Elisabeth Carpenter - Only a Mother

‘Of course she did. She was right to.’ I glance out of the passenger window. I know where he’s taking me. His head’s stuck in the past. ‘How could you kill your own mother?’ I say.

‘I didn’t mean to kill her. It was an accident – she wouldn’t keep quiet.’ He looks at me, shakes his head. ‘She shouldn’t have taken my stuff. That weed was worth thousands – and it wasn’t even mine. Do you know what they’re going to do to me when they find out? I’ve got a family.’

Rain begins pounding on the windscreen. The wipers are going full speed, but it’s all I can do to see the road ahead. Shit.

‘I don’t believe you,’ I say.

‘And I don’t give a fuck what you think.’

Suddenly, he takes a hand off the steering wheel; I only feel the first two punches, then everything goes dark.

‘Wake up, you piece of shit.’

I can’t move. Where am I? Hands grab my jacket by the shoulders and I’m thrown to the ground.

‘Get up,’ he says, kicking me.

I turn onto my stomach, using my hands to push myself up. The pain in my right temple is throbbing, but I need to find my strength. I’ve had worse beatings than this one. Never show that you’re hurt, that’s what my friends inside used to tell me.

‘Give me your phone,’ he says.

‘What?’

He pats across my jacket and pulls the mobile from my pocket.

‘You’re going to record your confession,’ he says, looming over me, his breath stale in my face. ‘You’re going to tell everyone you killed Jenna Threlfall. Then you’re going to tell them that you can’t live with it any more and you’re gonna say goodbye.’

I look around. We’re by the canal. Jason’s dad used to take us fishing here in the summer as kids. Should I have suspected that Jason was jealous of my presence back then? I thought he was happy to have his friend come, but he probably wanted his father’s attention for himself. Jim always treated me like a son.

‘I’ll tell it to the police,’ I say, but my words don’t come out right.

‘It’s not going to happen like that,’ he says. ‘They sent you down for Lucy. Most people think you killed Jenna as well. No one will question it – they won’t know it was me.’

He grabs my elbow and yanks me towards a gap in the railings, sitting me against them.

I look up, but I can’t keep my head straight.

He slaps me across the face.

‘No,’ he says. ‘You need to be here. I’m not going to make it easy for you.’

‘I want to go home now,’ I say. I can’t think properly. ‘I’m going to be sick. My mum’ll be waiting for me. She worries, you know. I think she’ll know where I am.’

He slaps me again.

‘We’re going to practise,’ he says. ‘Repeat after me: I killed Jenna and Denise. I’m sorry.’

‘Repeat after me,’ I say.

‘No!’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. But I can’t remember what I’m meant to be sorry about.

‘No, no, no!’

‘I’m sorry, Mum.’

‘For fuck’s sake.’

‘She’s coming,’ I say.

‘Who’s coming?’

‘My mum.’

He bends over, laughing.

‘I’ve heard it all now,’ he says. ‘Your mum isn’t going to save you. She couldn’t help you all those years ago – she’s not coming to save you tonight.’

He kneels before me, holding up my mobile phone.

‘ I killed Jenna ,’ he says. ‘ I’m sorry . That’s all you have to say.’

‘Son!’ A voice in the distance, or did I imagine it?

‘Shit,’ says Jason.

He puts his hands around my neck.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

A woman’s voice.

It’s my mother.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ says Erica.

She stops when she’s only two metres from them.

Jason has his hands around Craig’s neck, whose head is only inches from the edge of the embankment. There’s blood pouring from his nose and mouth; he looks barely alive.

From the corner of his eye, Luke sees Amanda on her mobile. He’s holding his own up, recording what’s in front of him. He hopes there’s enough light from the lamppost behind them.

‘Police,’ she whispers. ‘We’ve found Craig Wright and Jason Bamber.’

Luke wished she’d said it louder, but he wants Jason to think the police are already on their way. His face is sweating but cold. It’s only just stopped raining and the pathway is slippery. It might only take one small push to shove Jason into the canal.

Jason looks up at Erica. His clothes are soaking. He’s wearing the same white shirt Luke saw him in the other day. It’s filthy.

‘What does it look like I’m doing?’ he shouts.

Jason laughs; it echoes in the tunnel nearby. Eerily wicked. Luke has never heard a sound like it – not in real life.

Amanda steps forward, standing next to Erica.

‘The police are on their way,’ she shouts. ‘Get off him.’

Jason narrows his eyes.

‘Well look who it is.’ He’s staring at Luke. He takes his hands from around Craig’s neck, grabbing the man’s collar and shoving his head hard on to the ground. ‘Hiding behind two women, eh?’

Luke walks towards Jason, his heart pounding. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s never hit anyone before.

Amanda grabs his arm.

‘No, Luke.’

‘I’ve recorded you,’ says Luke. ‘I know it was you who killed Lucy and Jenna.’

Craig whimpers; Jason slaps him hard across the face.

‘No you haven’t,’ he says. ‘You’ve only been there a minute.’

Where are the sirens? The police can’t be far away – it’s not far from town. There’s a manhunt for Craig, they should be here by now.

Then Luke sees them.

Four officers dressed in black behind Jason. Luke tries not to look at them again.

‘Erica!’

Amanda rushes towards her as the older woman’s knees buckle, grabbing her arm. Luke takes hold of the other. Erica is so light, but she’s almost a dead weight.

‘I need to lie down,’ she says. ‘Lie down.’

The police officers run towards Jason and Craig. Jason doesn’t put up a fight as they handcuff him. Craig is motionless, his eyes closed.

‘We’re going to need two ambulances,’ says one into the radio.

Luke kneels on the ground next to Erica, collapsing with relief. He wants to burst into tears.

There are two paramedics kneeling over Erica. She wanted her son to take the first ambulance, not that it had been up to her. She closed her eyes after seeing police officers take Jason away.

‘Stay with us, Erica,’ they’re shouting. ‘Come on, love.’

Blinking slowly, she turns to face Luke as though she knew he would be there.

‘Is that you, Craig?’ she says.

‘No,’ he says. ‘It’s Luke.’

‘Oh, yes. That’s right. Luke.’

The paramedics bring out a wheeled stretcher.

‘Will you come with me, Luke?’ she says, her voice hoarse, breathless. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

He looks over to Amanda. There are tears in her eyes.

‘Go on,’ she says.

He climbs into the ambulance after Erica and one of the medics.

‘Is it OK if I come?’ says Luke as he sits on one of the fold-down seats, but the man in green ignores him.

The doors slam shut, locking them in.

‘Luke?’

‘I’m here, Erica.’

‘Has she been ill for long?’ says the paramedic. ‘Did this come on suddenly?’

‘I barely know her,’ says Luke, to the man’s back.

He immediately feels guilty for saying it. He does know Erica: she doesn’t have any friends; she hardly ever goes out; she reads romance novels to escape reality; she’d do anything to protect her son.