You-jeong Jeong - The Good Son

I didn’t believe Mother had been out wandering alone until two in the morning last night. She could have been driving around, but then why would her shoes have been wet? And why would she go searching for me anyway? Why not wait for me at home?

Hae-jin was whistling off-key. It sounded like he was going towards his room. I heard his door open, then close. This was my chance. I slipped Mother’s journal under my arm, pushed the chair in and wrapped the steam cleaner pad in my wet towel. Before opening the bedroom door, I listened again for any noise outside. Still quiet. I poked my head out. Nothing.

I stepped out quickly, and closed the door. I lunged towards the stairs, taking several steps at a time. Was Mother’s bathroom clean? Had I left any trace or object that would draw suspicion if Hae-jin were to enter her room? I was convinced I had cleaned up as much as I could, but I got the key and locked the door just in case.

I picked up Mother’s mobile phone from under my bed. I must have dropped it at some point. The screen was dark. The battery was dead. Damn. I should have checked her texts, in case she had a conversation with Auntie or Hae-jin I didn’t know about. But I didn’t want to charge it now. Mother was supposed to be at a religious retreat; it would be safer to leave it like this, so it wouldn’t ring or buzz, and in case someone overzealous decided to track its location.

The clock chimed downstairs – it was noon. Whatever else was going on in this flat, the clock continued to do its job. I placed Mother’s mobile on my desk and laid next to it the following: jacket, vest, iPod, earphones, roof key, disposable mask, razor, car key and Mother’s notebook.

I was the investigator interrogating the criminal. But the two were one and the same, the criminal had a slippery relationship with the truth, and his memory was spotty. If I couldn’t learn more, I would come to one obvious conclusion: for some unknown reason, Mother had tried to kill me. Therefore, the murder was self-defence. Maybe excessive self-defence, but self-defence nonetheless.

I put on trousers and took out a T-shirt. I heard footsteps. Hae-jin was coming upstairs. I looked at the door. I hadn’t locked it. The tussle that had happened an hour before by Mother’s bedroom door would be reprised here. The murderer’s and victim’s belongings were strewn on my desk, bloodstained cleaning tools and a bin bag were in front of the door, the floor was streaked with blood, and my bed was a tangle of bloodied sheets and blankets.

Damn it. Why was he coming up here? I lunged towards the door, my arm outstretched like a goalkeeper diving for the ball. I opened it and stepped out into the hallway, closing it just as Hae-jin arrived in front of me. We stood facing each other, only a foot apart. My T-shirt was in my hand.

‘Dude. Why didn’t you come and talk to me before you came up here? I was banging on Mother’s door…’ He stopped short, his eyes widening. ‘What’s going on here?’ He grabbed my left arm and lifted it.

I hadn’t expected this. ‘Oh. I bumped into the mop handle.’ I tugged my arm away.

He studied the bruise on my chest. ‘Doesn’t look like it’s from bumping into something.’ He reached over and grabbed my arm again. ‘Let me see.’

‘Stop it!’ I yanked it away violently.

Hae-jin gaped at me. A red flush began creeping up from below his collar.

‘I bumped into the mop, okay?’ I put on my shirt and hardened my expression so he would stop asking.

‘What the hell, man.’

‘What’s up?’ I said.

‘Did you see it?’

It? Did I leave something in the living room? The kitchen? By the front door? ‘What?’ I studied his expression.

He looked like he was trying to be casual, but his large brown eyes were sparkling; I could swear he was about to burst out laughing. ‘Isn’t that why you just ran out like that?’

Half my mind was on Hae-jin, and the other half was on what I had just seen in my room. The objects on my desk skittered past my eyes. None of that could have anything to do with his grin.

‘No?’ He cocked his head.

I crossed my arms. Stop fishing. Just spit it out.

‘Then why did you run out so fast?’

It took me a few moments to dig up a normal-sounding excuse. ‘I’m starving. I have to eat something.’

‘Oh, you haven’t eaten anything yet?’ Hae-jin looked sympathetic.

I didn’t like this expression either; maybe he was trying to wait me out. ‘So why did you come up, then?’

‘Well…’ he said, then stopped.

My fingertips twitched. I wanted to throttle him and yank out what he was hiding.

‘I was waiting and counting down,’ he finally admitted. ‘It was posted at exactly noon. Congratulations!’

I blinked stupidly.

‘What the hell, you bastard? I said congratulations! You got in!’

My arms fell limply to either side. My cheeks crumpled and my mouth stiffened. Oh, that. Law school admission.

‘Han Yu-jin,’ Hae-jin said, waving his hand in front of my face. He must have thought I was in disbelief, or so happy that I was dazed. That might have been the case if nothing had happened last night; after all, my college years had been focused solely on getting into law school.

‘How… how did you find out?’ I managed.

‘What are you talking about? With your test ID number, of course!’

I stared at him. How do you know my ID number?

‘Don’t you remember? I took a picture of your ID number when you registered for the exam.’

Of course. Hae-jin always celebrated by taking pictures, and that day he had made me stand against the living room wall with the piece of paper under my face as he took pictures from every angle, as though he were taking a mug shot.

‘This is awesome news, man. Congrats!’ He grabbed my hand and pumped it up and down.

Images of Mother appeared with each upward motion, then disappeared. She lunged at me, brandishing the razor; she lay in a puddle of blood with her throat cut; she was headed to the roof in my arms, wrapped in an old blanket; she rested on the swing; she was locked inside the table.

‘Good job, man.’ He let go and swung his arm around my shoulder. ‘I’m so proud of you.’

My body grew stiff. I couldn’t open my mouth. I was horrified to realise I was on the verge of tears. The fact that my life was over was being confirmed in a dramatic fashion. It felt as though a fist-sized lump of ice was sliding down my throat.

‘Wait, are you crying?’ Hae-jin stepped back and lowered his head to check. ‘That thrilled, huh?’

I looked down. Yeah, sure. Thrilled. So thrilled I want to cry. I want to cry until I fall over dead.

‘Now I get how you must have been feeling. Suddenly cleaning? I mean, you, the toughest guy in the world, getting nervous? You weren’t like this even when you were swimming! No matter how big the competition was, no matter who you were up against, you were always so calm. Like it was just another practice.’

He was right about that. I used to be ballsy. I was never nervous or anxious. In the water, I was strong. After I left swimming behind, I became a dedicated student. Any mother would be proud of a good son like me. Mother had taught me that if you pushed, you got pushed right back; the easiest thing to do was never to push or get pushed, and I hadn’t strayed from her advice until now; I’d lived according to that edict. I couldn’t think of anything I’d done to deserve what she’d said to me last night.

‘You should tell Mother,’ Hae-jin said.

I nodded, still rooted in place.

‘Go on, call her! She must be so nervous right now, just praying for this.’ Hae-jin stood there casually, his hands in his pockets, eager to share his joy. I wanted that too; we were family. It was too bad that I couldn’t join him.