Stuart Woods - L.A. Dead

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Amazon.com Review
Stuart Woods is a master of the glitzy, high-concept, suspense thriller, and Stone Barrington, hero of five previous mysteries, is the kind of private cop who glides gracefully between lavishly detailed dinners, private jets, fancy parties, sexy assignations in luxury hotels, and the occasional murder investigation. Occasionally he gets his hands dirty, but more often it's his sheets. L.A. Dead finds him in Venice, where he's about to marry the beautiful (but seriously crazy) daughter of a high-ranking Mafioso, whose other daughter happens to be married to Stone's best friend-an NYPD cop, naturally. The civil ceremony's over, but the church wedding is only hours away when Stone is called to L.A., where his former lover has just discovered her husband's dead body. The lover is Arrington (an oddity, given Stone's surname; did Woods just run out of imagination here?), the dead husband is a famous movie star, and everyone believes she killed him. Everyone except Stone, who's still in love with Arrington. He has a helluva time interviewing (and bedding) all the women in her circle, including the dead husband's private secretary, Arrington's best friend, her lawyer's mistress, and a number of Hollywood wives. Jackie Collins does the ladies better, but Stone manages to save the damsel in distress, get rid of his nutty near-wife without offending her father, and wrap up all the details except the most important one. No doubt he's saving that for the next book. In the meantime, Woods's many fans will snap this up and spend the interim wondering: if Stone marries the woman of his dreams, will that make her Arrington Barrington?

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The boat slowed and turned into a smaller canal, and shortly, came to a stop before a flight of stone steps, worn from centuries of footsteps. Two men dressed as gondoliers held the craft still with long boat hooks and helped the women ashore. As they reached the stone jetty, a pair of double doors ahead of them swung open, as if by magic, and Eduardo Bianchi came toward them, his arms outstretched, a smile on his handsome face. He embraced his daughters, shook hands fairly warmly with his son-in-law, then turned to Stone and placed both hands on his shoulders. "And my new son," he said, embracing him.

"Very nearly," Stone said. "It's good to see you, Eduardo, and it's very kind of you to arrange all this for us. Dolce and I are very grateful."

"Come into the house," Eduardo said, walking them toward the open doors. "You must be exhausted after your flight."

"Not really; it's hard to know how we could have been made more comfortable in the air," Stone said. "Once again, our gratitude."

Eduardo shrugged. "A friend insisted," he said. "Your luggage will be taken to your rooms. Would you like to freshen up, girls?"

The girls, dismissed, followed a maid down a hallway.

"Come into the garden," Eduardo said. "We will have lunch in a little while, but in the meantime, would you like some refreshment?*

"Perhaps some iced tea," Stone said. Dino remained silent. Eduardo ushered them through French doors into a large, enclosed courtyard, which had been beautifully planted, and showed them to comfortable chairs. Unbidden, a servant appeared with pitchers of iced drinks, and they were served.

"First of all, I must clear the air," Eduardo said. "I quite understand that you may be very attached to your own house; I would not impose mine on you."

Stone was once again astonished at Eduardo's apparently extrasensory intuition. "Thank you, Eduardo. It was a magnificent offer, but you are quite right-I am very attached to my own house. It is much caught up with my family's history in New York. Fortunately, Dolce has consented to live there."

"She is a smart girl," Eduardo said, smiling slightly. "I would have been disappointed in her, if she had begun her marriage by attempting to move her husband from a home he loves."

"I expect she will find my taste in interior decoration inadequate, and I have steeled myself for the upheaval."

"You are smart, too," Eduardo said. He turned to his son-in-law. "Dino, how goes it among New York's finest?"

"Still the finest," Dino replied.

"Are you arresting many innocent Italian-American businessmen these days?" Eduardo asked impishly.

"There aren't many left," Dino said. "We've already rehoused most of them upstate."

Eduardo turned back to Stone. "Dino disapproves of my family's former colleagues," he said. "But he is an honest policeman, and there are not many of those. Many of his other colleagues have also been 'rehoused upstate,' as he so gracefully puts it. Dino has my respect, even if he will not accept my affection."

"Eduardo," Dino said, spreading his hands, "when I have retired, I will be yours to corrupt."

