Mary Clark: Where Are You Now?

One immediately caught his eye. It was a Christmas card with the MacKenzie family standing in front of their Christmas tree. It reminded Barrott of the Christmas card that he and Beth had sent in December, the two of them with the kids, Melissa and Rick, standing in front of their Christmas tree. He still had that card in his desk somewhere.

The MacKenzies got a lot more dolled up for their picture than we did, Barrott thought. The father and son were in tuxedos, the mother and daughter in evening gowns. But the overall effect was the same. A smiling, happy family wishing their friends the joys of Christmas and greetings for the New Year. It had to be the last one they sent before the son disappeared.

Now Charles MacKenzie Jr. had been missing for ten years, and Charles MacKenzie Sr. had been dead since 9/11.

Barrott rummaged through some personal papers in his desk and pulled out his family’s card. He rested his elbows on the desk and held up the two Christmas cards, comparing them. I’m lucky, he thought. Rick has just finished his freshman year at Fordham on the dean’s list, and Melissa, another straight-A kid, is finishing her junior year at Cathedral High and going to a prom tonight. Beth and I are more than lucky. We’re blessed.

The thought crossed his mind, suppose something happened to me on this job, and Rick walked out of his dorm and disappeared. What if I wasn’t around to find him?

Rick wouldn’t do that to his mother and sister, not in one hundred thousand years, he told himself.

But that, in essence, is what Carolyn MacKenzie wants me to believe about her brother.

Slowly, Barrott closed the Charles MacKenzie Jr. file and slid it into the top drawer of his desk. I’ll look it over in the morning, he decided, and maybe drop in on some of those people who gave statements at that time. Can’t hurt to ask some questions and see if their memories got refreshed along the way.

It was four o’clock. Time to shove off. He wanted to be home in time to take pictures of Melissa in her prom dress with her date, Jason Kelly. A nice enough kid, Barrott reflected, but so thin that if he drank a glass of tomato juice, it would be as visible as mercury in a thermometer. I also want to have a little chat with the limo driver who’s picking up the kids. Just to get a look at his license and let him know that he’d better not even think of driving one mile over the speed limit. He stood and put on his jacket.

You take all the precautions you can to protect your children, Barrott thought, as he turned and yelled, “See you,” to the guys in the squad room and walked down the corridor. But sometimes no matter what you do, something goes wrong and your kid becomes involved in an accident or is the victim of foul play.

Please God, he prayed as he pushed the button for the elevator, don’t let it ever happen to us.

U ncle Dev had told Elliott Wallace about the note Mack left in the collection box, and on Monday evening Elliott met us for dinner. Only a flicker of anxiety showed through his typically unruffled exterior. Elliott is the CEO and chairman of Wallace and Madison, the investment firm on Wall Street that handles the family finances. He’d been one of my father’s best friends, and Mack and I have always considered him a surrogate uncle. Divorced for years, Elliott is in love with my mother, I think. I also believe that her lack of interest in him in the years since Dad died is one more casualty of Mack’s disappearance.

As soon as we were settled at his favorite table in Le Cirque, I handed Elliott Mack’s note and told him it made me more determined than ever to find him.

I had really hoped that Elliott would side with me in my decision to try to find Mack, but he disappointed me. “Carolyn,” he said, slowly, as he read and reread the note, “I don’t think you’re being fair to Mack. He calls every year so that you’ll know he’s all right. You’ve told me yourself that he sounds confident, even happy. He responds immediately to your promise-or threat-to find him. In the most direct means at his disposal, he orders you to leave him alone. Why don’t you go along with his wishes, and, more important, why don’t you refuse to allow Mack to remain the center of your existence?”

It was not the kind of question I’d expected from Elliott, and I could see the effort it took for him to make it. His eyes were troubled, his forehead creased, as he turned his gaze from me to my mother, whose own expression had become unreadable. I was glad we were at a corner table where no one else could observe her. I was afraid she would flare up at Elliott as she had at me after Mack’s call on Mother’s Day, or even worse, break into a storm of weeping.

When she didn’t answer him, Elliott urged, “Olivia, give Mack the space he wants. Be satisfied that he’s alive, even take comfort in the fact that he’s obviously close by. I can tell you right now that if Charley were here, that’s exactly what he would be telling you.”

My mother always surprises me. She picked up a fork and in an absentminded way, traced something on the cloth with the prongs. I would bet anything it was Mack’s name.

As soon as she began to speak, I realized I had been completely wrong in evaluating her response to Mack’s note.

“Since Dev showed us that message from Mack last night, I’ve been thinking somewhat in the same vein, Elliott,” she said. The pain in her voice was evident but there was no hint of tears there. “I lashed out at Carolyn because she became angry at Mack. That wasn’t fair to her. I know that Carolyn worries about me all the time. Now Mack has given us an answer, not the answer I wanted, but that’s the way it is.”

Here Mom tried to smile. “I am going to try to consider him an AWOL son-absent without leave. He may live in this area. As you say, he did respond quickly, and if he doesn’t want to see us, Carolyn and I are going to respect his wishes.” She paused, then added firmly, “So there.”

“Olivia, I hope you stick to that decision,” Elliott said fervently.

“I’m surely going to try. As a first step, my friends the Clarences are leaving for a cruise on their yacht, starting at the Greek islands this Friday. They’ve been trying to persuade me to join them. I’m going to do it.” She put her fork down in a gesture of finality.

I sat back and pondered this unexpected turn of events. I had planned to talk to Elliott about my appointment with the superintendents of Mack’s building on Wednesday. Now, of course, I wouldn’t. Ironically, Mom had finally come to accept Mack’s situation, as I had begged her to for years, and now I didn’t welcome it. As every hour passed, I was more and more convinced that Mack was in serious trouble and facing it alone. I was about to raise that possibility but then clamped my lips together. With Mom away, I could search for Mack without having to cover up what I was doing, or worse yet, lying to her about it.

“How long is the cruise, Mom?” I asked.

“At least three weeks.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” I said honestly.

“So do I.” Elliott agreed. “Now, what about you, Carolyn? Still interested in becoming an Assistant District Attorney?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “But I’ll wait a month or so to apply. If I’m lucky enough to be hired, I won’t have any time off for quite a while.”

The evening progressed pleasantly. Mom, lovely in a pale blue silk shirt and matching slacks, became animated and smiling, far more than I had seen her for years. It was as though coming to terms with Mack’s situation was giving her peace.

Elliott’s mood brightened as he watched her. Growing up, I used to wonder if Elliott wore a shirt and tie to bed. He is always terribly formal, but when Mom turns on the charm, he simply melts. He’s a few years older than Mom, which makes me wonder if his head of charcoal brown hair can possibly be natural, but I think it may be. He carries himself with the erect posture of a career military officer. His expression is usually reserved, even aloof until he smiles or laughs, and then his whole appearance lightens up, and you can catch a glimpse of a more spontaneous person hiding behind his ingrained formality.