Lisa Kleypas - Give Me Tonight

"How am I different?"

"There are thing about you I didn't notice before, I guess." Ben paused and let go of her arms, bracing them on the wall behind her, forming a circle that enclosed her securely. "You're softer, somehow. You have more compassion. And you have the sweetest smile I've… " Their eyes met in the darkness, and Addie felt every bone in her body dissolve. Weakly she leaned back against the wall, her breath shortening. "You've always seemed pretty callous for a woman," Ben continued. "On the outside as innocent as a baby, on the inside as hard-hearted and cash minded as any painted cat in Abilene-"

"What's a painted cat?" she whispered, and he laughed quietly.

"Ever hear of a bawdy house, honey?" The word "honey" was a casual endearment that everyone used. But when Ben said it, it was an audible caress.

"Oh," she said, her face coloring. "How can you be so rude when-"

"We seem to have a problem understanding each other, Adeline. How did you manage to learn so many new words and forget so many old ones?"

"I… I don't know."

"The way you look right now is different from before. As if you need someone to take care of you. You've leaned on Russ in the past, haven't you? He's solved your problems, shouldered your burdens. But for some reason, you haven't been leaning on him lately. Why not? Have you two had a falling-out? Is that the problem?"

"No. Don't ask questions, I'm tired of questions, and I don't need someone to take care of me-"

"Yes, you do. There's been a hungry look in your eyes for days. A look of needing a man. Isn't Jeff fulfilling his role as your nearly-betrothed?"

Flinching, she turned away and tried to leave, but he wouldn't let her. His hands rested on her shoulders, and the hint of strength in his grip promised to increase if she didn't hold still. The protective walls around her heart seemed to crumble. The more she tried to steel herself against him, the more helpless she was. There was a dreamlike stillness between them, as each tried to see into the mystery of the other.

"No, he isn't," Ben said huskily, breaking the silence. "And you're looking for something better. So you're beginning to see him for what he is, hmmn?"

"No, I'm not! I mean, yes, I know what he is, and I like him just fine!"

"You like him for his looks and his money, and of course, his amiable personality. And at the same time you despise him for being a weak fool. No woman can stand a man who'll let her control him."

She glared at him, the line of her jaw showing through the delicate roundness of her cheek as she clenched her teeth. "You're making me sound awful. I'm not like that. "

"I've had you figured from the first moment we met. Oh, there've been some revisions along the way, but I've still got you down right."

"You couldn't begin to understand me," she said, her voice locked high in her throat.

“You know what a mavericker is, Addie?"

“A cattle thief."

"An entrepreneur. He doesn't let anyone stand between him and what he wants. I'm that way by nature, Addie, and so are you. And neither of us has respect for any folk who'll let us take advantage of them. I have a feeling it won't be long before Jeff's charms are going to pall, and you'll start looking for someone who won't let you manipulate him. Don't look so offended. You know it's the truth. "

"It is not," she said swiftly. "You don't know the first thing about me, or about what's between me and Jeff."

His smile was taunting. "Don't I?"

"No," she said coolly. "Jeff is more than man enough to take care of me. And I don't manipulate him!"

Ben grinned, noting that her paleness had been replaced by a healthy flush of indignation. "Be honest. You lead him around by the nose. "

"I don't!"

He smiled mockingly. "Such impressive loyalty to a man who doesn't know the first thing about you. I'd bet my last cent your conversations with him aren't worth a good cuss. But maybe it isn't his mind you're interested in. Possibly he provides a good roll in the grass. Admittedly his looks are passable, and then there's that mighty attractive ranch his father owns-"

"My relationship with Jeff is none of your beeswax!"

"None of my what?"

"You know what I mean!"

His eyes twinkled, and she realized he was laughing at her. "Yes, I know what you mean."

She was struck by the thought that he was Russell's mortal enemy. She desperately wanted it not to be true. "Ben… you would never hurt my father, would you?"

"Hurt Russ?" He looked startled. "God Almighty, no. Of course not. What gave you that idea?"

"He trusts you more than he trusts anyone else. You're closer to him than anyone. You're in a good position to hurt him. "

Ben's face went blank, as if a mask had slipped into place. All his warmth fled in an instant. "I owe him my loyalty. He gave me a new start when I needed one, a chance to work hard and get paid well for it. And honor aside, I have practical reasons to justify his trust in me. Why should I bite the hand that feeds me? I'd be crazy to hurt him." He straightened away from her and tilted his head toward the house. "Come on. I'll walk you back." His lips curved in a humorless smile. "Did anyone ever tell you that you have a talent for spoiling a mood, Addie?"

"What kind of mood?"

Ben laughed, shaking his head, and he took her arm. "Sometimes-not often-Jeff Johnson has my sympathy. Come on."

THE BUGGY PULLED AWAY FROM THE MAIN HOUSE AS Watts clicked to the horse, and Caroline settled more comfortably in the wicker seat. "Caro, is this going to jolt you too much?" Adeline asked worriedly, fussing with the pillows and sliding another one behind her back. "If it's at all dangerous for you to be going to town with me, I'II-"

"No, I'm not that far along yet. And I just have to get away from the ranch for a little while or I'll scream. Don't you remember how I was with Leah? I could go anywhere and do practically anything up to the last week. No, maybe you don't remember too well. You were just ten years old. Isn't it funny, that Mama had us ten years apart and I'm havin' this one ten years after Leah? She'll probably be a second mother to this baby just like I was to you. "

The two women spoke in near-whispers to keep from embarrassing Watts, the ranch hand who was driving them to town. Babies and childbirth were women's matters, ones that men liked to hear about as little as possible. If Watts heard anything they said, he didn't let on. He was a quiet man, a few years older than Addie, a little less than average height, but stocky and broad-shouldered. His dark blue eyes were often filled with equal parts of mischief and malice. Though he'd been perfectly polite, Addie was vaguely uncomfortable whenever she spoke to him directly. He treated her with such overdone respect it almost smacked of contempt, and she had no idea why.

"Have you decided on the names for the baby yet?" she asked Caroline.

"If it's a boy, Russell. And if it's a girl, Sarah. After our great-grandmother."

"Yes," Addie said, feeling a lump of pleasure-pain in her throat. "That's a pretty name." That was the right name. Her mother's name. But she won't be my mother anymore. Not if I'm already here. Not if I'm Adeline Warner. What an intriguing thought. Maybe she would be around to see Sarah grow up, come to know her as she never had been able to before.

Every now and then Addie wondered still if she were in the middle of a dream. In this moment, as she looked into Caroline's pretty flushed face, she knew it was real. The sun on her back was real. The jostling of the buggy and the mounted figures of cowboys in the distance weren't the products of a dream. She couldn't deny what was in front of her eyes. But could she ever stop grieving for the loss of the life she had known?