Даниэла Стил - Finding Ashley [calibre]

“You can come a day or two early and buy something nice. I don’t think she’ll care. She’s not that kind of person. She’s honest and real. She really loves her kids. They’re very sweet. They want to meet you too.”

“Oh Christ, I’m a grandmother and I’m not even a mother anymore.” Her eyes filled with tears again as she reached out to hug Hattie. She felt as though she’d been given an entire world.

“Yes, you are a mother. You have Michaela,” Hattie said softly.

“I gave her up.” Melissa sounded convulsed with guilt.

“You had no choice, Mel. You’re still her mother. She has two mothers now.”

“Will her adopted mother hate me? Does she know?”

“Not yet. Michaela wants to tell her after you’ve met.”

“To see if she likes me?”

“No, to reassure her mother that she’s met you, you’re a nice person, and it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. I abandoned her. What’ll I say when I meet her? ‘I’m sorry I gave you up and ran away’?”

“You didn’t run away, Mel. You were sixteen and Mom made you do it. You would have kept her if you could have. There was no way you could. In today’s world, you could probably do that. But not thirty-three years ago. You did what you had to do. What you were forced to do. She understands that. She’s nervous too.” But not as nervous as Melissa, who was terrified that her daughter would reject her, and had good reason to. “She’s not angry at you, Mel. She’s not an angry person. She wants you in her life. She tried to find you at eighteen. She wanted to find you before that, but didn’t know how. The nuns at Saint Blaise’s didn’t make it easy for anyone. This is an incredible stroke of luck to have found her. It was meant to be. Don’t torture yourself about it until you meet.”

“Maybe I’ll have a heart attack and die before,” Melissa said grimly, and Hattie laughed.

“No. Maybe you’ll have a nice time, and be able to see her from time to time, and you even get two grandchildren in the deal. You have a family, Mellie. A daughter and a son-in-law and two grandkids.”

“Does she know I used to write?”

“She’s read all your books and loves them. You lucked out here. Now try to enjoy it and relax a little.” Hattie had never seen her solid older sister so terrified.

“Will you come with me when I meet her?” she pleaded.

“If you want me to. But I think you’re going to get along fine. I was a total stranger who barged into her office with a crazy story, and she couldn’t have been nicer to me.”

They talked about it for hours, late into the night. Melissa thanked her dozens of times and considered it from every angle, and raised every fear. Hattie spent the night reassuring her. They fell asleep on her bed, still talking, and Melissa looked exhausted when she got up the next day. She had worn herself out, and didn’t have the courage to call her daughter. She wanted Hattie to set up the meeting, and she promised she would. Melissa agreed to go to New York to see Michaela, although she dreaded it, and the memories it would revive.

She was still a nervous wreck when Hattie left to drive back to the convent on Sunday afternoon. She looked dazed when Norm came over on Monday and brought her fruit from his orchard and fresh corn. She had sent the six boxes of apples with Hattie for the convent. Norm had brought his pears, which were delicious, and he noticed how odd Melissa looked, and how distracted, and asked if she was okay.

“I had kind of a crazy weekend,” she said with a vacant look.

“Are you feeling all right?”

“No…yes…I just found out this weekend that I’m about to get something I’ve wanted desperately ever since I was a kid, and now that it’s happening I’m scared to death.” He couldn’t imagine anything that would scare her, but she looked flustered. He had never seen her like that.

“Do you want me to leave?” He suddenly felt as though he was intruding. She was in a strange mood. “Is it something I can help you with?” he asked hesitantly. There was no sign of her sharp tongue, or acerbic comments that amused him but could hurt sometimes. She seemed young and frightened and humbled.

“I’ve never told you this. I’ve never told anyone except my husband.” He could tell she was about to share another secret with him, like the ones about the son she had lost, or the books she had written. They had an odd friendship that he wanted to grow, but she never seemed ready for that and now seemed totally discombobulated and confused. She hadn’t even combed her hair yet that morning, which wasn’t like her. She was always neat as a pin, with her long dark hair pulled tightly back, or piled on her head in the heat. Now it hung down her back in a tangled mass.

“I had a baby when I was sixteen,” she blurted out and startled him. “A little girl. My parents sent me to Ireland to have her and made me give her up for adoption. All the records were destroyed later, I’ve wanted to find her for years and never could. My sister just did. She found her in L.A. She’s married, a social worker, and has two children. She wants to meet me and I’m scared to death. She has every reason to hate me for giving her up.” He looked down at the woman he had admired from a distance for four years, and had no idea what to say about the enormous piece of information she had just shared with him. He did the only thing he could think of, he put his arms around her and held her. He could feel her shaking against him, and he kissed her, as much to calm his own nerves as hers.

Her eyes opened wide when he did, and for a minute, he was afraid she would hit him, or push him away, but instead she melted in his arms and kissed him back, which he hadn’t expected. The whole world had suddenly gone topsy-turvy, for both of them. She had lived in self-imposed isolation for more than four years, having lost two children and a husband, having given up everything, with no one in her life, not even the sister she had avoided for six years. And now suddenly everything in Melissa’s life had changed. Her sister was back, she had a daughter, and a man in her arms. She didn’t know how to react, and burst into tears as Norm held her. She clung to him as wracking sobs shook her, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. Like it or not, she was back in the human race, alive again, and scared to death. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time, like a roller coaster. She didn’t know whether to laugh or scream.

—

Hattie called Michaela in California on Sunday night when she got back to the convent. It was late afternoon in L.A. She told her how the announcement had gone with Melissa, and how excited she was about meeting her daughter for the first time, and scared too. She wanted Hattie to set it up, and they agreed on New York in two weeks. David had a meeting there, and the kids had a long weekend from school. By the end of the conversation, it was all arranged. Hattie called Melissa to tell her, but she didn’t answer. She was so exhausted by the emotions of the weekend after Hattie told her about Michaela, that she was sprawled on her bed, fully dressed, with the lights on, sound asleep.

Chapter 9

Norm decided to do things right, after what had happened between him and Melissa the day before, when he kissed her. He didn’t want it to be a onetime occurrence, or for her to see it as a moment of madness, never to be repeated. He could tell that things were changing rapidly in her life. He had waited four years for this, standing on the sidelines. He finally had the opportunity, and didn’t want to treat it lightly. He wanted there to be substance to it, and gravitas.

He called Melissa the next morning. She was still reeling from everything Hattie had told her, and what she’d done for her. She had taken care of her younger sister when they were growing up. Then Hattie had defected, as Melissa saw it, and run away to the convent. Melissa had been angry at her ever since. And now she had done this incredible thing for her, and found the daughter Melissa thought she’d never see again. She was still trying to absorb it when the phone rang, and she picked it up.