Alex Barclay - The Drowning Child

‘How is Grace?’ said Ren.

‘Well, she’s twirling around here with her hand out for the phone, so I’ll let her tell you herself.’

She could hear the scuffle of Joe handing the phone over.

‘Hi, Ren! It’s Grace! Will you please come to my birthday party?’

Ren and Joe laughed.

‘Daddy said you come to New York sometimes!’

‘Well, yes,’ said Ren. ‘I go visit my family.’

‘Daddy said come at the exact same time as my birthday! I’m having a clown!’

Clown? Fuck, no. ‘Well, thank you so much, Grace. I would love to come. I’ll definitely see what I can do.’

‘She said yes!’ said Grace.

Ren laughed again. Joe came back on the phone, laughing too.

‘You haven’t given her the John Wayne Gacy talk, then...’

‘I’m holding out for her tenth birthday,’ said Joe. He lowered his voice. ‘I did not know she was going to ask you that.’

‘I don’t think you’re a master puppeteer somehow,’ said Ren. ‘So, what date is her birthday?’

‘June sixth. She’s an organizer, this one.’

‘That’s hilarious. Well, she’s definitely given me enough notice...’

But are we all just assuming that I’m going to be around in three months’ time? Jesus. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Why don’t I ever fucking know?

You do know. This is so boring.

‘But I hope I get to see you before June...’ said Joe.

Ren smiled. ‘Yes, I’d like that.’ Way too much. I hate this. My stomach. My heart. My limits...

‘I’m... glad you called,’ said Joe.

Where did that come from?

‘I thought you’d run away,’ he said.

From that kind of sex?

Nice try.

‘No,’ said Ren.

‘I’m thinking you did... for a little while,’ said Joe.

Damn you! ‘I ran maybe as far as...’ The place where all the tears were. The place I didn’t want to reach. The place I couldn’t bear to be. To come back to the scariest place I’ve ever been in my life.

Fuck. What am I doing?

‘Are you still there?’ said Joe.

Ren paused. ‘I’m still here.’

You, me... and our fucked-up hearts.

Thank you to my agent, Marianne Gunn O’Connor, and to Vicki Satlow, and Pat Lynch.

Thank you to my skilled and patient editor, Sarah Hodgson.

Thank you to Charlie Redmayne for being brilliant.

Thank you to Kate Elton and all the hardworking team at HarperCollins.

Thank you to HarperCollins Creative Director, Claire Ward, for the perfect cover.

Thank you to the HarperCollins Ireland team: Tony Purdue, Mary Byrne, and Ann-Marie Dolan.

To Anne O’Brien, thank you for your exceptional copy-editing skills, and Alex-Barclay channeling.

To gifted playwright, screenwriter, and comedy genius, Kefi Chadwick, thank you for all the Anam Cara good times. And a specific thank you, in this case, for coming up with my title.

Thank you to all the experts who gave so generously of their time. Any mistakes are mine.

To SA Phil Niedringhaus, thank you once again for answering my FBI and CARD team questions. Apologies for some of Ren’s poorer choices...

Thank you to Aquatic Death Investigator, Andrea Zaferes, for her fascinating insight into homicidal drowning, and for the resulting plot inspiration.

Thank you to Chantelle Newman for further research material on drowning deaths, and great conversations.

Thank you, Anne Driscoll and David Langwallner of the Irish Innocence Project at Griffith College for your enlightenment on the heartbreaking reality of wrongful conviction.

To Michael Dobersen, MD, Forensic Pathologist, thank you for your invaluable notes on the autopsy scenes.

Thank you, Professor Marie Cassidy, for your help on skeletal remains.

Thank you, Lee S. Webster, for your friendship, and for your generosity in making connections.

Thank you to Danielle Corazza for your guidance in military matters.

Thank you to Edward Kroll for answering my questions on Oregon law.

Thank you, Sue Booth-Forbes, the heart and soul of Anam Cara – the best writers’ and artists’ retreat in the world.

Thanks also to you and your sister Diane for granting me the privilege of opening my book with your father’s stunning poem.

To my beautiful sister, Lanes. You are, among other things, kind, caring, generous, and cheerleading. If I had a banana sandwich for every time you were there for me...

To all my family: you are amazing and supportive and funny and beloved.

Thank you, Dick Tobin, for your excellent feedback and kind words.

To Noleen, thank you for your hard work and thoughtfulness.

Endless love to my gorgeous friends and their epic undertaking. You know who you are. But stiiiill: Aideen, Bernice, Brian, David, Derek, Elena, Emmy, Eoin, Ger, Gerry, Julie, Majella, Mary, Sue, and Vanessa. Medals all round.