der 'sperence des like de w'ite folks does at class-meetin'. W'iles dey 'uz gwine on dis a-way, a great big hoss-fly come sailin' 'roun', en Brer Wolf tuck'n fergit hisse'f, en snap at 'im.

"All dis time Brer Rabbit bin hidin' out in de bushes watchin' Brer Wolf, en w'en he see dis he tuck'n break out in a laugh. Brer Bull, he tuck'n holler out, he did:—

"'Who dat laughin' en showin' der manners?'

"Nobody ain't make no answer, en terreckerly Brer Rabbit holler out:—

"' O kittle-cattle, kittle-cattle, whar yo' eyes? Who ever see a Sook Calf snappin' at flies? '

"De hawn creeturs dey all look 'roun' en wonder w'at dat mean, but bimeby dey go on wid dey confab. 'T wa'n't long 'fo' a flea tuck'n bite Brer Wolf 'way up on de back er de neck, en 'fo' he know what he doin', he tuck'n squat right down en scratch hisse'f wid his behime foot."

"Enty!" exclaimed Daddy Jack.

"Dar you is!" said 'Tildy.

"Brer Rabbit, he tuck'n broke out in 'n'er big laugh en 'sturb um all, en den he holler out:—

"' Scritchum-scratchum, lawsy, my laws! Look at dat Sook Calf scratchin' wid claws! '

"Brer Wolf git mighty skeer'd, but none er de hawn creeturs ain't take no notice un 'im, en 't wa'n't long 'fo' Brer Rabbit holler out ag'in:—

"' Rinktum-tinktum, ride 'im on a rail! Dat Sook Calf got a long bushy tail! '

"De hawn creeturs, dey go on wid der confab, but Brer Wolf git skeerder en skeerder, 'kaze he notice dat Mr. Bull got his eye on 'im. Brer Rabbit, he ain't gin 'im no rest. He holler out:—

"' One en one never kin make six, Sticks ain't hawns, en hawns ain't sticks! '

"Wid dat Brer Wolf make ez ef he gwine 'way fum dar, en he wa'n't none too soon, needer, 'kaze ole Mr. Bull splunge at 'im, en little mo' en he'd er nat'ally to' 'im in two."

"Did Brother Wolf get away?" the little boy asked.

"Yas, Lord!" said Aunt Tempy, with unction; "he des scooted 'way fum dar, en he got so mad wid Brer Rabbit, dat he tuck'n play dead, en wud went 'roun' dat dey want all de creeturs fer ter go set up wid 'im. Brer Rabbit, he went down dar fer ter look at 'im, en time he see 'im, he ex:—

"'Is he grin yit?'

"All de creeturs dey up'n say he ain't grin, not ez dey knows un. Den Brer Rabbit, he 'low, he did:—

"'Well, den, gentermuns all, ef he ain't grin, den he ain't dead good. In all my 'speunce folks ain't git dead good tel dey grins.' 79 79 See Uncle Remus: His Songs and his Sayings , p. 60.

"W'en Brer Wolf year Brer Rabbit talk dat a-way, he tuck'n grin fum year ter year, en Brer Rabbit, he picked up his hat en walkin'-cane en put out fer home, en w'en he got 'way off in de woods he sot down en laugh fit ter kill hisse'f."

Uncle Remus had paid Aunt Tempy the extraordinary tribute of pausing in his work to listen to her story, and when she had concluded it, he looked at her in undisguised admiration, and exclaimed:—

"I be bless, Sis Tempy, ef you ain't wuss'n w'at I is, en I'm bad 'nuff', de Lord knows I is!"

Aunty Tempy did not attempt to conceal the pleasure which Uncle Remus's praise gave her. She laughed somewhat shyly, and said:—

"Bless you, Brer Remus! I des bin a-settin' yer l'arnin'. 'Sides dat, Chris'mus ain't fur off en I 'speck we er all a-feelin' a sight mo' humorsome dan common."

