Sue Grafton - S is for Silence

That’s what he was hoping to get down to.

Here’s how it went instead.

The pastor, in a mild and caring tone, had asked him what he saw as the problem.

Tom had his answer all set. “In a nutshell, I see marriage as a partnership of equals, like a team, but that’s not what I’m dealing with here. She has no faith in me, and that undercuts any faith I might have in myself. I’m no expert on the Bible, but Scripturewise, that doesn’t seem right.”

Cora had jumped in, giving the minister her side. “But we’re not equals. I brought a fortune into this marriage and he didn’t have a dime. I don’t understand why I have to sacrifice half of what I have so he’ll feel like a whole man.”

The minister said, “I understand what you’re saying, Cora, but there has to be a little give here.”

Cora blinked at the man. “Give?”

The minister turned to him. “Tom?”

“I’m not asking for a nickel of her money. All I want is a little help getting on my feet.”

“Why don’t you direct your comments to her?”

“Sure. Of course. I’d be happy to. What I can’t understand is your attitude. It’s not like you earned the money. Loden Galsworthy did that. When you met him, you were clerking in a dry goods store. He was a shrewd businessman. His funeral parlors are a big success, and I admire that about him. Who else would be ghoulish enough to make money off the dead? I’m asking for the chance to show you that I’m just as good or better.”

“Why do you insist on seeing yourself in competition with him?”

“I don’t. I’m not. How can I compete when the man is dead? Cora, I’m not a taker. That’s not my nature. Given half a chance, I can prove it to you. All I need is a stake.”

“Loden didn’t have money handed to him. He earned it all himself.”

“But he was born a man of privilege as you well know. I admit I come from humbler stock. You come from humble stock yourself and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. What I don’t see is why you’d begrudge me the opportunity.”

“What do you call the twenty thousand dollars I loaned you last fall?”

“That wasn’t enough to do me any good. I tried telling you at the time. You might as well have made it twenty dollars instead of twenty thousand. You can’t start a business without capital outlay, especially one like mine. But look at what I’ve accomplished. I got myself up and running and I did it on my own. What I’m talking about now is a little boost.”

“If your business were up and running, you wouldn’t be sitting here trying to browbeat me into giving you more.”

Tom looked at the minister. “Browbeating? Is this browbeating when I’m practically down on my hands and knees?”

The minister said, “I think Cora can appreciate your position in this.”

Tom said to Cora, “No, wait a minute. Who’s idea was this? Mine. I’m here trying to work things out, trying to resolve our differences with precious little help from you.”

“You’re here because you thought you could use him to pressure me into it. I’m sorry, but I won’t give you a cent. It’s out of the question.”

“I’m not asking you to give me the money. We’re talking about a loan. We can draw up any kind of papers you like and I’ll sign on the dotted line. I don’t want charity. I want your trust and respect. Is that too much to ask?”

Cora stared at her hands.

Tom thought she was formulating a reply, but then he realized this was her reply. He could feel the heat rise in his face. Her silence said everything. She had no respect for him and she had no trust. What it all boiled down to was she’d married him knowing full well that his financial situation was limited. She’d said it didn’t matter, but he could see now that what she wanted was the upper hand. Money was control and she had no intention of surrendering her advantage. When she’d been married to Loden he’d held the whip and she’d been dependent, jumping through hoops. Now she was doing the same thing to him.

He couldn’t remember how the session ended. Certainly not with Cora making a concession of any kind.

They’d been silent walking to the car, silent on the way home. He’d dropped her at the house and headed straight for the Moon. Violet was there that night. She’d perched on the stool next to his and he’d bought her a glass of red wine. She was half in the bag, but then again, so was he by this time. “What has you so down in the dumps?” she’d asked.

“It’s Cora. We had a counseling session with the minister and somewhere in the middle, the light finally dawned. The woman doesn’t trust me and she has no respect. I don’t understand it. She married me for better or for worse. This is worse, where I am, but she won’t lend a hand to pull me out of a hole.”

“What kind of hole?”

“Money, what else? My business needs a boost. That’s all I’m talking about.”

Violet had laughed. “She’s supposed to give you money? Why should she do that?”

“I’d do it for her. What’s marriage about if not sharing fifty-fifty? Doesn’t that sound fair?”

“Sure, but in this case, both halves belong to her. What do you have to offer?”

“Business savvy. I’m a businessman.”

“You’re a horse’s ass. You sound just like Foley. He’d love to get his big mitts on my money. It’s like the Chinese water torture. Drip, drip, drip.”

“You don’t see yourselves as a team?”

“Sure. We’re made for each other. He’s the boxer and I’m the punching bag.”

“You wouldn’t give him anything? Even if it might make a difference in his life?”

“Of course not. Why should I? He’d piss it away.”

“You women are hard. I’ve never seen anything like it. The Bible says wives should be submissive to their husbands. Didn’t you ever hear about that?”

“No.”

“Well, neither did my wife. It’s not even her money. She got it from that old fart she was married to. Hell, I’d have married the man myself if he’d asked me nice.”

Violet’s eyebrows went up. “Why? Are you one of them?”

“No, I’m not one of them. I’m just making a point.”

“You don’t know what women go through to get money.”

Tom said, “Well, I can make it easy for you. That money you got? You give it to me and I’ll promise you a forty percent return in three months. Guaranteed.”

“Bullshit.” She took out a cigarette and Tom leaned forward with a light. She blew out a stream of smoke and gave him a speculative look. “I got a question for you. How come you never come on to me? Don’t you find me attractive?”

“I do. Of course I do. What kind of question is that?”

“You’re a stud. I can tell by looking at you.”

Tom laughed, embarrassed. “Well, I appreciate your confidence. I’m not sure Cora would agree.”

“I’m serious. How long have we been talking like this? How many times we been in here dancing and clowning around? But you never make a move. What’s that all about?”

“I can’t believe you’d criticize me when I’m the only guy in town who’s not trying to get in your pants. You know why that is? I’ll tell you why. I’m more interested in this,” he said, tapping his head. “Sure, we could take a tumble in the hay. And then what? You’d move on to someone else. I’d rather be your friend.”

“Oh, please.”

“You know what grieves me? To see a mind like yours go to waste. You’re so busy fending off that psychopath you’re married to you don’t have the time or energy to do anything else. Why don’t you use your brain for a change and get away from the guy.”

“I don’t know. Foley’s kind of sweet in his way.”