Sue Grafton - S is for Silence

“There was no one you suspected even the tiniest bit?”

He shook his head. “At first, I thought it was someone from Santa Maria or Orcutt, somewhere like that, but there was never a claim from anyone else about a missing spouse, which is why no one gives credence to anything I say.”

“Let’s talk about you. What’s your story?”

“I don’t have a story. Like what?”

I shrugged. “Were you ever in the military?”

He shook his head, his expression sour, as though I was adding one more item to his list of grievances. “Army wouldn’t take me: 1941 when the war broke out, I was fifteen years old. As soon as I turned eighteen, I tried to enlist, but the physical messed me up. Teeth were bad. You were supposed to have six biting teeth and six chewing teeth lined up right. I didn’t get mine fixed until later. By then, I could see how being in the army wasn’t such a hot idea. Bunch of boys from around here went off and never did come back.”

“Daisy told me Violet was fifteen when you married her.”

“Bet she told you why, too.”

“I know she was pregnant. Did you ever think about putting the baby up for adoption?”

“Violet would have done that or worse, but I stood in her way. I wanted that child. I wanted to get married and raise a family. She acted like I forced it on her, which maybe I did, but I thought she’d adjust.”

“Fifteen is young,” I said, stating the obvious to keep the conversation afloat.

“Violet was never young. She told me once she was fooling around by the time she was twelve. I wasn’t the first to have her and I certainly wasn’t the last.”

“Did that bother you?”

“Her past? I didn’t care about that. What bothered me was everything she did after. You probably heard I hit her, but there’s two sides to every story. She was unfaithful-time and time again-and I defy any man who says he can live with a thing like that. Could you live with it?”

“That’s what divorce is for,” I said, blandly.

“I know, but I loved her. I didn’t want to live without her. I thought I might knock a little sense into her. That’s all I was trying to do. I know I was wrong. Sometimes I can’t believe I ever thought that way, but I did. She was stubborn… willful… and she never changed her ways. I was as good to her as I knew how and she left us anyway. About broke my heart.”

“And you’ve never remarried?”

“How could I? I have nothing to offer. I can’t say I’m divorced, can’t say I’m a widower. Not that any woman’s asked. Once Daisy left home, I took this job. Pastor gave me a place to live and I’ve been here ever since.” He was silent for a moment, emotion churning under the surface.

“Tell me about the car.”

“I can tell you exactly. Her and me had a fight. I forget now over what. I tore down a panel of her lace curtains and she went berserk, tore down the rest and threw them in the trash. She went over to the Moon and I followed her. We started drinking and she calmed down some. I thought everything was okay, but that’s when she up and told me she was leaving me. She said it was over and she’d be gone the next day. I didn’t believe a word. Violet said things like that every other week. This time she was crying so hard it tore me up. I was sorry for what I’d done. I knew those lace curtains meant something to her. I wanted to make up for that and everything else.

“She’d seen the car a couple days before and that’s all she talked about, so I went down to the dealership and bought it. I drove it home that same day and parked it out in front, then went in and told her to look outside. When she saw the car, she was like a little kid. It’s the happiest I’d ever seen her.”

“When was that? What date?”

“July third. Day before she left.”

“Did she talk about going somewhere, a road trip?”

“Not a word. She was nicer than she’d been in a long, long time, so I thought things were fine. We spent Saturday morning together, the three of us-her, me, and Daisy. I had a job of work to take care of in the early afternoon, but after that I came back and we did some stuff around the house. At five, she fixed Daisy’s supper-bacon and scrambled eggs, which was Daisy’s favorite. Violet had a babysitter coming at six. She was going to put Daisy in the bath and get her ready for bed. She wanted to change clothes and she said we’d meet at the park in time for the fireworks.

“I stopped by the Blue Moon on the way. I’ll admit I had a couple of beers… more than a couple, if you want to know the truth. By the time I got to the park, it was almost dark and the fireworks display was about to begin. I looked everywhere for her and finally took a seat and enjoyed the show by myself.”

