Stuart Woods - New York Dead

“I’m not breaking any laws, am I – parked outside my own house?” Stone tried to sound annoyed.

“I guess not,” the cop said. “I won’t wish you luck, though.” He turned and waded away through the snow.

Stone took a few deep breaths of fresh air before he raised the window. He looked at his watch: ten past midnight. Teddy had been in there less than an hour. He arranged himself again and settled down to wait, switching on the windshield wipers to clear the snow. As he did, Teddy walked out of the apartment building and started toward the car. He didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry.

“Get in, and let’s get out of here,” Stone said, opening the door for him.

“No hurry,” Teddy said. “Nobody’s going to be following me. Not for a while, anyway.”

“Tell me what happened,” Stone said, guiding the Jeepster up the block through the deep snow.

“You can hear pretty good with a glass against the wall, you know.”

“So what did you hear?”

“I heard the music for a while, and their voices, and then I heard the voices move away, so I figure they’d gone to the bedroom.” He shifted in his seat to get comfortable. “Now, there are two ways you can do this,” he said. “One, you can wait for them to go to sleep and then wake them up. That’s good enough, really; I mean, you got them in bed together, right? But the best way is to catch them doing the actual horizontal bunny hop. That way, there’s no talking their way out of it.”

“So, what happened?”

“You can hear pretty good with a glass against the wall,” Teddy said again, maddeningly. “I could hear them talking over the music. I reckoned they were sitting in front of the fireplace. But then I heard them move away, so I figure they’re headed for the bedroom, right?”

“And?”

“I was right. That’s where they were going. So I wait, maybe three minutes, and I go in.”

Stone’s heart was in his mouth. “Teddy, for Christ’s sake, tell me what happened.”

“I’m telling you, Stone; just be patient. Anyway, I leave the camera case and my shoes outside the door, I unscrew the bulb in the vestibule, and I go in real easylike with my key, and, right from the front door, I can hear them going at it, you know?”

“Teddy, spit it out. Did you get the shot we need?”

“So, what I do is, I switch on the camera, but not the light, so I’m recording sound, right?”

“All right, Teddy, go on, give me the gory details.”

“Then I tippy-toe to the bedroom door, and there they are in the moonlight. I think it’s probably good enough without the light.”

Stone was alarmed. “You didn’t use the light?”

“So I run a few feet with just the moonlight. The lady’s on top, she’s really taking a ride on the guy, you know? And they’re building up to it. Both of them are sounding like something at the zoo, no kidding. So, I’m grinding away in the moonlight, and they’re grinding away in the bed, and I can tell things are coming to a head, so to speak, so I wait until just the right moment, when they’re both bellowing like seals, and I hit the light!” Teddy was sounding absolutely delighted with himself.

“Thank God you hit the light.” Stone breathed, his heart pounding.

“Now, tell me, Stone, what’s your first reaction, somebody suddenly shines a bright light on you?”

“Oh, shit,” Stone said. “I’d throw up a hand to shield my eyes. You didn’t get their faces?”

“Stone,” Teddy said, sounding hurt, “you underestimate me.” He held up the water pistol. “That’s where this came in.”

“You shot them with a water pistol?” Stone asked, baffled.

“Right. I mean, here you got these two naked people, they’re on top of the covers, and they’re throwing their hands across their faces to shield their eyes or to keep me from photographing their faces, so with one hand, I give ’em a shot or two with the water pistol, aiming at tender spots like the armpit or the ribs, and, what do they do? Why, they grab at the places I squirted them, don’t they? And they leave their faces exposed, just long enough for me to record them for posterity.”

“Great! Then what happened?”

“Then the guy, who’s on the bottom, remember, tosses the lady in the air, and he starts for me. But I’m outta there, filming all the way, of course, and outside the door I got this little hook that goes one end over the doorknob and the other end hooked to the door molding, so the guy can’t open the door from the inside, right?”

“Wonderful,” Stone said.

“So, I ring for the elevator, and, while it’s coming, and while the guy is trying to break down the door, no doubt bruising his shoulder pretty badly, I slip into my shoes, stick the camera back into its case, and then the elevator comes, I ride down and walk right out of the building. To make it even nicer, the doorman is asleep!”

“Perfection,” Stone said. “Teddy, you’re a wonder.”

“Of course, our guy is going to have to call downstairs and get the doorman to open the door for him, and that’s going to be just a little embarrassing for him.”

Stone pulled up in front of his house. He reached into a pocket and handed Teddy a thick envelope. “Five thousand, as agreed,” he said.

“I thank you, sir,” Teddy said, glowing. He handed over the case. “Your camera, and your videotape.”

Stone got out of the car, and Teddy drove away. He let himself into the house and called Bill Eggers.

“Jesus, Stone, I haven’t slept a wink. How’d it go?”

“It went perfectly, absolutely perfectly.”

“You’ve seen the tape, then?”

“Well, no, I haven’t; I don’t have a VCR. But my man says he got it all, and he’s a good man.”

“You gave him the five grand without seeing the tape?”

“Take it easy, Bill, it went well, believe me.”

“I hope so, for all our sakes. Meet me at the office at nine tomorrow morning, and we’ll have a little private screening.”

“All right, but don’t worry, Bill. It went well.”

“If you say so,” Eggers said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Stone wearily got undressed and went to bed, but it was his turn not to sleep. If he’d known where to get a VCR in the middle of the night, he’d have gone out and gotten one. He hoped to God that Teddy O’Bannion’s confidence in his own work was not in any way misplaced.

Before leaving the house, Stone shoveled the steps and the sidewalk in front. The weatherman had said there had been eighteen inches of snow over-night, and Stone believed it. He could not remember such silence in the city.

There were no cabs to speak of, and, since the sun was shining brightly anyway, Stone hiked the distance to the offices of Woodman amp; Weld, walking in the paths broken by buses and the odd cab with chains. The only people in sight seemed to be those who had come out to play. He passed more than one group of adults building snowmen or throwing snowballs at each other. That, and the memory of a task well accomplished, made the day seem festive.

He arrived a little early and waited in the lobby for Eggers. When the lawyer arrived, he introduced Stone to the security guard and had him put on the list for after-hours entry to the Woodman amp; Weld offices.

“Jesus,” Eggers said as they rode up in the elevator, “I hope your man did this right. If we don’t have what we need on that tape, it’s going to put my client in a very awkward position. I mean, his old lady will be on her guard, and she could make it tough for him.”

“My man says he got it,” Stone said, “and that’s good enough for me.” At least, until we see the tape, he thought. It was not going to be good for his position with the law firm if the tape was not good.