James Grippando - Hear No Evil

The punk could barely speak, he was so frightened. “Uhm-what’s the meaning of life?”

Theo made a face, as if in pain. “What the hell kind of shitty question is that?”

“You said there was no right or wrong here.”

Theo smacked him on the side of the head. “Did anybody ever fucking tell you to believe what I say?”

“No.”

“Now ask another question. And make it good!”

He swallowed, but he didn’t have anything to say.

“What are you, brain dead?” said Theo. “You can’t think of one decent question? How about something like this: Why does cold water boil faster than hot water? You want to ask him that?”

He nodded tentatively.

“It doesn’t, shithead. Who told you it was okay to ask God a trick question, huh?”

“Don’t, don’t!” He seemed to sense that the blowtorch was coming.

Theo squeezed the trigger, sending a tongue of flame onto the concrete. It was so close to Eddy that it singed his hair. The guy was about to crumble. “Give me a break, man, okay?”

Theo sighed and said, “Aw, shit. I gotta do everything around here. Okay, here’s one last suggestion. I got God on the line, right? ‘Yo, God, it’s Theo. How you doin’? Got a question for you. Is there anything this poor slob here-what’s your name again?”

“Eddy.”

“Is there anything poor Eddy here can possibly do to keep from getting scorched by a big, angry black guy who spent four years on death row after being wrongly convicted by a bunch of white jurors and one little Hispanic twit who looks a hell of a lot like Eddy?”

It took a moment for the question to register, then Eddy gulped. “It wasn’t me, man. I wasn’t on no jury!”

Theo smacked the back of his head once more. “I know it wasn’t you, asshole! But for the entire four years I spent in Florida State prison, my cellmates were Cindy Crawford and Whitney Houston. So if you think I don’t got the power of imagination, then you got no fucking idea how bad this is gonna turn out for you.”

“Please…” he said, now groveling. “Just tell me what you want.”

Theo let him squirm for a moment, watched the tears run down a grown man’s cheeks. Then he leaned forward and whispered into his ear. “Why did you torch Jack Swyteck’s car?”

Eddy froze.

Theo said, “It was you, wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t my idea,” he said, shaking. “They told me to do it.”

“Who told you?”

“Don’t make me rat, man. They’ll kill me. I swear, they’ll kill me.”

“Well, that’s pretty funny, Eddy. If you tell me, they’ll kill you. If you don’t tell me, I’ll kill you. It’s like I once had to tell my old friend Jack: Looks like you’re caught in your own zipper there, pal.”

“I’m serious. They’ll kill me.”

Theo leaned closer, his nose nearly touching the nape of Eddy’s neck. “I’m serious. I’ll kill you.” He gave the blowtorch a quick blast for added effect.

Eddy shivered, his voice racing. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.”

“Good boy, Eddy. I’m all ears.”

Just after midnight, Jack thought he heard a knock at his front door. He was dressed in nylon jogging shorts and a T-shirt, foamy toothbrush in hand, preparing for bed. He rinsed his mouth and walked to the living room. It was dark, lighted only in places by the dim glow of an outdoor porch lamp that shined through the open slats in the draperies. He went to the front door and listened. Then he heard it again. A knock with rhythm.

DUH, duh-duh-duh-duh, DUH…

He stood in silence, waiting for the final DUH, DUH. Instead, there was a flurry of pounding, the signature psycho knock, and Jack thought he knew who it was. He turned the deadbolt and opened the door.

He barely got a look at her face before she burst across the threshold, threw her arms around his neck, and planted her lips on his. He was startled at first, but the passion was contagious, and in a moment he was kissing her back. Finally, she stopped for air.

“Hi, Jack.”

“Hey, Rene,” he said, breathless. “How you doing?”

Her expression turned serious. “It’s been three months since you came to see me. I work in a West African country so full of AIDS that I’m afraid to even think about sex.” She grabbed his ass and said, “How do you think I’m doing?”

“I’m thinking maybe you’d like to come in?”

She closed the door with a hind kick, her eyes never leaving his. Jack looked away, scratching his head. It was a little overwhelming, especially since his mind had barely shut off from tomorrow’s trial preparation. But that was Rene. Even after a transatlantic flight, she was drop-dead gorgeous. At least in Jack’s eyes.

He walked to the couch and sat on the armrest. “It must be six weeks since I even got an e-mail from you. I’m pretty surprised to see you.”

“I’m sorry about that. But first things first, okay? I’m presenting at a pediatric AIDS conference in Los Angeles tomorrow. My connecting flight leaves at six A.M.”

“Not much of a window for good, quality vertical time.”

“No. So lighten up, would you? A lot of guys would be envious of you right now.”

“A lot of guys think the perfect woman is a twenty-year-old stripper with no gag reflex.”

“Are you saying I’m not perfect?”

“No, I’m saying…” Jack paused.

There were two white columns at the entrance to Jack’s living room. Rene tried to look at least half serious as she pressed her body against the nearest column, then wrapped her leg around it like an erotic pole dancer. “So I’m not twenty anymore. But two out of three’s not bad.”

Jack chuckled, and so did she. It was a nice combination, someone who could crack you up and turn you on at the same time. “Come here, you.”

She went to him, nuzzling up to his neck.

“How long you been traveling?” he asked.

“Seventeen hours.”

“How about a shower?”

“I’m wearing a thong.”

“How about a quick shower?”

She kissed him about the face and said, “How about you shower with me?”

“Hmm. Very tempting, honey. But there’s absolutely no way we’ll get out of there without having sex, and sex in my teeny-tiny shower stall rates right up there with sex on a coffee table. Alluring in theory, but what the hell’s the point when there’s a perfectly good mattress twenty feet away?”

“You’re such a putz.”

“I know. It’s a gift.”

“Get your ass in the shower.”

He smiled and said, “Yes, ma’am.”

Jack was staring at the final witness for the prosecution. After a night with Rene, he was barely able to keep his eyes open. But it didn’t take long to figure out that the prosecutor had saved the best for last.

Lieutenant Stephen Porter was the lead NCIS investigator on the case against Lindsey Hart. Motive had already been established: Alejandro Pintado and Dr. Vandermeer had painted Lindsey as an unfaithful wife who would gladly make herself a widow, if that’s what it took to get off the naval base and inherit her husband’s family money. The medical examiner had confirmed her opportunity to commit the crime: he placed the time of death before Lindsey left for work, though Jack had chipped away at his guesstimate. The final leg of the murder triangle was the means, which it was the investigator’s chief function to establish.

“Did you consider the possibility of suicide?” the prosecutor asked.

Porter sat up straight, though he was already quite rigid. He was alert, nicely groomed, and smartly dressed in his naval uniform, the antithesis of the typical chain-smoking, burned-out homicide detective on the civilian side. “Yes,” he said. “We considered it. But the fact that the victim’s gun was found with the safety on suggested that it wasn’t suicide. Kind of hard to put on the safety after you kill yourself.”