Jennie Ensor - The Girl in His Eyes

He is there. Lying on her bed.

‘Come in, girls,’ says her dream father, pulling back the covers, ‘climb in beside me.’

Laura shuddered. The front door buzzed again then her mobile rang. She sat up and gulped some water, tested the firmness of the floor.

‘Hi, I’m outside, can you let me in?’ It was her brother’s voice.

She buzzed him in and went to put on her dressing gown and her slippers.

‘Hiya, sis. Sorry to wake you up. I didn’t mean to get you out of bed.’

Her brother put down his bag and bent to hug her. He was wearing a sweater over jeans. She noticed how broad he was across the chest, how big and capable he seemed.

‘It’s alright, it’s time I was up. I’ll make some coffee.’

‘I phoned an hour ago but there was no answer. I’m in London to see some friends, thought I’d drop by.’

Daniel sat on the only stool in the kitchen while she dried some mugs.

‘Still working at the nightclub?’

‘No, I don’t work there anymore.’

‘What happened?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Did they sack you?’

‘No, I left. It wasn’t the right place for me.’

‘That’s probably a good idea, you know.’ There was a serious note in his voice. He seemed to be turning something over in his mind. No words came out though. ‘So, what are you going to do now?’

‘I might have found something. I had an interview yesterday.’ A job agency had rung her earlier in the week, out of the blue, and said they’d got an unusual role and it looked like the perfect opportunity for her. ‘This woman is writing a book about archaeology – the latest Roman finds in Britain – she’s getting on a bit and can’t see too well, and then she was hurt in an accident. She wants someone to help with the research – read to her, help her with interviews, go to places with her.’ It was the first job she’d gone for where the interviewer had shown the slightest interest in the modules she’d taken on ancient civilisations, not to mention the first job where her knowledge had been relevant; the first job for which she’d had any enthusiasm, full stop.

‘Hmm, that doesn’t sound like you, sis. Helping an old biddy.’ A mischievous smile.

‘I went to see her at her flat in Earls Court. I couldn’t get her to stop talking. We spent an hour chatting about my history course at Durham, then another hour on the ancient Minoans. She loves all that stuff too.’

‘Fingers crossed you get it then.’

She put a cup of coffee in front of her brother and sipped hers, standing with her back against the sink. Daniel tapped his foot against the metal legs of the stool. He seemed distracted.

‘The reason I came by… I was wondering if you might know what’s going on with Mum and Dad? I called the house last night and Dad answered the phone. He sounded really down. He’s been on his own at home since last Tuesday. Mum’s gone to stay with her friend and he doesn’t know when she’s coming back—’

‘Yes, I know.’

He looked at her sharply. ‘What’s going on, Laura? I asked Dad why she’d gone and he said to ask Mum. But Mum wouldn’t say. She just said she needed to be away from him, she’d explain it all later. Have they had a fight or something?’

This was the moment she’d been dreading. What was she going to say? She turned away so he couldn’t see her face.

‘You know what’s going on,’ he said, ‘don’t you?’

‘Yes, I do. Some of it is to do with me.’

‘To do with you?’

‘Dan, I don’t know what to say. Maybe it’s better you don’t know.’

She wanted so much to tell him. But how could she shatter his existence in one moment? Daniel was getting on much better with Dad these days. The two seemed to have a lot more to talk about, he’d told her. He’d taken up sailing too, like their father. Last summer, the two of them had spent hours together – tinkering about on boats, drinking beer, talking man to man. What right did she have to spoil all that for him?

‘What you tell me is up to you, I guess.’ Daniel waited, holding her gaze. ‘But I’m part of this family too, aren’t I? Don’t I have a right to know what’s going on?’

‘OK,’ she replied, putting down her cup. ‘I’ll tell you what he did to me.’

On cue, the fridge stopped its thunderous drone. She began her story, trying to keep her voice calm. How her father had started touching her in the garden, and downstairs in the house, and then how he’d started coming into her room. How he’d warned her not to tell anyone. Daniel sat rigid, staring at her, not saying a word and ignoring his coffee.

‘I kept it to myself for a long time. I didn’t even tell Mum until last Sunday.’ She swallowed the stickiness in her throat. It had clogged up, wouldn’t let any more words out. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything to her. But I had to.’

‘Why?’

‘Because…’ Her heart thudded.

‘Because, what?’

‘A twelve-year-old girl has accused Dad of having sex with her.’

‘Shit, Laura. You’re kidding me, aren’t you?’

Daniel’s face was pale, his mouth hanging open. She felt sorry for him; he wanted her to say it was all a joke.

‘What girl? Who are you talking about?’

‘Remember Jane, Mum’s friend? It was Emma, Jane’s daughter. She told Jane what he did to her and Jane told Mum. Mum didn’t believe it at first, but later he admitted it to her.’

‘I can’t believe it.’

‘Daniel, I’m sorry. You said you wanted to know.’

The fridge sputtered back into life. Daniel looked at the floor for a long time before speaking.

‘Jesus. I know Dad acted a bit unhinged at times when we were growing up, hey, most of the time, but what you’re telling me… you’re saying he screwed this girl? That’s totally unbelievable.’

His head drooped over his shoulders. Finally, he looked at her.

‘Look, Laura, I’ll have to go or I’ll be late for my meeting.’ He scraped back his stool and got to his feet. His untouched cup of coffee where she’d placed it. ‘I’ll call you soon.’

Laura followed her brother to the front door. He didn’t kiss her goodbye, and just let himself out without looking back. She went back to the kitchen and dumped the two cups in the sink with a clatter.

Oh, fuck. What have you done?

Dismay grew inside her. What had been the point of that? She kicked the fridge to make it shut up. The whine of a vacuum cleaner started next door, too loud. She pressed her nose against the kitchen window. A thin drizzle had begun.

Her thoughts began to pile up, each one darker than the one before.

Everything had been tainted by what her father had done. He had betrayed Emma, despite his claim that he would never think of harming her. In doing so, he’d betrayed every one of his family. Her mother. Her brother. Herself.

Her mouth was dry, her heart was beating too fast. A pool of anger welled inside her. She knew it then, as much as she’d ever known anything: her father wasn’t going to get the better of her. He wasn’t going to win this game.

As Katherine’s car turned into Elgin Drive, Suzanne noticed that the rambling, pale pink house on the corner had a For Sale sign outside. It wasn’t there when she’d left home last week. The lower room’s curtains were shut too, hiding the usual sight of a grand piano and shelves stacked with books. She wondered what had happened to Della, the woman in her mid-sixties who’d been living there alone in the months since her divorce. Had she finally moved in with her son, as she’d said she might have to? Or found a retirement flat?