Stephen White - Cold Case

But… he was never the right shape to fill the hole that Tami left when she was…"

Dell couldn't bring himself to say "murdered" or "butchered" or "ravaged" or whatever word his unconscious mind had used to pigeonhole the horror that had been inflicted on his only daughter.

I tried to remember why I was there. Despite my instincts, I steered south of Dell's pain.

"Mariko wasn't Tamis best friend?"

"Miko was new. For Tami, for us. And she was… what's the word? Exotic, you know, Oriental like that and all? I think that Tami was intrigued by the foreignness. Tami spent her whole life up here. Other than occasional family trips, I mean. Until the Japanese bought the ski area we never saw too many of them in these parts. I think most of 'em went to Vail and Aspen. Hell, we never saw much of anybody but the American tourists. And most of them were as white as we were. We got some Mexicans for a while before their economy tanked. But they go more for Vail and Aspen, too. That's what I hear anyway. Better shopping over there.

"The girls became good friends, sure. Miko could ski with Tami. Bump for bump.

Not too many girls could, or would. Tami liked that. But when I talk about Cathy and Tami and friendship, I'm talking the bigger picture. Confidences and all that. Cathy and Tami shared something special."

I was at a loss as to how to follow him wherever he was heading. It was as though he were leading me through a cave. I should have just shut up. Instead, I asked, "Does Joey still live up here?"

The tone of his voice lightened and I knew I'd let him off a hook with my question.

"We see him a lot. But he has a big fancy place near San Diego. On a golf course, of course. We visit. He visits."

"He has that plane. That must make it easier to see him."

Dell shook his head.

"Joey has investment advisers. Agents. Managers. The jet was their idea. They want him rested and relaxed while he plays. He's just a kid; he went along.

Waste of a lot of money far as I'm concerned. But it's his now so I try and get him to do some occasional good with it."

I decided to see how Dell would react to my mentioning that Lauren and I had been on the plane. Did he already know?

"We were flown to the Locard meeting in DC. on it. I was grateful for the convenience."

He nodded. He knew.

"Yes, I know. I told him it was the least he could do for his sister."

Although the tone harbored no bitterness, the words surprised me. I followed them. Apparently the plane trip was Dell's idea, not Joey's.

"What was their relationship like? Joey and Tami?"

"Good. Fine. They got along all right. Typical brother-sister stuff. But it was good."

I waited a long minute for Dell to expound on his impression of his children's lives together. But he just let the silence bob and float on the surface and didn't nibble on it at all.

I tried another cast.

"The ranch must feel empty."

Almost instantly, he replied, "I tell her over and over that they'd both be gone now anyway. Tami'd probably have married and moved away. Maybe to Denver.

She'd probably live closer to you than she does to us. And Joey would be… Joey. No matter what."

"I'm getting the impression that it doesn't help to tell Cathy that. Is that right, Dell?"

He smiled at me.

"You seem like a bright guy. You could see it in there, right?

She's still tethered to Tami. Cathy is, over all these years. I'm hoping you guys can find some answers that will set her free. You know? That's why we're going to all this trouble. That's why I'm willing to scrape the dirt off the top of my daughter's grave. I'm hoping it will set us free."

I thought I knew what he meant and I said so.

We left the barn and I followed Dell. After he plopped down in a four-wheel all-terrain vehicle with big balloon tires I climbed onto the passenger side.

"I talk better when I'm moving," he explained with admirable self-awareness.

"Why don't you tell me about her, Dell? About Tami?" Before he said a word, he started the little cart on a straight line toward some distant fields. The air was as clean as fresh water. The hay smelled sweet. The ride was surprisingly smooth.

Later on, walking through Steamboat Springs looking for a place to have lunch, Lauren and I compared notes.

Lauren started.

"Cathy thinks Dell was too hard on her-on Tami-says she thinks that he felt that Tami needed to be broken, like a wild horse. Cathy knew her daughter wasn't a saint but couldn't get behind Dell's program, so she kept a lot from him. Tami was on birth control pills, had been since just before her fifteenth birthday. Cathy said that Dell doesn't know that and that it would have caused a whole lot of trouble if he did."

"Does Cathy know if Tami was sexually active?"

"Cathy says she was. She maintains she never asked with whom, but says she did ask Tami if she knew him-the boy. Tami replied, "Mom, you know everybody." And they dropped it. Anyway, that's the story."

"Go on."

"Couple of times at least, Cathy became aware that the kids had been going out and drinking. Tami and her friends. She says that Dell never knew about it. She was working with Tami on her own to try and get her to 'moderate." That's Cathy's word: 'moderate."

" That's all the bad news?"

We were walking down Lincoln Avenue, the long spine of downtown Steamboat.

Lauren had stopped to read a menu outside a cafe called Winona's. The tables on the sidewalk along the main thoroughfare were full, a propitious sign.

"Tami had some minor problems at school. Skipped her afternoon classes once with some friends and went sking. They all got caught. Did some detention time. She got into one fight when she was sticking up for a friend in the lunchroom. Got caught again. Cathy says Dell was proud of her about that one.

Freshman year she gave a science teacher a hard time about grades. Felt the guy had been unfair.

Principal ended up getting involved. Dell was behind her on that one, too. How does this look?"

Lauren's question was about the menu. Without really assessing the offerings I said, "Looks fine to me."

"Shall we?"

"Do you mind if we walk around town a little longer before we eat? Are you up to it? My memory is that this street is pretty much it for downtown Steamboat.

We can circle back this way when you want to eat. Downtown hasn't changed that much, you know? But around the base of the ski area? Mountain Village? Wow, a whole new world in the last few years."

"I'm not sure I like it. The development."

I didn't either but I didn't want to get distracted from Tami and Miko.

"Walk some more?" "I feel great," she said.

"Let's go." We walked. It was my turn to report on Dell. I said, "It's funny, considering what Cathy had to say about Tami and Dell's relationship, but Dell focused on Tami's strengths. Didn't say much about any trouble they had with her. He talked about the day-care work she did at the church during Bible studies, the tutoring she did at school with the younger kids. Dell's mother was still alive then and he says that Tami was devoted to her. She lived here in town and Tami would stop by to see her and read to her and help her out three or four times a week with chores and such. Dell was real proud, too, of the way she handled the animals and skied. Hell, he was proud of her for just about everything she did." Lauren said, "I got the impression from Cathy that Dell could be real critical of Tami."

"Well, he wasn't when he was with me. That didn't come across at all. Did Cathy say anything about Tami breaking her leg when she was twelve? She was in a cast all spring?" Lauren said, "No."

"Apparently she was sking off a cornice on a dare from a boy she wanted to impress. Landed funny and shattered her tibia. Dell called it a 'damn fool thing' but I never got the impression he was mad at her about it. It was just an example he used to show me what an adventurer she was. You know-how her judgment wasn't always that sound? Not that she was a bad kid but that sometimes she didn't think things through. I think he was trying to tell me that she was capable of making bad decisions. Impulsive decisions. That he feared one of them might have had something to do with her murder. Does that make sense?"