Eduardo laughed aloud, something Stone had never heard him do. "Dino will always be incorruptible," Eduardo said. "But I still have hopes of his friendship." Eduardo glanced toward the French doors and stood up.

Stone and Dino stood with him. A tall, thin man with wavy salt-and-pepper hair was approaching. He wore a black blazer with gold buttons, grey silk trousers, and a striped shirt, open at the neck, where an ascot had been tied.

"Carmen," Eduardo said, "may I present my son-in-law, Dino Bacchetti."

To Stone's astonishment, Dino bowed his head and kissed the heavy ring on the man's right hand.

"And this is my son-in-law-to-be, Stone Barrington."

The man extended his hand, and Stone shook it. "Your Eminence," he said, "how do you do?"

"Quite well, thank you, Stone." Bellini held onto Stone's hand and stared into his face. "He has good eyes, Eduardo," he said to Bianchi.

Stone was surprised that the cardinal spoke with an American accent.

"My son," Bellini said to Stone, "it is my understanding that you are not a Roman Catholic."

"I am a believer, Your Eminence," Stone said, "but not a registered one."

Bellini laughed and waved them to their seats. He accepted a fruit juice from the servant, then reached into an inside pocket and took out a thick, white envelope sealed with red wax, and handed it to Eduardo. "Here is the necessary dispensation," he said. "The Holy Father sends his greetings and his blessing."

"Thank you, Carmen," Eduardo said, accepting the envelope.

If Stone understood this transaction correctly, he now had papal approval to marry Dolce. He was embarrassed that the necessity had never occurred to him. "Your Eminence, I am surprised that your accent is American. Did you attend university there?"

"Yes, and preparatory school and elementary school before that. I was born and raised in Brooklyn. Eduardo and I used to steal fruit together, before the Jesuits got hold of me." He said something to Eduardo in what seemed to Stone flawless Italian, raising a chuckle. He turned back to Stone. "I understand that you are engaged in the practice of law."

"That's correct."

"If I may torture the scriptures a little, it is probably easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a lawyer to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"I tread as narrow a path as my feet will follow," Stone replied.

Bellini smiled. "I should hate to oppose this young man in court," he said to Eduardo.

"Are you a lawyer, as well?" Stone asked.

"I was trained as such at Harvard," Bellini replied, "and my work requires me still to employ those skills from time to time-after which I immediately visit my confessor. I should hate to die with the practice of law on my soul."

"I understand you also dabble in banking."

"Yes, but there is nothing so pure as money, used properly. I am required to ask you, Stone, if you have ever been married."

"No, Your Eminence; I've come close, but I've never been in serious trouble."

"And do you willingly consent to your wife's devout practice of her religion?"

"Willingly, Your Eminence. To deny Dolce anything could be dangerous to my health."

Bellini seemed to try not to laugh, but Dino couldn't help himself.

The women arrived, and they all moved to a table set in the center of the garden, where they feasted on antipasti, a pasta with lobster sauce, and a glittering white wine, served from frosted pitchers. During most of lunch, Eduardo and the cardinal conversed seriously in Italian.

When they got up from the table, Stone sidled over to Dino. "What were Eduardo and Bellini talking about at lunch?" he asked.

"Not you, pal," Dino said. "They were doing business." He glanced at his father-in-law to be sure he would not be overheard. "Eduardo still doesn't know how much Italian I understand."

Stone and Dolce took a walk together through the narrow streets of Venice, becoming hopelessly lost. They did a little window shopping and talked happily. Stone tried to find out where they were honeymooning, but Dolce would reveal nothing.

They returned to the palazzo in the late afternoon, ready for a nap. Stone was shown to a suite-sitting room and bedroom-that overlooked the Grand Canal. He dozed off to the sounds of motorboats and of water lapping against stone.

He dreamed something that disturbed him, but when he awoke, he couldn't remember what it was. He joined the others for cocktails with a strange sense of foreboding.

At cocktails, Eduardo's sister, Rosaria, was present; she was a large woman who perpetually wore the black dresses of a widow. Stone had met her at Eduardo's home in New York, where she had kept house for her brother since his wife's death. Her younger niece was named for her, but the family had always called her Dolce.

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