Nicci French - Secret Smile

'You actually visited Tom Lanham.'

'I'm sorry, I don't see the problem.'

I looked over at Brendan. He had the very, very faintest of smiles on his face. It reminded me of the way he looked at me when we first met, when I first suspected that he really liked me. I looked at Pryor. He had no kind of smile on his face.

'You didn't just talk to Lanham. You took property of Mr Block's away with you.'

I looked at Polly again. She didn't catch my eye.

'If I saw him,' I said, 'I could give it to him. That was the idea. He just wanted to get it out of his flat. And if you talked to him, you also know that Brendan skipped without paying rent.'

Pryor looked at his file again.

'Mr Block's grandmother, Victoria Rees, is severely demented. You visited her at her nursing home.'

'Yes.'

'Did you think she would be able to give you Mr Block's address?'

'I wanted to find out about his childhood. For various reasons.'

'And you called on his sister,' said Pryor. 'And you asked offensive and invasive questions.'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'After all the tragedies he has suffered, Mr Block is trying to put his life back together. He has a new relationship. You approached his new partner. You had been spying on her and you threatened her.'

'I did not threaten her.'

'It was agreed with Mr Block and his legal representative that I would coordinate this meeting and speak on his behalf. But I just want to call on Mr Block to say what this has meant to him.'

Brendan gave a cough.

'I'm sorry, Mirrie,' he said. 'I feel sorry for you, I really do. But I've felt…' There was a pause as if this were all too painful to talk about. 'Violated. Threatened. Invaded. Unsettled.'

'Ha! My heart bleeds for you,' I said angrily.

'Miranda,' said Polly sharply.

'I have one more thing to say,' said Pryor. 'Ms Walsh and Mr Block came to see me with this information. Much of it I knew already. I have to say that there is an overwhelming case for dealing with this under the Protection from Harassment Act of 1997.'

'What the hell do you mean?' I said. 'Is Brendan pretending that I've been stalking him?'

'Listen, Miss Cotton,' said Pryor. 'It is my professional opinion that there is no doubt whatsoever that harassment has occurred. I want to say this very clearly in front of you and your legal representative. When I first read through this file, I was minded to arrest you. Your solicitor will be able to tell you that harassment under section two of the act is a summary offence with a penalty of up to six months' imprisonment or a fine of up to five thousand pounds, or both. I would be quite within my powers to arrest you here and now, and conduct a search of your property. I should say that the Harassment Act also allows for a civil remedy.'

I was so dismayed and angry and shocked that I could barely speak.

'That is just such a travesty,' I said. 'I just… Well, for a start, in no way have I harassed Brendan. I talked to friends of his.'

'The harassment isn't defined in the act,' said Deirdre Walsh in a chilly tone. 'If you believe you are being harassed and a reasonable person, such as a magistrate, agrees, then harassment is proved. I must say that I have never seen a clearer case.'

'Ms Walsh is right,' said Pryor. 'It was my view that the case should proceed. I consider you a possible threat to Mr Block. But he was eager to settle the case informally. If this case reached a criminal court, you would be subject to a restraining order. If it was a civil court it would be a restraining injunction. It doesn't matter. They amount to the same thing. Mr Block is willing to accept a personal commitment from you. If you won't make such a commitment, we'll think again.'

'You mean, you'll arrest me?'

'That's right,' said Pryor.

'This is completely insane,' I said. 'If anything, Brendan is the one who has been stalking me. I was the one who broke off with him and then he insinuated himself into my family, into my life. I should take an injunction out against him.'

There was quite a long, awkward silence.

'You're going about it in an unconventional way,' said Pryor. 'And now I think you might like a few moments with your legal adviser. We'll leave you alone together.'

The three of them stood up and walked past me. I had to stand up to leave space for them. Pryor closed the door behind him, but the inside wall of his office was entirely transparent. I saw them walk across towards the coffee machine, a group, speaking. Deirdre Walsh glanced back and I looked away too late. Polly was staring down at the carpet.

'That isn't exactly what I was expecting,' I said.

She turned to me. Her face was drained of colour.

'I'm not sure if I'm right for this,' she said. 'You may need someone more senior.'

'I just want your advice, Polly.'

She bit her lip.

'Is this true?' she said. 'Did these things happen?'

'They're not exactly false,' I said. 'In themselves. But… I mean, for example, the point about being caught looking through Brendan's bags. He was staying in my parents' house at the time, so it wasn't as if I were breaking and entering. And all those phone calls, it was a matter of A saying phone B, and B saying phone C, and so on. I was just trying to find him. The idea that I was stalking Brendan is grotesque. I think he's dangerous. What was I supposed to do?'

Polly stood up. She seemed reluctant to meet my gaze.

'I shouldn't have agreed to this,' she said. 'We know each other. It's not professional. I didn't realize… But look, Miranda, I think – apart from everything else – you should see someone.'

'If you mean a therapist, I have been talking to someone.'

'You didn't tell me that,' said Polly. 'Among other things.'

'I was talking to her about my feelings after losing my brother and my closest friend.'

'You should have told me.'

'So you could have discounted what I said as some psychological symptom?' Polly didn't reply, but she didn't deny it either. 'I'm not going to accept this.'

Polly shook her head urgently.

'No, Miranda, stop that. They are being generous with you.'

'Let them prove it in court.'

'Miranda!' Polly grabbed my arm with a grip that almost made me cry out. 'If you go to court you will lose. Let me tell you, you do not want to be cross-examined on what that detective read out from his file. You will be convicted, I promise. If you have the wrong judge, you could spend four months in Holloway. Is that what you want, for the rest of your life, every time you fill out a form, every time you apply for a job or a visa?' Polly was looking at me with a pity that revolted me. 'I don't know what's happened, but I'm so so sorry. Miranda, let me be your lawyer for five minutes and we'll just accept whatever they're offering. Whatever it is, they're letting you off easy. Will you let me ask them back in?'

I could hardly speak. My skin felt hot and clammy, while my mouth was dry.

'All right,' I said.

On the way out I caught sight of Brendan in the corridor. He was in conversation with Rob Pryor. He caught my eye and then he smiled. He raised his right index finger and wagged it slightly at me, like a teacher reproving a pupil. Then he passed the finger across his neck. Around the neck. What did that mean? Was it like a knife across a throat? Was it Troy 's noose around the neck? Was this a warning? Don't mess with me.

'Did you see that?' I said to Polly.

'What?' she said.

Nobody but me ever seemed to see.

Afterwards, back on the steps outside in the sunshine that made my eyes hurt, Polly said I should be very relieved. I had signed an undertaking drafted by Deirdre Walsh according to which I promised not to approach or contact Brendan or his friends or members of his family. Polly also said on my behalf that I was sorry and that I'd been under a lot of pressure and that I was already receiving psychiatric help. Before we parted, Polly held out her hand.