Wiley Cash - A Land More Kind Than Home

“Be quiet, Jess,” he said. “Be quiet.” I tried to roll over on my stomach so I could get up and run, but he wouldn’t get off me. “Be quiet, Jess,” he said again. “They’re just trying to help him.” I was scared to death, and I was crying so hard that I couldn’t even breathe. I laid there fighting with him on top of me, and before I knew it I was up and running for the trees.

I ran all the way across the field and into the woods, and I kept running until I was dizzy and had to stop to catch my breath. I looked around for Joe Bill, but I didn’t see him. There was a tree beside me, and I reached out and held myself up to keep from falling over, and then I leaned my back against it. I heard something crashing through the trees behind me, and I knew it was Joe Bill coming to find me. I put my hands on my knees so Joe Bill wouldn’t see me crying, and when I did I saw my hand had blood on it and I had it all over my blue jeans and it was on my shirt too. I turned my hand over and saw that a splinter half as long as my middle finger had gotten stuck down in the fat part of my hand right below my thumb. All of a sudden it hurt so bad that I couldn’t even think about touching it. I just stayed bent over with my other hand on my knee and I stared at the splinter and watched a drop of blood run through my palm, down my fingers, and into the leaves. I tried to clear my head and think about something else besides what I’d seen them doing to Stump. I heard Joe Bill running through the woods behind me.

He stopped running, and I heard him panting like he was out of breath. I turned my head so he wouldn’t see me crying, and I tried to make a fist to hide all the blood, but that splinter was so big that it wouldn’t let me close my fingers. A drop of blood had landed on my shoe and was running off the side into the dry leaves.

“It’s all right, Jess,” Joe Bill said. He couldn’t hardly talk because he was so out of breath. “They were just laying their hands on him,” he said. “They were trying to help him.” I looked up at Joe Bill. I saw that he was crying too.

WHEN I DIPPED MY HAND INTO THE RIVER, THE WATER was so cold that it almost took my breath away. I let my wrist go limp, and I swished it back and forth like a brook trout flicks its tail in shallow, rocky water, and I watched the blood leave my hand and move into the river like red smoke drifting up from a fire. I took my other hand and cupped water into it and splashed it over my face to keep my eyes from getting too red and swollen from all the crying. I didn’t want Miss Lyle or Mama or nobody else up at the church to know I’d been crying because I didn’t want them asking me nothing about what we’d been doing.

Joe Bill sat by the water on top of a rock a little piece down the bank with his arms locked around his knees. He looked out at the river. Neither one of us had said a word since we came out of the woods and snuck back down to the riverbank. I stared at his back for a minute, and then I stood up and shook the water off my hands.

“You know we can’t tell nobody about this,” I said to him. “We shouldn’t have seen that. We weren’t supposed to see anything.”

“I know,” Joe Bill said.

I thought about what I was saying, and then I pictured those men lying down on top of Stump, and in my head I heard myself holler out for Mama. I stood up and turned away from Joe Bill before I started crying again, and I untucked my shirttail and wiped my eyes with it. I tried to keep my right hand from touching my shirt any more than it already had so I wouldn’t get more blood on it.

“We never should’ve gone up there,” I said. I looked back at Joe Bill. He turned his face toward me, and he looked like he might start crying again too.

“I think they were trying to help him,” he said. “Mr. Thompson told us it was Stump’s special day. Maybe they were trying to heal him. Maybe they were laying their hands on him so he could talk.”

“He couldn’t breathe!” I screamed at him. “He was trying to get up and run because he couldn’t breathe, and they wouldn’t get off him! They might have been trying to kill him!”

“They weren’t,” Joe Bill said.

“How do you know?” I hollered. At that second I thought about telling Joe Bill about what else I’d seen: Pastor Chambliss with no shirt on, standing over the rain barrel and staring down at Stump. But then I thought about how Joe Bill hadn’t ever kept a secret in his whole life, and I was already worried about what he was going to tell people about what we’d just seen happen inside the church.

I got down on my knees again and dipped my hand into the water. The splinter had gotten a little softer once I’d gotten it wet, but it still hurt too bad for me to close my fingers and make a fist to hide it from Mama. I cleaned the blood off my hand and splashed more water on my face. Farther down the river, I heard Miss Lyle hollering for all the kids to quit playing and head up the path to the road, and I knew church had let out and it was time to go home. We sat there and listened to her calling for us.

“I reckon we should go,” Joe Bill said.

“You can’t say nothing, Joe Bill,” I said. “You can’t say nothing to nobody. I mean it.”

“I won’t,” he promised.

He turned and ran down the riverbank to where Miss Lyle and the rest of the kids were. I thought about running after him, but then I looked down at my hand and I felt it throb every time my heart beat. I figured I’d better just walk instead.

BY THE TIME I GOT BACK DOWN TO WHERE WE’D HAD SUNDAY school, Miss Lyle had taken the rest of the kids back up the path and across the road to the church parking lot. I walked up the path and stopped at the top and looked across the road. The parking lot was full of people. Heat waves came up off the asphalt and it looked like a mirage, like everybody over there was at the bottom of a swimming pool and I was standing on the edge looking down at them. I thought about what a mirage must look like in the desert after you’ve gotten yourself lost and you ain’t had nothing to drink and are just about ready to die. I reckon at that point your mind can trick you into seeing just about anything it wants you to see.

Some men stood with their hands in their pockets and talked to each other out by the road. A couple of them had that Brylcreem combed into their hair, and they smoked cigarettes and stood back and watched the rest of the people in the parking lot. I looked around, and it didn’t take me no time at all to find Mama and Stump because they had a whole crowd of people standing around them. They were all talking loud and laughing, and some of the women hugged Mama and a few people bent down and talked to Stump like they expected him to say something back to them. When he didn’t even look at them, they just smiled and stood back and stared down at him and talked to Mama some more without taking their eyes off him. Mama smiled like she loved hearing what they had to say. Stump looked toward me where I was standing across the road, and even though I knew he was probably looking out at the river behind me, I felt like he was staring me right in the eyes.

I looked up and down the road, and then I went ahead and crossed to the other side and walked into the parking lot. The heat waves shook in front of me like a flame coming up out of a cigarette lighter, and for a minute it looked like every one of them people in the parking lot was on fire. The men smoking out by the road saw me coming, and they finished their cigarettes and dropped them on the pavement and put them out with the toes of their boots. They stared at me when I walked past. I knew they were looking at the blood on my shirt, probably wondering what in the world had happened during Sunday school that could’ve gotten me so hurt. I acted like I didn’t see them, and I kept walking toward Mama. A few of the women standing with her saw me coming, and they tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at me. She turned around, and when she saw me she put her hands on her hips and waited until I got close enough for her not to have to raise her voice.