Даниэла Стил - Finding Ashley [calibre]

She poured herself another cup of coffee and called Carson on his cellphone. He saw her name come up, as his phone sat on his desk, and he looked startled. He thought something bad must have happened, maybe to Hattie, or to Melissa herself, and answered immediately.

“Mel?” he answered, worried.

“Hi,” she said, not sure where to go from there.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am,” she said, sounding at ease and grounded. It was odd hearing his voice again. The call was long overdue, and she had decided to reach out. She had been thinking about it for days. “I just wanted to say hello, and tell you I’m sorry.” She sounded sincere and he was surprised by what she said.

“About what?” She hadn’t done anything to him lately, or even before. They’d had no contact, except her brief emails on Robbie’s anniversaries, and at Christmas, and when the fire was threatening.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so cut off. I just couldn’t talk for a while, to anyone. Something wonderful just happened and I wanted to share it with you.” He wondered if she’d met a man. She sounded like it. But he knew better than to ask. He wondered if she was getting married.

“Hattie did something crazy this summer. She went to Ireland. The convent there gave her the same runaround they gave me, but she met an ex-nun who had worked there. Hattie found the baby.”

“What baby?” He sounded shocked. The baby she’d had at sixteen was the farthest thing from his mind. It was surprising enough to hear from her, let alone figure out what she meant. She was speaking in riddles.

“The baby I gave up.” She jogged his memory, and he reacted instantly.

“Oh my God. How’d she do it? I thought they burned all the records.”

“They did, but the nun Hattie met knew enough to piece it together. It was a long shot, but she found her.”

“In Ireland?”

“No, in L.A. I just spent two days with her last week. She’s a lovely girl, with a nice husband, and two very cute kids.” Melissa had a family again. It didn’t make up for losing Robbie. Nothing could ever replace him, but it was a gift nonetheless, and made an enormous difference. “I think I understand now how you feel about Jane’s two daughters. I hated that you were close to them, but it’s nice having kids and young people in my life again. I’m not sure how you bridge the gap of thirty-three years in this case, but she has a big heart and we seem to be doing it. I’m going to L.A. to spend Thanksgiving with them.”

“I’m glad, Mel,” he said, sounding deeply moved to hear from her. “I think about you all the time. I hope you’re happy.”

“I am. It’s better now. It’s taken a long time. It’s taken all four years I’ve been here to start to heal.” And finding Michaela had made a big difference. Somehow it gave her hope again, and a new outlook on everything. Her life was suddenly about who was in it, not just who was gone. Her sister had given her an immeasurable gift. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you, and so disconnected.”

“You weren’t hard on me. You were broken. We both were, and we couldn’t fix each other.” He had needed Jane to help him recover from losing Robbie. Without her, he didn’t know how he would have survived it. Melissa had completely shut him out. “Have you gone back to writing yet?”

“No, and I never will. Robbie took that with him.”

“No, he didn’t. It’s still there. I hope you go back to it one day.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’m sorry to hear it, but I’m glad you found your daughter. Does she look like you?” He was curious about her.

“Somewhat.” Melissa laughed. “She looks like my mother. I forgive her for it. She’s a very pretty girl.”

“It’s nice of you to call and tell me.”

“I thought it was time to reach out. It’s been too long.”

“I understand,” he said gently.

“Are you happy?” she asked in a soft voice.

“Yes, I am. It’s different. It was never going to be the way it was with us. It was so exciting working with you on the books. Jane doesn’t have the kind of drive you did. She wants to keep it all small and in control. That works for her. We get along, and I enjoy her daughters.” It didn’t sound like a grand passion, but it seemed comfortable, and maybe for him that was enough. Melissa had been more fiery with him and he missed that. She was an enormous talent and a brilliant mind. He had never known anyone like her. It would be a real loss to her readers if she never wrote again. She sounded definite about it. “Maybe something will get you writing again.”

“I hope not,” she said with feeling. “What I have now is enough. I love my house and where I live. I love working with my hands. And now I have Michaela, my daughter.” And Norm, but she didn’t say it.

“I’m glad you called. Stay in touch, Mel, and congratulations on finding your daughter.” He remembered how devastated she had been when she found out the records had been destroyed, and knew she’d never see her again, and now she had. “And give Hattie my love.”

“I will,” she promised.

“Are you still mad at her?”

“Not anymore. Not after what she did. I was foolish about that too. The convent suits her.”

“Yes, it does.” They both had a warm feeling after they hung up, and she was glad she’d called him. It was time to stop running away and shutting everyone out, and being angry at them. She had wanted to make peace with him. It wasn’t his fault Robbie had died. No one was to blame for that. It had taken six-and-a-half years to begin to heal. Hattie had been a part of it, and Michaela, and now Norm, and Melissa herself. It was a long, painful process.

—

The day after she called Carson, she got the results of the DNA test. It was conclusive, which they knew it would be. Michaela was her daughter. It was comforting to know. She’d had the test before she went to New York. She sent a text to Hattie, and emailed the results to Michaela, and signed it “Love, Mom.”

—

Melissa’s and Michaela’s lives had improved exponentially as a result of Hattie finding Michaela. The one whose life had been negatively impacted was Hattie, Sister Mary Joseph. The unraveling of her religious life had begun when she went to Saint Blaise’s, saw the prison where Melissa had been, and her faith in the religious life began to spiral down faster when she met with Fiona Eckles. What she had seen and done there had driven her out of the Church, and Hattie was beginning to think it would have the same effect on her. She could no longer respect a church that had sold babies for profit, no matter how well intended their motives. It had only been a fluke, or a miracle, that she had found Michaela. The others weren’t as lucky, and they would never find their mothers. And the mothers who wanted to would never see their children again. It seemed a cruel turn of fate for all concerned. And women like Fiona had been injured too. Hattie couldn’t seem to recover from it.

Mother Elizabeth had seen what it was doing to her, and so far hadn’t been able to help her. She had offered to send her on a retreat, or for therapy, and Hattie had refused both.

“What would that change?”

“Even those of us in religious orders are human, Sister Mary Joe,” she reminded her. “We make mistakes. They made a big one when they destroyed the records. They thought they were protecting everyone involved.”

“They were protecting the Church, not the people in it. And so many people got hurt as a result. My sister was almost one of them.”

“You did a wonderful thing for her, and for your niece, but you can’t lose your vocation because of it. That’s too high a price for you to pay.”