Mishka Ben-David - Forbidden Love in St. Petersburg

Can you hear what you’re saying? I asked, losing control. If she’s looking for someone she’s looking for Paul Gupta in Canada. You go and change your woman, whom you only see at night, when she moves to the other side of the bed.

It’s a pity, Yogev. I’m ready to take your yelling but the organization won’t be willing to tolerate your foolishness. This story is over. Do yourself a huge favour and end it, both in your head and in your heart. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t understand how much it hurts. I also know what love is and how painful it would be if I were forced one day to part from the woman who moves to the other side of the bed when I finally get there at night.

I left his room shamefaced, annoyed, and enormously frustrated. But inside me a new understanding began to emerge. Involving the Mossad was not going to work. I was alone in this.

The emotional baggage I was carrying in my heart did its job. Gone were the quiet hours I’d spend with either Udi or Levanon waiting for reports from the field when they felt free to divulge some nuggets of information about the operation against me. I ended all social contact with them as well as with all the others involved, and asked to be excused from attending Department Heads’ meetings. I did my work and created a closed-off enclave for myself within HQ.

And at night I began to plan how to get Anna back. Even if she’d been forced to move apartments or sell the shop in the absence of the rent I used to pay, she’s surely to be found somewhere in St Petersburg. And even if I were to be prevented from travelling and my phone conversations were tapped, nothing could stop me from recruiting an assistant, a Russian immigrant, and sending him there. I would instruct him to find her, explain what had happened, and help her to come here.

I located such a person, an immigrant who had arrived in Israel many years before, a solitary man who lived in my building. I spoke to him a number of times trying to understand what type of person he was, in the course of which he showed a willingness to work for me in Russia. However, before I really put him in the picture, I realized what a dangerous situation I’d be exposing him to if there was even the tiniest grain of truth in the Mossad’s assumptions about Anna. I had to construct a more sophisticated plan and find a more experienced person to help me.

Weeks passed and then, in a chance meeting with Alex in the corridor, I found out what had happened to Anna. Have you heard that your girlfriend is in jail? the paunchy little bear-like Russian casually asked me.

Stunned, I listened to the summary report from Cotton Field which described Anna’s attempt to leave Russia so as to be with me, her arrest at the airport, her subsequent trial, and the heavy sentence imposed on her which she was now serving in a Moscow prison.

The unvarnished account distressed me so much that Alex asked me to come into his office and sit down, telling his secretary to get me a glass of water. He sat facing me, looking serious and pale. Did you really not know anything about this?

Nothing, I confirmed, and sipped the water.

We’ve only known for a month or so because Anna Petrovna is no longer on our required intelligence list, he said, and I choked at hearing the name I so loved. There was a round of meetings with Cotton Field last month, and it was only by chance, in a conversation with his controller, that he mentioned this. The controller just noted it in the margins of his report and it was also ranked by us simply as a rumour that was apparently circulating among the Field’s sources.

My Annushka. Paying the price for loving me. And the SOBs knew and kept their mouths shut.

Alex saw the expression on my face as I got up. Listen, he said, I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you this. But by then I was already out of his room.

Come, I said to Levanon as I passed his office. He got up immediately and followed me. I opened the door to Udi’s room, and instructed Ariel, who was sitting there with him, to leave us alone. And close the door behind you.

Immense anger was flowing through my veins.

I won’t settle accounts with you right now but the day of reckoning will come, you can be sure of that. I’ve only just found out about Anna. Turns out you not only screwed up my life but hers as well. Neither of you will have a moment’s peace until she is here, is that clear? As far as I’m concerned she’s another one of our hostages being held by the enemy. And that should also be the way you see it, because it must now be clear, even to you, that she protected me and is paying the price.

Udi continued sitting at his desk, Levanon was still standing at the door, and I too remained on my feet. They exchanged glances but didn’t look directly at me.

I don’t know how you’re going to do it. Whether it will be in an exchange of prisoners, understandings between the prime minister and Putin–or maybe you’ll work out a plan for breaking into the prison. This Division has already done things like that. And don’t, not even for a moment, think that I’m now in shock and that tomorrow I’ll be over it. I’m going to turn the whole world and his wife upside down until Anna is here.

Yogev…

Don’t you Yogev me, I cut Udi short. I’ll stir up the sort of trouble you’ve never even dreamed of, including going there myself, to get her out.

Yogev, I’m not going to try and calm you down right now, Udi said, but there isn’t a single move we made that cannot be explained or that I don’t stand behind. The fact that she’s in prison doesn’t mean that we were wrong, perhaps the very opposite. Think about it. And I suggest you don’t resort again to threats of any kind.

He looked me straight in the eye. Not a muscle on his face moved. There is a draft indictment against you for treason and spying. We prevented the Shin Bet from handing it to the Public Prosecutor, but that means nothing. For the indictment to be sent to the Prosecutor all that needs to happen is for us to lift our opposition. Even your being here with us is a response to their insistence that you be kept under our constant supervision. This move of ours was intended to demonstrate the extent to which we trust you. Don’t play with a fire that can easily and completely turn you to ashes.

From the look on Udi’s face, and from the quiet tone in which he spoke, it was clear to me that what he’d said was the truth. For some reason I wasn’t that surprised to discover what my position was. But I understood that the ruthless game of chess that began in St Petersburg a year earlier had not yet ended. I attacked with a pawn and was taken by a knight. I tried to counter with a bishop and was threatened by a rook. I didn’t have many more pieces left in this game and the queen was vulnerable.

Levanon put his hand on my shoulder. Since we received the information we’ve been in two minds as to what to do with her, he said. We thought of telling you the moment we found a way of doing something. We’ve already sat with the head of the Foreign Relations Division and even with the head of Nativ, the organization responsible for bringing Jews from the Soviet Bloc to Israel. We’ve also brought Gedalyahu, head of the department dealing with hostages and missing persons, into the picture. We still don’t have a clear plan. However, as Udi said to you, he continued in dulcet tones, don’t threaten and don’t do anything stupid. You could easily disappear in the wing where ‘X’ prisoners are held, and after the sentence you’d receive for espionage you’d get out of jail in ten to fifteen years. Our organization is much stronger than you are, and more powerful than any system that could supposedly help you.

I knew that despite all their vacillations, Udi and Levanon, in acting against me, had done what they were ordered to do. I knew that they would do the same again.