Elisabeth Carpenter - Only a Mother

He’s still holding my arm. For a few moments I think he’s not going to let go, until he sighs and almost stomps into the hallway.

‘This is her card,’ he said, grabbing one from the pile on the window sill. ‘Her cleaning business on the side… she got a load printed.’ He grabs a pen and writes on the back. ‘I’ll give you my number, too. Let me know if you hear from her.’ He hands it to me. ‘And let me know if you change your mind,’ he says, winking at me.

So that’s where Jason gets it from.

‘Thanks,’ I say, not wanting to antagonise him.

I open the door myself and close it behind me, relieved to get out of there.

I carry Denise’s card in my hands all the way home. I can’t lose it. It’s not like Denise to be gone for the whole night. But Jim’s right: seventeen years is plenty of time to change.

When I step inside my hall, the telephone starts to ring. I almost dive on it.

‘Denise, is that you?’

‘No. It’s Luke from the—’

‘Oh, Luke. I can’t find Denise.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve just been round to her house. Her husband said she didn’t come home last night – he’s checked all the hospitals.’

‘Do you think she might be with Jason somewhere?’

‘Maybe, but I didn’t think they went anywhere together these days. Not that I’d know much about that.’ I lean against the wall. I can’t think straight; there’s a nauseous feeling in my stomach that’s not going away, and I don’t think it’s my nerves. ‘Do you think she’ll be all right?’

‘I hope so.’

‘Why did you call?’ I say. I can’t stand here chatting all day.

‘I wanted to know if… Has Craig got a new car – a Renault Clio?’

‘He hasn’t got a car. I’d know if he had a car, wouldn’t I?’

‘I was just checking. I saw him early this morning—’

‘Early? It doesn’t sound like Craig, then. He hasn’t been getting up before ten since…’

Since I can’t remember when. When did he last sleep here – was it Saturday? It can’t have been that long ago.

‘Erica!’ shouts Luke. Why is he shouting at me? ‘Listen, I saw him outside my children’s school – he was looking at me… it was as if he knew where to find us. Has he mentioned me at all?’

‘I can’t remember now. I’m so tired… too tired. I felt OK when I got up this morning, but all this is getting to me. Is there any news on that missing girl?’

He sighs down the phone; it almost hurts my ears.

‘Not that I’ve seen – and I’ve had the news on since I got into work. We’ve had no updates from the police. There is talk, though, that this isn’t the first time Leanne has run away. They seem to think she’ll come back of her own accord.’

‘They shouldn’t think that,’ I say. I feel breathless; I’m talking too much and need to sit. ‘I have to go, Luke.’

‘What do you mean: They shouldn’t think that ?’ he says. ‘If you’ve got information that’ll help find Leanne, then you have to say.’

‘I only meant that… I’m worried about history repeating itself.’

‘Erica, what do you know? What has Craig told you?’

‘Nothing about Leanne. I’m always the last to know. Will you let me know if you hear anything?’

‘Erica, please—’

‘You’ll let me know?’

‘Yes.’ He sighs.

I replace the handset, thinking that he probably won’t keep his word. He’ll have more important things to do than update me. But for those few moments we were chatting, it was almost like talking to a friend.

I sit on the downstairs step to catch my breath. I’m too old for this.

Craig is a stranger to me. It’s like he wants to break my heart all over again. And Jim was right. Why am I still here? I get to my feet, and shuffle back to the phone table.

I open my address book and find his number.

Luke spent the rest of the morning thinking about Craig Wright being outside school. He imagined seeing Megan and Alice in the distance, waving as they held the man’s hands. No matter how fast he ran, he could never reach them.

After ringing the school and, at the risk of sounding like one of those parents, reiterating that under no circumstances are they to let his children leave school without it being him or Helen picking them up, he set off to work.

He resisted passing Erica’s on the way there – he was already a few hours late as it was.

Now it’s midday, and the more he thinks about it, the more he feels it can’t have been a coincidence. He replaces the handset after speaking to Erica.

‘What’s your face like that for?’ asks Amanda, sitting opposite him.

Luke had told her about seeing Craig that morning and she’d been the only one so far not to think he was going insane.

‘I’ve just had a weird conversation with Erica Wright,’ he says. ‘She was going on about losing Denise. I asked her if Craig had mentioned me, but she couldn’t remember. I’m sure she knows more than she’s saying.’

‘What do you mean, she lost Denise?’

‘I’ve no idea. Do you think Denise has gone missing?’

‘We’re like dumb and dumber here,’ says Amanda. ‘We’ve obviously no idea. And we can’t go round there again – not when Craig followed you after we interfered the last time.’

‘She didn’t sound well.’

‘I expect she’s having a stressful few days,’ she says. ‘Son released from prison for murdering a girl, another girl seen with son goes missing. I’d say that makes for a shit week.’

Luke remains silent while he thinks.

‘Look,’ says Amanda, ‘there’s nothing we can do from here. The police will be doing what they can. You gave them the details of the vehicle Craig was driving. Plus, you didn’t see the girl with him this morning, did you? It might be Jason Bamber – or someone we don’t even know about – working alone. There’s nothing we can do but wait.’

‘Wait for another girl to turn up dead?’

‘It’s not like we can hunt them down, Luke, is it?’

‘No.’

But he knows he’ll get little work done this afternoon. As soon as it gets to three o’clock, he’s going to wait outside the school until his children are out and safe.

Luke feels calmer now that Megan and Alice are safely tucked up in bed. He’s set up his laptop in his small office upstairs so he can keep an eye on them.

‘Not on the beer tonight?’ Helen shouts from their bedroom.

She’s trying on yet another black dress for a work do. Luke’s positive she hadn’t mentioned it before. She’s done her hair too; it’s up in a twist, with bits hanging round her face. Luke hasn’t seen her dressed up for months.

‘I need to keep a clear head,’ he says.

‘So what do you think of this one?’ Helen says from the landing.

‘Looks great,’ says Luke, thinking it looked exactly the same as the last one. ‘Who’s leaving again? And since when did going out for an office party on a school night become a thing?’

‘Eh?’ she says, slipping her feet into two-inch heels. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Just someone I spoke to yesterday at work. Jenna Threlfall’s sister was having her Christmas party on a weekday. Anyway.’ Luke waves his hand, batting the subject away. ‘Do you remember she had a sister?’

‘I don’t remember much about Jenna, let alone her sister.’

‘What time will you be back?’

‘No idea. I’m not working till six tomorrow night, so it might be a late one.’ She kisses the top of his head. ‘You’ll hardly notice me gone, Luke,’ she says. ‘You’ve barely spoken to me in days. You’ve become obsessed with that case. You know you’re not some kind of detective.’