"Dat's so, Sis Tempy. I 'uz comin' thoo de lot des 'fo' supper, en I seed de pigs runnin' en playin' in de win', en I 'low ter myse'f, sez I, 'Sholy dey's a-gwine ter be a harrycane,' en den all at once hit come in my min' dat Chris'mus mighty close at han', en den on ter dat yer come de chickens a-crowin' des now en 't ain't nine er'clock. I dunner how de creeturs know Chris'mus comin', but dat des de way it stan's."

The little boy thought it was time enough to think about Christmas when the night came for hanging up his stockings, and he asked Uncle Remus if it was n't his turn to tell a story. The old man laid down the piece of glass with which he had been scraping the cow's horn, and hunted around among his tools for a piece of sandpaper before he replied. But his reply was sufficient. He said:—

"One time w'iles Brer Rabbit wuz gwine thoo de woods he tuck'n strak up wid ole Brer Fox, en Brer Fox 'low, he did, dat he mighty hongry. Brer Rabbit 'low dat he ain't feelin' dat a-way hisse'f, 'kaze he des bin en had er bait er w'ite muscadimes, en den he tuck'n smack he mouf en lick he chops right front er Brer Fox. Brer Fox, he ax, sezee:—

"'Brer Rabbit, whar de name er goodness is deze yer w'ite muscadimes, en how come I'm ain't never run 'crosst um?' sezee.

"'I dunner w'at de reason you ain't never come up wid um,' sez Brer Rabbit, sezee; 'some folks sees straight, some sees crooked, some sees one thing, some sees 'n'er. I done seed dem ar w'ite muscadimes, en let 'lone dat, I done wipe um up. I done e't all dey wuz on one tree, but I lay dey's lots mo' un um 'roun' in dem neighborhoods,' sezee.

"Ole Brer Fox mouf 'gun to water, en he git mighty restless.

"'Come on, Brer Rabbit; come on! Come show me whar dem ar w'ite muscadimes grows at,' sezee.

"Brer Rabbit, he sorter hang back. Brer Fox, he 'low:—

"'Come on, Brer Rabbit, come on!'

"Brer Rabbit, he hang back, en bimeby he 'low:—

"'Uh-uh, Brer Fox! You wanter git me out dar in de timber by myse'f en do sump'n' ter me. You wanter git me out dar en skeer me.'

"Ole Brer Fox, he hol' up he han's, he do, en he 'low:—

"'I des 'clar' 'fo' gracious, Brer Rabbit, I ain't gwine do no sech uv a thing. I dunner w'at kinder 'pinion you got 'bout me fer ter have sech idee in yo' head. Come on, Brer Rabbit, en less we go git dem ar w'ite muscadimes. Come on, Brer Rabbit.'

"'Uh-uh, Brer Fox! I done year talk er you playin' so many prank wid folks dat I fear'd fer ter go 'way off dar wid you.'

"Dey went on dat a-way," continued Uncle Remus, endeavoring to look at the little boy through the crooked cow's horn, "twel bimeby Brer Fox promise he ain't gwine ter bodder 'long er Brer Rabbit, en den dey tuck'n put out. En whar you 'speck dat ar muscheevous Brer Rabbit tuck'n kyar' Brer Fox?"

Uncle Remus paused and gazed around upon his audience with uplifted eyebrows, as if to warn them to be properly astonished. Nobody made any reply, but all looked expectant, and Uncle Remus went on:—

"He ain't kyar 'im nowhars in de roun' worl' but ter one er deze yer great big scaly-bark trees. De tree wuz des loaded down wid scaly-barks, but dey wa'n't ripe, en de green hulls shined in de sun des lak dey ben whitewash'. Brer Fox look 'stonish'. Atter w'ile he up'n 'low:—

"'Is dem ar de w'ite muscadimes? Mighty funny I ain't fine it out 'fo' dis.'

"Ole Brer Rabbit, he scratch hisse'f en 'low:—

"'Dems um. Dey may n't be ripe ez dem w'at I had fer my brekkus, but dems de w'ite muscadimes sho' ez youer bawn. Dey er red bullaces 80 80 Another name for muscadines. en dey er black bullaces, but deze yer, dey er de w'ite bullaces.'

"Brer Fox, sezee, 'How I gwine git um?'

"Brer Rabbit, sezee, 'You'll des hatter do lak I done.'