Robin Cook - Acceptable Risk

“I don’t want to hear this,” Stanton said as he cupped his hands over his ears.

“They shouldn’t be taking the drug at this stage,” Kim said. “And you know it. I think you should stop them.”

“Me?” Stanton said. “I just told you a minute ago I’m in finances. I don’t meddle with the science side, especially when they have told me that taking the drug will speed up its evaluation process. Besides, this mild paranoia and forgetfulness are probably due to how hard they are working. Edward knows what he is doing. My God, he’s tops in his field.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” Kim said. “If you try to convince Edward to stop taking the drug, I’ll try to convince him that the finances should be left to you.”

Stanton made a face as if he had been stabbed in the back. “This is ridiculous,” he said. “I’ve got to negotiate with my own cousin.”

“It sounds reasonable to me,” Kim said. “We’ll be helping each other.”

“I can’t promise anything,” Stanton said.

“Nor can I,” Kim said.

“When will you talk with him?” Stanton asked.

“Tonight,” Kim said. “What about you?”

“I suppose I could just go back and talk with him now,” Stanton said.

“Do we have a deal?” Kim asked.

“I suppose so,” Stanton said reluctantly. He stuck out his hand and Kim shook it.

Kim watched as Stanton started back toward the lab. In contrast to his usual sprightly step his gait was plodding, with his arms hanging straight down like he was lugging heavy weights in both hands. Kim couldn’t help but feel sorry for him since she knew that he was distressed. The problem was he’d put all his money into Omni, violating one of his own cardinal rules of investing.

After climbing up to the attic, Kim walked over to one of the dormer windows that faced in the direction of the lab. She was just in time to see Stanton disappear into the building. Kim didn’t have high hopes that Stanton would be successful getting Edward to stop taking Ultra, but at least she could feel that she’d tried.

That night Kim made it a point to stay awake until Edward came in just after one in the morning. She was reading when she heard the front door close, followed by Edward’s footfalls on the old stairs.

“My goodness,” he said, sticking his head into her bedroom. “That must be one hell of a book to keep you awake until this hour.”

“I’m not tired,” Kim said. “Come in.”

“I’m exhausted,” Edward said. He stepped into the room and absently petted Sheba while he yawned. “I can’t wait to get into bed. It hits me just after midnight like clockwork. The amazing thing is how quickly I fall asleep once the tiredness comes. I have to be careful if I sit down. If I lie down, forget it.”

“I noticed that,” Kim said. “Sunday night you didn’t even turn out your light.”

“I suppose I should be aggravated with you,” Edward said. He was smiling. “But I’m not. I know you only have my best interests at heart.”

“Are you going to tell me what you are talking about?” Kim asked.

“As if you didn’t know,” Edward said teasingly. “I’m talking about Stanton’s sudden concern for my well-being. I knew you were behind it the moment he opened his mouth. It’s not like him to be so sympathetic.”

“Did he tell you about our deal?” Kim said.

“What kind of deal?” Edward asked.

“He agreed to try to get you to stop taking Ultra if I would convince you that Omni’s finances should be left up to him.”

“Et tu Brute,” Edward said jokingly. “This is a fine state of affairs. The two people I think I’m closest to are scheming behind my back.”

“As you said, we’ve only your best interests at heart,” Kim said.

“I think I’m capable of deciding what’s best for me,” Edward said amiably.

“But you’ve changed,” Kim said. “Stanton said you’ve changed so much that you’re becoming like him.”

Edward laughed heartily. “That’s great!” he said. “I’ve always wanted to be as outgoing as Stanton. Too bad my father passed away. Maybe he’ d finally be pleased with me.”

“This isn’t a joking matter,” Kim said.

“I’m not joking,” Edward said. “I enjoy being socially assertive instead of shy and bashful.”

“But it’s dangerous taking an untested drug,” Kim said. “Besides, don’t you question the ethics of acquiring character traits from a drug rather than from experience? I think it’s fake and like cheating.”

Edward sat on the edge of Kim’s bed. “If I fall asleep call a tow truck to get me into my bed,” he said with a chuckle. He then had another extended yawn that he tried to cover with his fist. “Listen, my dearest,” he said. “Ultra is not untested; it’s just not fully tested. But it’s nontoxic and that’s the important thing. I’m going to continue taking it unless a serious side effect occurs, which I sincerely doubt. As to your second point, it’s clear to me that undesirable character traits, like in my case my shyness, can become entrenched by experience. Prozac, to an extent, and now Ultra, to a greater extent, have unlocked the real me, the person whose personality had been submerged by an unfortunate series of life experiences that made me the socially awkward person I’d become. My personality right now hasn’t been invented by Ultra and isn’t fake. My current personality has been allowed to emerge despite a haze of facilitated neural responses that I’d call a ‘bum network.’”

Edward chuckled as he gave Kim’s leg a reassuring pat through her covers. “I assure you, I’ve never felt better in my life. Trust me. My only concern now is how long I have to take Ultra before this current ‘me’ has been facilitated so that when I stop taking Ultra I won’t relapse into my shy, socially awkward old self.”

“You make it sound so reasonable,” Kim complained.

“But it is,” Edward said. “This is the way I want to be. Hell, this is the way I probably would have been if my father hadn’t been such a bore.”

“But what about the forgetfulness and the paranoia?” Kim said.

“What paranoia?” Edward asked.

Kim reminded him of his coming to the house that morning to use the phone and having to go out of the lab to talk with Stanton.

“That wasn’t paranoid,” Edward said indignantly. “Those characters down in the lab have become the worst gossip hounds I’ve ever been around. I’m just trying to protect my privacy.”

“Both Stanton and I thought it seemed paranoid,” Kim said.

“Well, I can assure you it wasn’t,” Edward said. He smiled. The twinge of irritation he’d felt at being accused of paranoia had already passed. “The forgetfulness I’ll admit to but not the other.”

“Why not stop the drug and start it again during the clinical phase?”

“You are a hard person to convince,” Edward said. “And unfortunately I’m out of energy. I can’t keep my eyes open. I’m sorry. We’ll continue this tomorrow if you’d like since it is an extension of a previous discussion. Right now I have to go to bed.”

Edward bent over, gave Kim a kiss on her cheek, and then walked unsteadily out of her room. She heard him moving about his bedroom for only a few minutes. Then she heard the deep heavy respiration of someone already fast asleep.

Amazed at the rapidity of the transformation, Kim got out of bed. After slipping on her robe, she walked through the connecting hall to Edward’s bedroom. A trail of discarded clothes led across the room, and Edward was spread-eagled on top of his bed, clothed only in his underwear. Just as what happened Sunday night, his bedside lamp was still on.

Kim walked to the light and switched it off. Standing next to him, she was amazed at how loud his snoring was. She wondered why it had never awakened her when they slept together.