Michael Connelly - Chasing the Dime

"And you think he did this? She made him money. Why would he -"

"I don't know. I don't know what to think. It could've been the person she was with before she was supposed to meet you. It could've been a lot of things. I saw things in that apartment, whips and masks and things. Who knows what happened to her. But it could have been Wentz sending out the message: Nobody leaves. All I'm saying is that it's a dangerous world you work in, Robin. You should get out of it and you should be damn careful about it when you do."

She was silent and he knew he wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know. Then he thought he heard her crying but he wasn't sure.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," she said. "It's just that it's not so easy, you know. Quitting. Getting out and going back to the square. I mean, what else do I do? I make a lot of money doing this. More than I'll ever make anywhere else. What should I do, work at a McDonald's? I probably couldn't even get a job there. What do I put on the application, that I've been whoring for the last two years?"

It wasn't the conversation Pierce thought he was going to get into with her. He walked inside from the balcony and back into the living room. He had two new chairs but took his usual spot on the old couch.

"Robin? I don't even know your last name."

"LaPorte. And my name isn't Robin, either."

"What is it?"

"It's Lucy."

"Well, I like that better. Lucy LaPorte. Yeah, I like that. It's got a good sound."

"I have to give everything else to these men. I decided I'd keep my name."

She seemed to have stopped crying.

"Well… Lucy, if I can call you that. You keep my number. When you're ready to walk away from that life, you call me and I'll do everything I can to help you do it. Money, job, an apartment, whatever you need, just call me and you've got it. I'll do what I can."

"It's because of your sister that you'd do it, isn't it?"

Pierce thought about this before answering.

"I don't know. Probably."

"I don't care. Thank you, Henry."

"Okay, Lucy. I think I'm going to crash now. It's been a long day and I'm tired. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't worry about it. And don't worry about the cops. I'll handle them."

"Thanks. Good night."

He ended the call and then checked his voice mail for messages. He had five. Or rather, Lilly had three and he had two. He erased Lilly's as soon as he determined they were not for him. His first message was from Charlie.

"Just wanted to see how it went in the lab today and to ask if you'd had a chance to review the patent apps yet. If you see any problems, we should know first thing Monday so we have time to fix -"

He erased the message. His plan was to review the patent applications in the morning.

He'd call Charlie back after that.

He listened to the entire message from Lucy LaPorte.

"Hey, it's Robin. Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what I said to you at the end.

I've just been mad at the whole fucking world lately. But the truth is I can tell you care about Lilly and want to make sure she's okay. Maybe I acted the way I did because I wish there was somebody in the world that cared that way about me. So, anyway, that's it. Give me a call sometime if you want. We can just hang out. And next time I won't make you buy a smoothie. Bye."

For some reason he saved the message and clicked off. He thought maybe he'd want to listen to it again. He bumped the phone against his chin for a few minutes while he thought about Lucy. There was an underlying sweetness about her that pushed through her harsh mouth and the reality of what she did in order to make her way in the world. He thought about what she had said to him about using the name Robin and keeping the name Lucy for herself.

I have to give everything else to these men. I decided I'd keep my name.

He remembered the police detective sitting in the living room, talking to his mother and stepfather. His father was there, too. He told them that Isabelle had been using another name on the street and with the men she went with to get money. He remembered that the detective said that she used the name Angel.

Pierce knew that Renner had him pegged. What had happened so long ago was always close below the surface. It had bubbled up over the top when the mystery of Lilly Quinlan presented itself. In his desire to find Lilly, to maybe save her, he was finding and saving his own lost sister.

Pierce thought it was an amazing and horrible world out there. What people did to one another but mostly to themselves. He thought maybe this was the reason he shut himself away in the lab for so many hours each day. He shut himself away from the world, from knowing or thinking about bad things. In the lab everything was clear and simple.

Quantifiable. Scientific theory was tested and either proved or disproved. No gray areas.

No shadows.

He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to talk to Nicole, to tell her that in the last two days he had learned something he hadn't known before. Something that was hard to put into words but still palpable in his chest. He wanted to tell her that he no longer was going to chase the dime, that as far as he was concerned, it could chase him.

He clicked on the phone and dialed her number. His old number. Amalfi Drive. She picked up the phone after three rings. Her voice was alert but he could tell she had been asleep.

"Nicole, it's me."

"Henry… what?"

"I know it's late but I -"

"No… we talked about this. You told me you weren't going to do this."

"I know. But I want to talk to you."

"Have you been drinking?"

"No. I just want to tell you something."

"It's the middle of the night. You can't do this."

"Just this one time. I need to tell you something. Let me come over and -"

"No, Henry, no. I was sound asleep. If you want to talk, call me tomorrow. Good-bye now."

She hung up. He felt his face grow hot with embarrassment. He had just done something that before this night he was sure he would never have done, that he couldn't even imagine himself doing.

He groaned loudly and stood up and went to the windows. Out past the pier to the north he could make out the necklace of lights that marked the Pacific Coast Highway. The mountains rising above it were dark shapes barely discernible below the night sky. He could hear the ocean better than he could see it. The horizon was lost somewhere out there in the darkness.

He felt depressed and tired. His mind drifted from Nicole back to thoughts about Lucy and what he now knew appeared to have been Lilly's fate. As he looked out into the night he promised himself that he would not forget what he had said to Lucy. When she decided she wanted out and was ready to make the move, he would be there, if for no other reason than for himself. Who knows, he thought, it could end up being the best thing he ever did with his life.

Just as he looked at it, the lights of the Ferris wheel went out. He took that as a cue and went back inside the apartment. On the couch he picked up the phone and dialed his voice mail. He listened to the message from Lucy one more time, then went to bed. He had no sheets or blankets or pillows yet. He pulled the sleeping bag up onto the new mattress and climbed inside. He then realized he hadn't eaten anything all day. It was the first time he remembered that ever having happened during a day spent outside the lab.

He fell asleep as he was mentally composing a list of things to do when he woke up in the morning.

Soon he was dreaming of a dark hallway with open doors on each side. As he moved down the hallway he would look through each doorway. Each room he looked into was like a hotel room with a bed and a bureau and a TV. And each room was occupied.

Mostly by people he didn't recognize and who did not notice him looking. There were couples who were arguing, fucking and crying. Through one doorway he recognized his own parents. His mother and father, not his stepfather, though they were at an age that came after they were divorced. They were getting dressed to go out to a cocktail party.