Karin Slaughter - Faithless

He said, “You weren’t at the picnic last year.”

“No,” she agreed, clutching the arms on the chair much as Terri Stanley had done two days before.

“What’s going on, Lena?”

“I thought…” Lena began, not able to finish her sentence. What did she think? What could she tell Jeffrey without revealing too much about herself?

“Is it the alcohol?” he asked, and for a moment she had no idea what he was talking about.

“No,” she said. Then, “I made that up.”

He didn’t seem surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. She let some of the truth come out, a thin stream of air escaping from a balloon. “Dale hits her.”

Jeffrey had been about to take a sip of coffee, but his cup stopped in midair.

“I saw bruises on her arm.” She nodded her head, like she was confirming it to herself. “I recognized them. I know what they look like.”

Jeffrey put down his cup.

“I told her I’d help her get away.”

He guessed. “She didn’t want to go.”

Lena shook her head.

He shifted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You think you’re the right person to help her?”

Lena felt the heat of his stare. This was the closest they had come to talking about Ethan since she had started seeing him last year.

“I know he uses his hands on you,” Jeffrey said. “I’ve seen the marks. I’ve seen you coming in with makeup covering the bruises under your eye. I’ve seen the way you cringe when you breathe because he’s hit you so hard in the gut you can barely stand up straight.” He added, “You work in a police station, Lena. You didn’t think a bunch of cops would notice?”

“Which cops?” she asked, feeling panicked, exposed.

“This cop,” he said, and that was all she really needed to hear.

Lena looked at the floor, shame pulsing through every inch of her body.

“My dad used to hit my mom,” he said, and though she had guessed this a long time ago, Lena was surprised that he was confiding in her. Jeffrey seldom talked about anything from his personal life that didn’t connect directly to a case. “I used to get in between them,” he said. “I figured if he was beating on me, he’d have less for her later.”

Lena traced her tongue along the inside of her lip, feeling the deep scars from the many times Ethan had busted the skin. He had broken a tooth six months ago. Two months after that, he had slapped her so hard on the side of the head that she still had trouble hearing things out of her right ear.

“Never worked that way,” Jeffrey said. “He’d get mad at me, beat me to the floor, then he’d haul off on her just as hard. Used to be I’d think he was trying to kill her.” He paused, but Lena refused to look up. “Till one day I figured it out.” He paused again. “She wanted him to,” he said, no trace of emotion in his voice. He was matter-of-fact about it, as if he had realized a long time ago that there was nothing he could do.

He continued, “She wanted him to end it. She didn’t see any other way out.”

Lena felt herself nodding. She wasn’t getting out. This morning was just part of an act she used to convince herself she wasn’t completely lost. Ethan would be back. He was always back. She would only be free when he was finished with her.

Jeffrey said, “Even with him dead, part of me still thinks she’s waiting for it. Waiting for that one hit that knocks the life out of her.” Almost to himself, he added, “Not that there’s much life left.”

Lena cleared her throat. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess that’s how Terri feels.”

Jeffrey was obviously disappointed. “Terri, huh?”

She nodded, making herself look up, willing tears not to come into her eyes. She felt so raw that it was a struggle to even move. With anyone else, she would be breaking down, telling them everything. Not Jeffrey, though. She couldn’t let him see her like this. No matter what, she couldn’t let him see how weak she was.

She said, “I don’t think Pat knows.”

“No,” Jeffrey agreed. “Pat would haul Dale in if he knew. Even if they are brothers.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

“You know how it is.” He shrugged. “You’ve been on the job long enough to know how it works. We can bring a case, but it won’t stick unless Terri steps up to the plate. She’s got to testify against him.”

“She won’t do that,” Lena said, remembering how she had called the woman a coward. Called herself a coward. Could Lena stand up in court and point out Ethan? Would she have the will to accuse him, to send him away? The thought of confronting him sent a tingle of fear straight up her spine.

“Something I learned from my mama,” Jeffrey said, “is that you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.”

“No,” she agreed.

“Statistically, an abused woman is most likely to be murdered when she leaves her abuser.”

“Right,” she said, flashing on Ethan again, the way he had chased after her car this morning. Had she thought it would be that easy? Had she really thought he would let it go at that? He was probably planning his revenge right now, thinking of all kinds of pain he could bring down on her to punish her for even thinking she could get away.

He repeated, “You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.”

Lena nodded. “You’re right.”

He stared at her for another moment. “I’ll check in with Pat when he’s back, tell him what’s up.”

“You think he’ll do anything?”

“I think he’ll try,” Jeffrey answered. “He loves his brother. That’s the thing people don’t understand.”

“What people?”

“People who aren’t in it,” he said, taking his time to explain. “It’s hard to hate somebody you love.”

She nodded, chewing her lip, unable to speak.

He stood. “Buddy’s here.” He asked, “We okay?”

“Uh,” Lena began. “Yeah.”

“Good,” he said, all business as he opened the door. He walked out of the office and Lena followed, still not knowing what to say. Jeffrey was acting as if nothing had happened between them, flirting with Marla, saying something about her new dress as he leaned down to buzz Buddy into the squad room.

The lawyer hobbled in on a single crutch, his prosthetic leg nowhere to be seen.

Jeffrey’s tone seemed forced to Lena, like he was trying his damnedest to pretend everything was right in the world. He joked with Buddy, “Wife take your leg again?”

Buddy wasn’t his usual avuncular self. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Jeffrey stood back, letting Buddy go ahead of him. As they started to walk, Lena saw that Jeffrey was limping almost in exact time with Buddy. Buddy noticed this, too, and gave a sharp look.

Jeffrey seemed embarrassed. “I cut my foot last night.”

Buddy raised his eyebrows. “Don’t let it get infected.” He tapped his stump to reinforce the warning. Jeffrey’s face turned almost completely white.

He said, “I had Brad put Patty in the back room.”

Lena took the lead, walking back to the interrogation room, trying not to think about what Jeffrey had said in his office. She forced herself to focus instead on his conversation with Buddy about the high school football team. The Rebels were looking at a tough season, and the men recited statistics like preachers reading from the Bible.

She heard Patty O’Ryan before she even opened the door. The girl was screaming like a banshee in heat.

“Get me the fuck out of here! Get these fucking chains the fuck off me, you goddamn motherfuckers!”

Lena stood outside the door as she waited for the others to catch up. She had to section off the part of her brain that kept going over Jeffrey’s words. She had to stop letting her feelings get in the way of her job. She had already fucked up the interview with Terri Stanley. There was no way she could screw up again. She wouldn’t be able to face herself.