Blake Pierce - Before He Envies

She heard footsteps approaching after a few moments. When the door opened and she saw the look of surprise on her mother’s face, that’s when Mackenzie froze up. She wasn’t sure when she had last seen her mother smile, so the one that spread across her face made Mackenzie feel like she was looking at a different woman.

“Mackenzie,” her mother said, her voice thin and excited. “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

“I had some time off and figured I’d come out and say hello.” It wasn’t a total lie, so she was okay with it for the time being.

“No call first?”

Mackenzie shrugged. “I thought about it, but I also knew how it would go. Besides…I just needed to get away for a while.”

“You okay?” She sounded genuinely concerned.

“I’m fine, Mom.”

“Well, come in, come in. The place is a wreck, but hopefully you can look past it.”

Makenzie stepped inside and saw that the place was not a wreck at all. In fact, it was quite tidy. Her mother had decorated minimally, making it easy for Mackenzie to spot the old picture of her and Stephanie sitting on the small end table by the couch.

“How have you been, Mom?”

“Good. Very good, actually. I’ve been saving up some money here and there, so I was finally able to get out of debt. I got a promotion at work…it’s still not much for a job, but the money is better and I manage a few ladies on the crew. How about you?”

Mackenzie sat down on the couch, hoping her mother would do the same. She was thankful when she did. She had never been a believer in saying You might want to sit down for this because it was far too dramatic.

“Well, I do have a bit of news,” she said. She started the slow process of opening up Photos on her phone and scrolling for a particular picture. “You know that Ellington and I got married, right?”

“Yes, I know. Funny that you still call him by his last name. Is that like a work thing?”

Mackenzie couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, I think it is. Are you mad you missed out on a wedding?”

“God no. I hate weddings. That might be the smartest decision you’ve ever made.”

“Thanks,” she said. Her nerves were bubbling like lava as the next words came out of her mouth. “Look, I came out here because I have something else to share with you.”

With that, she held out her phone. Her mother took it and looked at the picture of Kevin in his little hospital blanket, two days old just before they left the hospital.

“Is this…?” Patricia asked.

“You’re a grandmother, Mom.”

The tears were instantaneous. Patricia dropped the phone to the couch and put her hands over her mouth. “Mackenzie…he’s precious.”

“He is.”

“How old is he? You look too good to have just had him.”

“A little over three months,” Mackenzie said. She looked away from the slight sting of pain that crossed her mother’s face. “I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to call sooner, to let you know. But after that last time we talked…Mom, I didn’t even know if you’d want to know.”

“I get that,” she said right away. “And it means the world to me that you showed up to tell me in person.”

“You’re not upset?”

“God, no. Mackenzie…you could have never told me. I would have never known the difference. I think I was fully prepared to never even see you again and…and I…”

“It’s okay, Mom.”

She wanted to reach out to her, to take her hand or embrace her. But she knew anything of the sort would feel forced and strange to both of them.

“I got a new blender last week,” her mother said, out of nowhere.

“Um…okay.”

“You drink margaritas?”

Mackenzie smiled and nodded. “God, yes. I haven’t had a drink in about a year.”

“Are you nursing? Can you drink?”

I am, but we’ve got enough stored up in the freezer.”

Her mother made a confused face but then burst into laughter. “I’m sorry. But this is all so surreal…you having a baby, storing breast milk…”

“It is surreal,” Mackenzie agreed. “And so is being here. So…where are we on those margaritas?”

“It was your last visit up here that did it,” Patricia said.

They were sitting on the couch, each holding a margarita. They sat on opposite ends, clearly still not comfortable enough with the situation.

“What about that visit?” Mackenzie asked.

“You weren’t overly rude or anything, but I saw how well you were doing. And I thought to myself, she came from me. I know I wasn’t a great mother…not at all. But I am proud of you, even if I didn’t have much to do with the way you turned out. It made me feel like I could make something of myself, too.”

“And you can.”

“I’m trying,” she said. “Fifty-two years old and finally out of debt. Of course, working at a hotel isn’t the grandest of careers…”

“Are you happy, though?” Mackenzie asked.

“I am. More so now that you’ve come to visit. And told me this wonderful news.”

“Ever since I closed Dad’s case…I don’t know. If I’m being honest, I think I just tried to push any thought of you right out of my head. I figured if I could put what happened to Dad in the past, I might as well put you there, too. And I was fully prepared to do that. But then Kevin came along and Ellington and I realized that we weren’t really giving our baby much of a family beyond the two of us. We want Kevin to have grandparents, you know?”

“He has an aunt, too, you know,” Patricia said.

“I know. Where is Stephanie?”

“She finally went ahead and made the move to LA. I don’t even know what she’s doing, and I’m afraid to ask. I haven’t spoken to her in about two months.”

Hearing this stung Mackenzie a bit. She had always known that Stephanie was something of a loose cannon when it came to any kind of stability in life. But still, she rarely stopped to think that Stephanie was yet another daughter who had chosen to live a life mostly detached from her mother. Sitting there on the couch, margarita in hand, it was the first time Mackenzie had ever bothered to wonder what it must be like for a mother to know that both of her children had decided that their lives would be better off without her in them.

“I feel like I should tell you I’m sorry,” Mackenzie said. “I know I pushed you away pretty much after Dad’s funeral. I was only ten, so maybe I wasn’t aware that’s what I was doing, but…yeah. I just kept doing it for the rest of my life. And here’s the thing, Mom…I want Kevin to have a grandmother. I really do. And I hope you might want to work on getting there with me.”

Patricia was again choked up by tears. She leaned crossed the couch, closing the distance between them, and wrapped her arms around Mackenzie. “I wasn’t there, either,” Patricia said. “I could have called or made some kind of an effort. But when I realized you had checked out—even as a kid—I let it go. I was almost relieved. And I hope you can forgive me for that.”

“I can. Can you forgive me for pushing you away?”

“I already have,” Patricia said, breaking the hug and sipping from her margarita to stem the flow of tears.

Mackenzie could feel her own tears coming on, and she wasn’t quite ready to be that open in front of her mother. She stood up, cleared her throat, and downed the rest of her drink.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said. “Let’s grab dinner somewhere. My treat.”

A look of disbelief crossed Patricia White’s face which was slowly dissolved by a smile. Mackenzie could not remember ever seeing her mother smile so wide; it was like seeing a different person. And maybe she was a different person. If she gave her mother a chance, maybe she would find that the woman she had pushed away for so long was not quite the monster she had convinced herself she was.