Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl. The Arctic Incident

Butler accelerated into the fast lane.

‘Master Artemis, I have had some experience in these matters.’

Artemis did not interrupt. Butler’s career before his current charge’s birth had been varied to say the least.

‘The pattern with kidnappers is to eliminate all witnesses. Then they will generally try to eliminate each other to avoid splitting the ransom.’

‘Your point being?’

‘My point being that paying a ransom in no way guarantees your father’s safety. If indeed that man is your father. It is quite possible that the kidnappers will take your money and then kill all of us.’

Artemis studied the screen. ‘You’re right, of course. I will have to devise a plan.’

Butler swallowed. He remembered the last plan. It had almost got them both killed, and could have plunged the planet into a cross-species war. Butler was a man who didn’t scare easily, but the spark in Artemis Fowl’s eyes was enough to send a shiver crackling down his spine.

CHUTE TERMINAL EI: TARA, IRELAND

Captain Holly Short had decided to work a double shift and proceed directly to the surface. She paused only for a nutri-bar and energy shake before hopping on the first shuttle to the terminal at Tara.

One of Tara’s officials was not making her journey any easier. The head of security was annoyed that Captain Short had not only put all chute traffic on hold to take a priority pod from El, but had then proceeded to commandeer an entire shuttle for the return journey.

‘Why don’t you check your system again?’ said Holly, through gritted teeth. ‘I’m sure the authorization from Police Plaza has arrived by now.’

The truculent gnome consulted his hand-held computer. ‘No, ma’am. I ain’t got nuthin.’

‘Look, Mister. ’

‘Commandant Terryl.’

‘Commandant Terryl. I’m on an important mission here. National security. I need you to keep the arrivals hall completely clear for the next couple of hours.’

Terryl made a great show of almost collapsing. ‘The next coupl’a hours!

Are you crazy, girly? I got three shuttles comin’ in from Atlantis. What’m I s’posed to tell ‘em? Tour’s off ‘cause of some LEP secret shenanigans. This is high season. I can’t just shut things down. No way, no how.’

Holly shrugged. ‘Fine. You just let all your tourists catch sight of the two humans I’m bringing down here. There’ll be a riot. I guarantee it.’

‘Two humans?’ said the head of security. ‘Inside the terminal? Are you nuts?’

Holly was running out of patience, and time. ‘Do you see this?’ she demanded, pointing to the insignia on her helmet. ‘I’m LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.’

Terryl drew himself up to his full height, which was about seventy centimetres. ‘Yeah, I heard a you. The crazy girly captain. Caused quite a stir up here last year, didn’t you? My tax ingots gonna be payin’ for that little screw-up for quite some time.’

‘Just ask Central, you bureaucratic idiot.’

‘Call me what you want, missy. We have our rules here, and without confirmation from below, ain’t nuthin I can do to change ‘em. ‘Specially not fer some gun-totin’ girly with an attitude problem.’

‘Well get on the blower to Police Plaza then!’

Terryl sniffed. ‘The magma flares have just started actin’ up. It’s hard to get a line. Maybe I’ll try again, after my rounds. Just you take yourself a seat in the departure lounge.’

Holly’s hand strayed towards her buzz baton.

‘You know what you’re doing, don’t you?’

‘What?’ croaked the gnome.

‘You’re obstructing an LEP operation.’

‘I ain’t obstructin’ nuthin

‘And, as such, it is in my power to remove said obstruction using any force that I deem necessary.’

‘Don’t you threaten me, missy.’

Holly drew the baton, twirling it expertly. ‘I’m not threatening you. I’m just informing you of police procedure. If you continue to obstruct me, I remove the obstruction, in this case you, and proceed to the next in command.’

Terryl was unconvinced. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’

Holly grinned. ‘I’m the crazy girly captain. Remember?’

The gnome considered it. It was unlikely the officer would buzz him, but then again who knew with female elves?

‘OK,’ he said, printing off a sheet on the computer. ‘This is a twenty-four-hour visa. But if you’re not back here in that time, I’ll have you taken into custody on your return. Then I’ll be the one making the threats.’

Holly snatched the sheet. ‘Whatever. Now, remember, make sure Arrivals is clear when I get back.’

IRELAND, EN ROUTE FROM ST BARTLEBY’S TO FOWL MANOR

Artemis was bouncing ideas off Butler. It was a technique he often used when trying to come up with a plan. After all, if anybody was an expert on covert operations, it was his bodyguard.

‘We can’t trace the MPEG?’

‘No, Artemis. I tried. They put a decay virus in with the e-mail. I only just managed to get the film on disk before the original disintegrated.’

‘What about the MPEG itself? Could we get a geographical fix from the stars?’

Butler smiled. Young Master Artemis was starting to think like a soldier.

‘No luck. I sent a shot to a friend of mine in NASA. He didn’t even bother putting it into the computer. Not enough definition.’

Artemis was silent for a minute.

‘How fast can we get to Russia?’

Butler drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘It depends.’

‘Depends on what?’

‘On how we go, legal or illegal.’

‘Which is quicker?’

Butler laughed. Something you didn’t hear very often. ‘Illegal is usually faster. Either way is going to be pretty slow. We can’t go by air, that’s for sure.

The Mafiya are going to have foot soldiers at every airstrip.’

‘Are we sure it’s the Mafiya?’

Butler glanced in the rear-view mirror. ‘I’m afraid so. All kidnappings go through the Mafiya. Even if an ordinary criminal managed to abduct your father, he would have to hand him over once the Mafiya had found out about it.’

Artemis nodded. ‘That’s what I thought. So we will have to travel by sea, and that will take a week at the very least. We could really use some help with transport.

Something the Mafiya won’t expect. How’s our ID situation?’

‘No problem. I thought we’d go native. We’ll arouse less suspicion. I have passports and visas.’

‘Da. What is our cover?’

‘What about Stefan Bashkir and his Uncle Constantin?’

‘Perfect. The chess prodigy and his chaperone.’ They had used this cover many times before on previous search missions. Once, a checkpoint official, himself a chess grandmaster, had doubted their story until Artemis beat him in six moves. The technique had since become known as the Bashkir Manoeuvre.

‘How soon can we leave?’

‘Almost immediately. Missus Fowl and Juliet are in Nice this week. That gives us eight days. We can mail the school, make up some excuse.’

‘I dare say St Bartleby’s will be glad to be rid of me for a while.’

‘We could go straight to the airport from Fowl Manor. The Lear jet is stocked. At least we can fly as far as Scandinavia and we can try to pick up a boat from there. I just have to pick up a few things at the manor first.’

Artemis could imagine exactly the kind of things his manservant wished to pick up. Sharp things and explosive things.

‘Good. The sooner the better. We’ve got to find these people before they know we’re looking. We can monitor e-mail as we go.’

Butler took the exit for Fowl Manor.