Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl

'What about the hole?'

Root smirked. 'See for yourself.'

Holly glanced over. Retrieval had jimmied a hologram lead into the existing electricity sockets and were projecting an unbattered wall over the hole. The holograms were handy for quick patches, but no good under scrutiny. Anyone who examined the wall too closely would have noticed that the slightly transparent patch was exactly the same as the stretch beside it. In this case there were two identical patches of spiderweb cracks and two reproductions of the same Rembrandt. But the people inside the pizzeria were in no condition to examine walls, and by the time they woke up, the wall would have been repaired by the Telekinetic Division and the entire paranormal experience would be removed from their memories.

A Retrieval officer bolted from the restroom.

'Commander!'

'Yes, Sergeant?'

'There's a human in here, sir. The Concusser didn't reach him.

He's coming, sir. Right now, sir!'

'Shields!' barked Root. 'Everyone!'

Holly tried. She really did. But it wouldn't come. Her magic was gone. A toddler waddled out of the bathroom, his eyes heavy with sleep. He pointed a pudgy finger directly at Holly.

'Ciao, folletta,' he said, before climbing into his father's lap to continue his snooze.

Root shimmered back into the visible spectrum. He was, if possible, even angrier than before.

'What happened to your shield, Short?'

Holly swallowed.

'Stress, Commander,' she offered hopefully.

Root wasn't having any of it.

'You lied to me, Captain. You're not running hot at all, are you?'

Holly shook her head mutely.

'How long since you completed the Ritual?'

Holly chewed her lip.

'I'd say… about… four years, sir.'

Root nearly popped a vein.

'Four…Four years? It's a wonder you lasted this long! Do it now.Tonight! You're not coming below ground again without your powers. You're a danger to yourself and your fellow officers!'

'Yessir.'

'Get a set of Hummingbirds from Retrieval and zip across to the old country. There's a full moon tonight.'

'Yessir.'

'And don't think I've forgotten about this shambles. We'll talk about it when you get back.'

'Yessir. Very good, sir.'

Holly turned to go, but Root cleared his throat for attention.

'Oh, and Captain Short…'

'Yessir?'

Root's face had lost its purple tinge and he almost seemed embarrassed.

'Well done on the life-saving thing. Could have been worse, an awful lot worse.'

Holly beamed behind her visor. Perhaps she wouldn't be kicked out of Recon after all.

'Thank you, sir.'

Root grunted, his complexion returning to its normal ruddy hue.

'Now get out of here, and don't come back until you're full to the tips of your ears with magic!'

Holly sighed. So much for gratitude.

'Yes, sir. On my way, sir.'

Artemis’s main problem was one of location — how to locate a leprechaun. This was one sly bunch of fairies, hanging around for God knows how many millennia and still not one photo, not one frame of video. Not even a Loch-Ness-type hoax. They weren't exactly a sociable group. And they were smart too. No one had ever got his hands on fairy gold. But no one had ever had access to the Book either.

And puzzles were so simple when you had the key.

Artemis had summoned the Butlers to his study, and spoke to them now from behind a mini-lectern.

'There are certain rituals every fairy must complete to renew his magic,' explained Artemis.

Butler and Juliet nodded, as though this were a normal briefing.

Artemis flicked through his hard copy of the Book and selected a passage.

'From the earth thine power flows,

Given through courtesy, so thanks are owed.

Pluck thou the magick seed,

Where full moon, ancient oak and twisted water meet.

And bury it far from where it was found,

So return your gift into the ground.'

Artemis closed the text.

'Do you see?'

Butler and Juliet kept nodding, while still looking thoroughly mystified.

Artemis sighed.

'The leprechaun is bound by certain rituals. Very specific rituals, I might add. We can use them to track one down.'

Juliet raised a hand, even though she herself was four years Artemis's senior.

'Yes?'

'Well, the thing is, Artemis,' she said hesitantly, twisting a strand of blonde hair in a way that several of the local louts considered extremely attractive. 'The bit about leprechauns.'

Artemis frowned. It was a bad sign.

'Your point, Juliet?'

'Well, leprechauns. You know they're not real, don't you?'

Butler winced. It was his fault really. He'd never got around to filling in his sister on the mission parameters.

Artemis scowled reprovingly at him.

'Butler hasn't already talked to you about this?'

'No. Was he supposed to?'

'Yes, he certainly was. Perhaps he thought you'd laugh at him.'

Butler squirmed. That was exactly what he'd thought. Juliet was the only person alive who laughed at him with embarrassing regularity. Most other people did it once. Just once.

Artemis cleared his throat.

'Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron.'

Butler nodded weakly. Juliet was unconvinced.

'Very well. Now, as I was saying, the People have to fulfil a specific ritual to renew their powers. According to my interpretation, they must pick a seed from an ancient oak tree by the bend in a river. And they must do this during the full moon.'

The light began to dawn in Butler's eyes.

'So all we have to do…'

'Is run a cross-reference through the weather satellites, which I already have. Believe it or not, there aren't that many ancient oaks left, if you take ancient to be a hundred years plus. When you factor in the river bend and full moon, there are precisely one hundred and twenty-nine sites to be surveyed in this country.'

Butler grinned. Stakeout. Now the Master was talking his language.

'There are preparations to be made for our guest's arrival,' said Artemis, handing a typewritten sheet of A4 to Juliet. 'These alterations must be made to the cellar. See to it, Juliet. To the letter.'

'Yes, Arty.'

Artemis frowned, but only slightly. For reasons that he couldn't quite fathom, he didn't mind terribly when Juliet called him by the pet name his mother had for him.

Butler scratched his chin thoughtfully. Artemis noticed the gesture.

'Query?'

'Well, Artemis. The sprite in Ho Chi Minh City…'

Artemis nodded.

'I know. Why didn't we simply abduct her?'

'Yes, sir.'

'According to Chi Lun's Almanac of the People, a seventh-century manuscript recovered from the lost city of Sh'shamo: "Once a fairy has taken spirits with the Mud People" — that's us, by the way — "they are forever dead to their brothers and sisters." So there was no guarantee that that particular fairy was worth even an ounce of gold.

No, my old friend, we need fresh blood. All clear?'

Butler nodded.

'Good. Now, there are several items you will need to procure for our moonlight jaunts.'

Butler scanned the sheet: basic field equipment, a few eyebrow raisers, nothing too puzzling until…

'Sunglasses? At night?'

When Artemis smiled, as he did now, one almost expected vampire fangs to sprout from his gums.

'Yes, Butler. Sunglasses. Trust me.'

And Butler did. Implicitly.

Holly activated the thermal coil in her suit and climbed to 4,000 metres. The Hummingbird wings were top of the range. The battery readout showed four red bars — more than enough for a quick jaunt through mainland Europe and across the British Isles. Of course, the regulations said always travel over water if possible, but Holly could never resist knocking the snowcap from the highest alp on her way past.