Robert Parker - Family Honor

“Well,” I said. “We did it once.”

I couldn’t see his face in the darkness, but I could feel Richie smile.

“What would you like?” Richie said.

I was quiet. I felt the way Millicent must have. What in God’s name did I want?

“I want to live the way I do,” I said.

“Alone?”

“Alone, paint, be a detective, take care of Rosie, get my degree.”

“Okay,” Richie said.

“I don’t need your permission,” I said.

Again in the dark I could feel him smile.

“No,” he said. “You don’t.”

“I can’t imagine a life for me,” I said, “that doesn’t have you in it.”

“Good.”

I remembered it all as I lay there. How his skin smelled, how the hair on his chest felt, how his beard scraped a little even if he had just shaved. I felt the stillness in him.

“I can’t imagine,” I said again.

“I could be your boyfriend,” Richie said.

“Exclusive?” I said.

“Why don’t we let each of us decide how we want to be,” Richie said.

Jesus Christ. He had never said anything like that before. I was very careful.

“You mean I could date somebody else?” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “I could, too.”

I felt the shimmer of jealousy tingle through my chest.

“I don’t know if that will work,” I said.

“If it doesn’t we’ll modify it,” Richie said. “Be good to start this time with no rules.”

“You were the one with the rules last time,” I said.

“Now I’m not,” Richie said.

Richie’s place was on the waterfront. In the stillness I could hear the movement of the ocean outside the picture window.

“Remember how we used to go out every Wednesday night?”

“Yes.”

“We could do that.”

“Yes.”

“And spend the weekends together,” I said. “Like we used to?”

“That would work for me,” Richie said.

“And what happens other days?” I said.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

“Think this will work?”

“We’ll make it work. I can’t imagine life without you either.”

I rolled up onto his chest and put my lips so they brushed his.

“You’re smart for a gangster,” I said.

“I’m not a gangster.”

“You’re smart anyway,” I said.

“Smarter than I was,” Richie said.

Then I kissed him and closed my eyes, and the darkness was all there was.