Brian Freeman - The Voice Inside

The morning was still early, but the sun was up. He parked across the street from the three-story building and eyed the top-floor window behind the fire escape where Duane lived. The curtains were closed. Half a block away, he saw the masts of the million-dollar boats whose owners could afford a slip on the bay. He rolled down the window and smelled the sea air. He and Shack finished the crab cocktail, and the cat licked the empty container until it fell on the floor of the truck.

When he looked at the building again, he saw a woman hurrying down the plaza steps that led to the sidewalk. Her red hair bounced. She wore big sunglasses and a purple dress, with a matching long-strapped purse slung over her shoulder. She looked as if she always had some place to go and couldn’t wait to get there.

It was Tabby.

Frost called to her, and she stopped in surprise next to a red Saab that was parked on the street. She saw him, and a warm smile lit up her face. She crossed the street and took note of Shack, who hopped on the dashboard and pushed his pink nose toward her face.

“Well, look who the cat dragged in,” she told Frost as she pulled off her sunglasses and let him drink in her green eyes. “Literally.”

“Yeah, I know who people really want to see,” Frost replied as Tabby rubbed Shack’s head.

He didn’t think he was wearing his grief on his face, but with a single knowing glance, Tabby assessed his expression and saw through him. “What’s going on, Frost?” she asked. “Are you okay?”

He told her.

Tabby’s smile vanished. Her face broke into sad little pieces. She put a hand on the back of his head and leaned closer until their foreheads touched through the car window. The simple intimacy of the gesture made him breathe harder. “Oh, Frost, I am so, so sorry.”

“Thanks. It doesn’t feel real.”

She opened his car door and grabbed his arm. “Come on, let’s take a walk.”

“No, you’re on your way somewhere. It’s okay.”

“I have to buy today’s fish down at the piers. Don’t worry, they know I’m coming. They’ll put aside the best catch for me even if I’m a couple minutes late.”

Frost let her pull him out of the Suburban. She reached in and grabbed Shack, too, despite her allergies. The cat nuzzled against her neck and settled comfortably in the crook of one arm. They walked down the block and crossed Marina Boulevard, with Tabby’s other arm slung through Frost’s elbow. She led him across an open space of green lawn until they found a bench in front of the bobbing speedboats and sailboats. Across the bay, the hills of Angel Island and Tiburon rose in front of them. Tabby put Shack down, and the cat sat calmly between them on the bench, squinting his eyes against the sea breeze. The sun was warm.

“Tell me about Jess,” Tabby said. “If I’m not prying.”

“You’re not.” He hesitated, not because he was reluctant to talk, but because he didn’t know how to describe her. “Jess was a deep track,” he said finally.

“What do you mean?”

“She wasn’t radio friendly. She wasn’t the song with the hook you can’t get out of your head. You’d have to listen to her a bunch of times to appreciate her, and then you’d be glad you did.”

“What a generous way of describing someone,” Tabby replied. “I really like it. I’d like to be a deep track for someone, but I’m afraid I’ll always be ‘Shut Up and Dance,’ you know what I mean?”

He thought she was being exceptionally unfair to herself.

“I know Jess was your boss,” Tabby went on, “but I get the feeling there was something personal with you two. Or am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not wrong. Jess and I were never going to be a great love affair. Even so, we had a connection. I’m not sure either one of us could have explained exactly what it was.”

“Sometimes those are the most important people. At least when you’re not driving each other crazy.”

Frost laughed. “Yes, that was me and Jess.”

Tabby smoothed the fur on Shack’s back. Her eyes were already pink and watery, but that didn’t seem to stop her. “Did you need something over at Duane’s place? He’s got plenty of leftovers in the freezer, so help yourself.”

“No, I just wanted to talk.”

“With Duane? Good luck. He’s always up and out at four in the morning. I feel like a slacker when I sleep until six.”

“Yeah, that’s Duane. Early riser.”

She gave him a strange look. “Did you want to talk to me ?”

“Actually, I did,” he admitted. He went on quickly, because he felt the need to explain. “You’ve been there. You know what it’s like to lose a friend. Especially that way.”

Even as he said it, he knew that he was lying. It was more than that. The fact that he was able to open up to Tabby about losing Jess was a neon warning sign that he felt a connection with her. Except he couldn’t afford to feel that way. Tabby had barbed wire around her. She was with Duane.

“Wow, I... I’m glad that you thought of me.” She added after a pause, “Hey, Duane and I are having dinner with your parents tonight at Boulevard. You should come with us.”

“I don’t want to intrude. This is your chance to get to know Ned and Janice. Away from the support group, that is.”

Tabby took his hand. It felt way too natural for her to do so. “Really, Frost, I’d like you there.”

The safe thing to say was no, but he heard himself tell her, “Sure. Okay.”

“Excellent. Seven o’clock.” She added, “Speaking of the support group, the families of the victims are meeting on Saturday afternoon. I have to work, but I hope you can make it.”

“I’m under orders to be there,” Frost said. “I’m sure they’ll all be happy to see me.”

“It won’t be so bad. I promise.”

“We’ll see about that.” Frost slid his phone from his pocket. “I met with Gilda Flores, by the way. I was in Nina’s room, and I saw a photo of the two of you. I thought you’d like to see it again.”

He showed her the picture he’d taken of Nina’s birthday button, showing Tabby and Nina cheek to cheek in her bedroom, with the memorabilia of her life on the wall behind them. They were two friends, inseparable, with the world at their feet and their whole lives ahead of them.

But that would only turn out to be true for one of them.

Tabby enlarged the photo to show their faces. “We look young.”

“You were.”

“I know, but nine years ago? It’s like an eternity. I can’t believe she’s been gone for so long. Look at us. That was a week before her twenty-first birthday. We had no idea. I mean, imagine if you could spin a wheel and know exactly when you were going to die. What if we’d spun it that day, and Nina saw that two weeks later, she’d be gone?”

“I’m glad there’s not a wheel like that,” Frost said.

“You wouldn’t want to know?”

“No.”

“I guess you’re right. I guess that’s the mystery.” She gave him back his phone, as if she didn’t want to stare at the past anymore. “I better go buy some fish.”

“Of course.”

“Unless you want me to stick around longer? I can if you want. Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Frost said.

“What’s your number?” she asked. When he gave it to her, she worked the keyboard on her phone. “I just texted you my number, too. Call me whenever, okay? I’m serious.”

“Thanks.”

Tabby stood up. She was about to leave, but then she tucked her phone back in her purse and sat down again. Shack bumped her with his head to get her to pet him. “There’s something I’ve always wondered about.”

“What’s that?”

“Why do you think Cutter picked her?” Tabby asked. “Why did he pick Nina instead of me? She and I were both there at the coffee shop. He must have talked to both of us. We were so similar that we were almost like sisters. I mean, what if it had gone the other way? She’d be here, and I’d be dead.”