“People saw you there?”

“Yes, indeed. That’s one thing people had to give me. Livia Cramer was sitting right there talking to me, big as life. When I got to the house, I could see the car wasn’t in the drive. I went in and realized Violet was gone as well.”

“But the babysitter was there, yes?”

“That’s what she says. My thinking wasn’t all that clear.”

“Why was that?”

“I had a couple more beers at the park and then stopped off at the Moon on my way home. That’s why I wasn’t too steady on my feet. I went in the bedroom and laid across the bed. I didn’t look in Daisy’s room because it didn’t occur to me. I thought she was out with Violet, riding in the car. I figured Violet changed her mind and decided Daisy should see the fireworks. Next thing I know it’s morning and Daisy’s tugging on my hand.”

“And then what?”

“Then I went through the roughest two days of my life. Sunday morning, I called the sheriff’s department to see if they knew anything. I thought she might have been arrested, or in a car wreck. Deputy said no, but if I hadn’t heard from her by Tuesday, I could come in and file a missing-persons report, which is what I did when she hadn’t come back. I gave up drinking that day and I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.”

“And she never got in touch?”

“Not a call. Not a postcard. No word of any kind from that day to this.”

“Why’d you keep making payments on the car?”

“To show I loved her. To show I was sincere about changing my ways. I believed she’d come back, and on the day she did, if she ever did, I wanted her to know that I’d never lost faith.”

“It didn’t make you angry to have to pay for the car she went off in?”

“It made me sad, but in a way… if she had to go… I was happy she had that. Like a parting gift.”

“By then, everybody thought you’d done something to her.”

“That’s been my burden to bear and I hope I’ve done it like a man. I might sound bitter, but it’s not about her. It’s about the fact that I’ve been judged and condemned.” he reached for the bowl of peanuts and took one, then changed his mind and put it back. The dark sunken eyes came up to mine. “Do you believe me?”

“I don’t have an opinion. I’ve been on this one day. You’re only the second person I’ve talked to so I’m not in a position to believe or disbelieve. I’m gathering information.”

“And I’m telling you what I know.”

“What about the fifty thousand dollars she was said to have?”

“That was after Daisy’s birth. I don’t know the details except the labor went on for hours. Her water broke at nine o’clock on a Friday night, but nothing much went on. She was having contractions now and then, but she wasn’t in much pain. She thought it might not be as bad as she’d heard. I don’t know why but the minute any woman finds out she’s pregnant, other women haul out some terrible tale about how hard it was, how somebody’s cousin ended up hemorrhaging to death, about babies born deformed. She was scared to death and she wanted to hold off going to the hospital as long as she could. We stayed up all night playing cards-gin rummy-and she played me for a penny a point. I think she took something like fifteen dollars off me. After a while, the pains started coming harder and she got so she couldn’t concentrate. I told her we ought to go and she finally gave in. We got to the hospital and they took her off to the labor room. That was at six A.M. The nurse came out and said she was only four centimeters dilated, so they took me in the back and let me sit with her. She was suffering something awful, but the doctor didn’t want to give her anything for pain for fear it’d slow her down. Noon, I went out to get something to eat. I got back to the waiting room as the doctor arrived. The nurse had called him because she didn’t think Violet’s labor was progressing like it ought. I don’t know the particulars about what happened next. I know something went wrong and Dr. Rawlings was at fault. Daisy was okay. She was finally born around seven that night by forceps. There were female complications and the upshot was that he removed Violet’s womb. There she was, sixteen years old, and she could never have another child. I don’t think she gave a hoot about that, but she saw the opportunity to get some cash. I think she sued him for half a million dollars and got considerably less. She was tight-lipped about that and never would tell me the amount. She said the money was hers and it was none of my affair. Said she earned it the hard way and she wanted to make sure I never got my hands on it. She wouldn’t put it in a regular savings account because she was afraid of community property laws. She got a safe deposit box and kept the cash in there. I told her it was foolish. I said she ought to invest, but she was adamant. I think the money made her feel powerful.”