Robin Cook - Toxin

Kim was standing next to her gurney in a clutch of other gurneys with patients waiting to be taken to their respective operating rooms. He was dressed in scrubs, with a hood on his head and booties covering his shoes. He'd recovered his senses after the scene in Becky's room an hour and a half earlier. He'd apologized profusely to Kathleen. She'd graciously said she understood. Claire had arrived soon after and had immediately requested an emergency surgical consult.

"Will I be all right, Daddy?" Becky asked.

"What are you talking about?" Kim asked, trying to make it sound as if it were a ridiculous question. "Of course, you'll be fine. They're just going to open you up like a zipper, patch the little hole, and that will be it."

"Maybe I'm being punished for not signing up for the Nationals," Becky said. "I'm sorry now that I didn't. I know you wanted me to."

Kim choked on tears that threatened to erupt. For a moment he looked off to compose himself and try to think of a response. He found it difficult to tell his daughter about fate when he was grasping for an explanation himself. Only days before, she'd been the very epitome of youthful vigor; now she was poised at the edge of the abyss. Why? he pondered.

"I'll have Mom bring me in the application," Becky added.

"Don't you worry about the Nationals," Kim said. "I don't care about them. I only care about you."

"Okay, Becky," a cheerful voice called out. "Time to fix you up."

Kim raised his head. Both Jane Flanagan, the anesthesiologist, and James O'Donnell, the gastrointestinal surgeon, had appeared from the depths of the OR. They came over to Becky's gurney. Jane went to the head and released the wheel locks.

Becky gripped Kim's hand with surprising strength, considering the amount of pre-op medication she'd had. "Will it hurt?" she asked Kim.

"Not with Jane taking care of you," James said playfully, overhearing the question. "She's the best sand-woman in the business."

"We'll even order you a good dream," Jane joked.

Kim knew and admired both these professionals. He had worked with Jane on numerous cases and had served with James on multiple hospital committees. James had been at Samaritan with Kim and had the reputation of being the best GI surgeon in the city. Kim had felt relieved when he agreed to drop everything that afternoon and come in to operate on Becky.

James grasped the foot of Becky's gurney. With Jane walking backward and James guiding, they maneuvered Becky toward the double swinging doors leading to the OR corridor.

Kim walked along the side. Becky still had a grip on his hand. Jane used her rump to open the doors. As the gurney slid through, James reached out and grasped Kim's arm to keep him from following. The doors closed behind Becky and Jane.

Kim looked down at the hand clasped around his arm and then up into James's face. James was not quite as tall as Kim but bulkier. He had a spattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose.

"What are you doing?" Kim inquired. "Let go of my arm, James."

"I heard what happened downstairs," James said. "I think it's best you don't come into the OR."

"But I want to come in." Kim said.

"Maybe so," James said. "But you're not."

"The hell I'm not," Kim said. "This is my daughter, my only daughter."

"That's the point," James said. "You stay out in the lounge, or I'm not doing the case. It's as simple as that."

Kim's face reddened. He felt panic about being cornered and confused as to what he should do. He desperately wanted James to do the surgery, but he was terrified to be apart from Becky.

"You have to make up your mind," James said. "The longer you agonize, the worse it is for Becky."

Kim angrily snatched his arm free, and, without saying another word, he broke off from staring at James. He strode away toward the surgical locker room.

Kim didn't look at the faces of the people in the surgical lounge as he passed through. He was too distraught. But he didn't pass by unnoticed.

In the locker room, Kim went directly to the sink and filled the bowl with cold water. He splashed it repeatedly onto his face before straightening up to regard himself in the mirror. Over his shoulder, he saw the pinched face of Forrester Biddle.

"I want to talk with you." Forrester said in his clipped voice.

"Talk," Kim said. He took a towel and briskly dried his face. He didn't turn around.

"After imploring you not to go to the media with your opinions, I was appalled to hear Kelly Anderson again quote you on the eleven o'clock news."

Kim let out a short, mirthless laugh. "That's curious, considering that I had refused to talk with her."

"She said it was your feeling that AmeriCare closed the Samaritan ER to cut costs and increase profits by forcing everyone to use the overburdened ER here at the University Med Center."

"I didn't say that," Kim responded. "She did."

"She quoted you," Forrester said.

"A curious situation," Kim said casually. In his current agitated state of mind he was getting perverse pleasure out of Forrester's self-righteous anger. Consequently Kim was not inclined to defend himself, although the incident strengthened his resolve never to talk to the TV journalist again.

"I'm warning you again," Forrester announced. "The administration and myself only have so much forbearance."

"Fine," Kim said. "Consider me warned again."

For a moment Forrester's tight mouth became a grim line without lips. "You can be galling," he spat. "I should remind you that just because you ran the department over at the Samaritan, you should not expect special treatment over here."

"That's apparent," Kim said. He threw the towel into the hamper and walked out, without giving Forrester another glance.

Using the phone in one of the dictation booths to avoid Forrester, Kim called Ginger to tell her that he'd not be coming back to the office. She told him that she'd assumed as much and had sent all the patients home.

"Were they upset?" Kim asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Ginger said. "Of course they were upset, but they understood when I said it was an emergency. I hope you don't mind that I said it involved your daughter. I knew they'd empathize."

"I suppose that's all right," Kim said, although mixing his private life and professional life bothered him.

"How is Becky?" Ginger asked.

Kim explained what had happened and that Becky was in surgery at that moment.

"I'm so sorry," Ginger said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I can't think of anything," Kim said.

"Call me," Ginger said. "After aerobics I'll be at home."

"Fine," Kim said. He hung up.

Knowing himself well enough that he could not just sit and wait while Becky was in surgery, Kim went to the hospital library. He had a lot of reading to do. He had to learn what he could about E. coli 0157:H7 and HUS.

Kim glanced at his watch. It was almost midnight. He looked back at Becky and shuddered. Her image was distorted by a clear plastic tube that snaked out of one of her nostrils and was attached to low suction. Becky's dark hair framed her otherwise angelic, pale face with soft waves. Tracy had combed it for almost an hour. It was something Becky had always liked, and it had done the trick. Becky was fast asleep and appeared for the moment the picture of tranquility.

Kim was standing next to Becky's bed. The room was awash with the gentle glow of the reflected night-light, just as it had been early that morning. Kim was exhausted mentally and physically.

Tracy was on the other side of the bed, leaning back in one of the two vinyl-covered chairs in the room. She had her eyes closed, but Kim knew she was not asleep.

The door opened on silent hinges. Janet Emery, the corpulent night nurse, pushed through the door. Her permed blond hair glowed in the half light. She didn't speak. She moved to the side of the bed opposite from Kim. Her shoes were soled in a soft crepe so her footfalls were inaudible. Using a small flashlight, she took Becky's blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. Becky stirred but immediately fell back asleep.