Т Паркер - Where Serpents Lie

Of course.

I could feel the heat of eyeballs on me as I walked into Sheriff Jim Wade’s office at 2:58 P.M. that day: Ishmael from the hallway; Woolton and Vega from their desks; Burns from his chat with Jim’s secretary; and Frances, who stopped her conversation with a deputy I didn’t recognize to stare at me rather blankly as I made the long march to Wade’s door.

When that door closed behind me there was Jim and Rick Zant, my lawyer Loren Runnels, Will Fortune and a large, athletic man who could only be Tim Monaghan. Monaghan was with the Special Photographic Unit. I shook his hand and we sat around Wade’s desk.

“They’re fake,” Monaghan said. “They’re the best I’ve ever seen, but they’re still fake. They’re digitized mockups, reshot with a film recorder. Several ways we can tell this, but I don’t think I need to go into detail right now. Basically we knocked them on three points — physical anomalies, replicated edge marks and contradictory patterns in the grain matrix. I can testify in court if you want, but one of the reasons I’m here is to keep it from coming down to that. I think we all might have better things to do. We want to talk to the guy who made them. I know you do. We’ll give you our help if you want it. Will, you have anything to add?”

“Not one word.”

Talk about a golden silence.

Two hours later I was sitting in a conference room, uncharged, reinstated, apologized to, put back in control of CAY and gathered with my unit — plus Wade, Woolton and Burns, the six deputies temporarily assigned to us, plus six more brand spanking new ones that Johnny said were a welcome-back present. Monaghan left us with two FBI agents he must have been storing in his briefcase. Our only task was to accelerate our search for The Horridus. We had to light a fire under his ass so hot he’d jump right out of his skillet and into our pot.

Oh yes, Ishmael was there, too. He was the only deputy on the whole floor who wasn’t lingering around Jim Wade’s office when we came out, the only guy who wasn’t standing there clapping and smiling when Wade said he’d just had the rare experience of being able to help correct one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Ish just stood there in the room acting like he had business with a telephone, staring at me with his green cat eyes and a look of spiritless revulsion on his face. Then he turned his back to me and kept on talking.

“I’m looking for a puppy for my daughter,” Hypok said to the animal control officer. “She’s four.”

The officer — a dour hag of perhaps thirty — told him where the puppy run was, and if he didn’t find one he liked there, he could try the kennels out back for a slightly older dog. Hypok knew the drill here, but he asked all the standard questions anyway. It had been six months or so since he’d hit them up for Moloch chow. The officer on duty today was one he’d never seen before, but it paid to be careful when your face — former face — was on a freeway billboard not two miles away. It was really kind of a thrill to glide through the world with a new look, but you didn’t want to press it.

Hypok thanked her and walked back to the puppy run. He tilted a little on his way in — all that cactus juice flowing — but it was a good tilt, kind of a personal slant on things. Part of the new look. He was fresh from a shower and change of clothes — khaki pants with pleats, an almost matching cotton long-sleeved shirt with plenty of outdoorsy, all-American looking pockets and epaulets on it, manly gray socks and a pair of work boots. He’d put a pen in the pocket of the shirt. He felt trustworthy and animal friendly, the kind of guy who ate granola and would be happy to let you touch the cute little pup he was walking. But his psoriasis was flaring up — it always did when he got close to a predation — and even the cool, clean cotton was a torment against his skin. He’d gotten a fresh tube of Lidex goop delivered by the pharmacy, though the new delivery bimbo was too dumb to just drop it in his mail slot as usual. But the Lidex helped. And the tequila helped, too.

The puppy room was small and square. It had cages on three levels, and it echoed with the whines and yelps of puppies and the cacophony of the big dogs outside, and the occasional metallic slamming of doors. It was surprisingly loud. It smelled of dog shit and piss. There were other puppy lookers there with him: a family of five with a chubby but rather sexy daughter who looked to be about three; and an elderly couple made up of a man who probably weighed a hundred and a fat woman who weighed at least twice that.

Hypok stepped to the cages and stopped eye to eye with a black puppy about the size and shape of a shoe-box. He looked mostly lab, with something smaller and curlier mixed in — cocker spaniel, probably. He had deep brown eyes, the brightest of white teeth and a little pup weenie with a whip of damp hair curving off it. The label said he was an “All American,” one of the shelter’s euphemisms for mutt. He was expected to weigh between thirty and fifty pounds as an adult. He licked Hypok’s finger through the bars. A very cute dog. There were three more just like him in the back of the cage asleep, neat as a row of socks. Next was a beagleish unit yapping quite loudly, paying Hypok no attention at all. Hypok wasn’t a fan of the beagle, though Moloch had eaten one about a year ago, a full-grown dog he’d gotten here for free. It had been a sullen thing, didn’t like Hypok, didn’t like the ride home in the then-red van, didn’t like the guest house or the “last supper” he was offered, didn’t like it at all when Hypok led him to the cage door in the back of Moloch’s world and tried to guide him in. The beagle had wheeled twice and bitten at him but Hypok remained in control. He kept the stubborn little hunter lined up with the open door and kicked it through. The dog had cowed in the corner a minute, then was tentatively exploring the front glass when Moloch hit him like a bolt from Olympus and ten minutes later the ungrateful hound was nothing more than a slow lump. Hypok moved down the row: golden ones, black ones, calico ones; furry coats, short coats, straight coats and curled coats. Even a Dalmatian mix — spots intact — which Hypok knew wouldn’t last long in this market The older, out-of-proportion couple seemed charmed by a Doberman — golden retriever mix with nice eyes and good confirmation. “You can tell he’s intelligent,” the huge woman noted. Her skinny mate muttered, “All dogs are dumb.” Hypok continued.

Then it was love at first sight. She was a tiny, furry little thing — a failed Lhasa apso, by the look of her — roughly the size and appearance of a fluffy bedroom slipper. He could hardly tell her face from her ass, her eyes just barely visible behind the sprouting brow hair, which was a direct mimic of the tail hair at the other end. A reversible dog, Hypok thought. Her whole tiny body wiggled as she wagged her tail and licked Hypok’s finger. The sign said Yorkie-Lhasa mix, but it could have said anything, because Hypok had made up his mind. He quickly toured the rest of the puppy room, then marched back to the front desk to register his claim.

The old hag gave him the standard lecture and made him fill out the standard forms. He used his Warren Witt fake California driver’s license with a picture from years ago. It showed him with the short dark hair but no Vandyke or mustaches. The animal control officer seemed to somehow disapprove of it, or him, or something. Maybe it was his breath that she didn’t like, though the tequila and cinnamon drops seemed to be keeping his outlandish inner smells from coming out his mouth. He coughed quietly into his hand and waited for the results: not really that bad at all. The cost for the pup was $47, which included a $25 “altering deposit” that he would get back when he had the thing sterilized. Fat chance of that. He remembered a dog pound back in Missouri — or was it the one in Arkansas? — where they’d give you a puppy and a can of dog food for five bucks. He paid cash, breaking one of the nice hundreds delivered to him by the Friendlies from Naughty Naughton, then dumped the change into a donation bottle.