William Lashner - Bitter Truth

Hope started to run after her but Christian, being the most generous of souls, volunteered to set things right, and himself followed her out to the portico. A few moments later he returned and sat down and straightened his napkin on his lap as if nothing had happened. I gave him a questioning look but he gestured me to remain calm and soon Charity herself reappeared. I don’t know what dilemma caused her alarm but Christian was able to solve it as I believe he will be able to solve all the problems that can hereafter arise in our family. A new era for the Reddmans, an era of light and fellowship, has been embarked upon and I am not being too immodest when I say I feel myself at its very center .

April 12, 1912

Our list keeps growing, as if it had a life of its own, and Mother continues to meet with the cook to ensure that the wedding dinner will be of the highest quality. Christian has been so busy preparing that he is almost a stranger at the house, but a future of infinite togetherness beckons. There are barely two months till the wedding and so much remains to be decided upon, flowers and invitations and table settings. I have not yet chosen my dress. So much still to be decided upon my head spins .

I already sense the change in attitudes to our family since my engagement was publicly announced. Even Naomi Scott, that pale cat, called on me the other day to say how excited she was about my coming nuptials. The Shaws have always been one of the most highly thought of families in the city and so, it appears, my marriage to Christian will break down the final barriers to our acceptance. Father has even been asked to join the board of the Art Museum, which pleases Mother immensely. It is as if the stain of our past has been removed entirely. I would breathe a little more easily if Father’s business arrangement with the Shaws was fully executed, but the lawyers continue to bicker and I am told that Christian’s Uncle Sullivan is making things difficult. Closing on the deal will have to take place sometime after the wedding, but Father has already paid money to the banks and they have developed a new patience, so Christian says. I believe Father is looking forward to running the store. It is so much more elegant than his briny-smelling pickle and canning factory on the river .

It is good to see Charity so happy these days. While I can’t say she has been warm to me as of late, I believe she is truly excited about the wedding. Much of her time is spent away from the house, so we have no idea what her newest interests are, she has always a keen interest in some subject or the other, but whatever it be it gives her a true joy. She won’t confess anything to me, but I believe she has a beau. She has filled out beautifully in the past few months and carries with her everywhere a smile that can denote only a woman who has found her place in the world through love. Just today she was wearing a gold ring with her initials. When I asked her where she had purchased it she blushed wildly and refused to say. I only hope she can find for herself someone as loving, as faithful, as generous with his spirit as my dear Christian .

May 23, 1912

Something is terribly wrong with Charity and she refuses to tell us what loss has befallen her. I pray that the wedding is not the cause of her difficulties, though it is not rare for sisters to fall into a melancholia when another sister marries. We have never been a competitive family but I’d be less than honest if I wrote that the natural rivalries have not existed among us. Hope has been marvelous, considering her age and my out-of-turn nuptials, and I would have expected Charity to feel none of the pressures, being still so young, but one never knows how youth will react. Charity has been testy, her wicked sense of humor gone. When she is home she sits and pouts and her eyes are often red. I am loath to admit it but I fear that whatever it is that is troubling her has driven her to overindulge and her waist is gaining girth by the day. I don’t believe she’ll be able to fit into the dress we bought her only last month .

June 5, 1912

This is so like her. Father has spoiled her terribly and now she has taken to ruining everything. They had a terrible row, Father and Charity, their voices spilled out of his library with a venom that I had never heretofore heard in this house. Father’s voice was deep and angry, like a furious owl, hooting with indignation, and Charity was crying out her false pain, punctuated by her crocodile tears. The thunder outside was monstrous, as was the force of the rain, and still we heard their angry voices, sharp as the bolts of light that crashed their way through our shuttered windows. I am to be married in less than a week and I have barely seen my love for all the preparations. I need not Charity’s histrionics to distract me from my plans .

We are having the ceremony before the statue of Aphrodite, where Christian and I shared our first, glorious kiss. At least some arrangements are proceeding well. Just yesterday we decided to add, in front of the statue for the ceremony, an oval of the richest, brightest flowers to help celebrate the day. The gardeners have dug and prepared the oval plot before this evening’s rain and we will plant the flowers shortly before the wedding so their blooms will be freshest when we take our vows and their color contrast most vividly with my white silk gown. And, gratefully, the Pooles will soon be leaving the property for a two-week sojourn to Atlantic City, financed by my father. I insisted he send them away and, finally, he agreed, so we won’t have their anger to poison our reception. My wedding stands to be the most glorious affair of the season if we can keep our sister from falling apart or eating a swath through the buffet with her newly revitalized appetite

June 6, 1912

Charity is missing, she has fled. Her satchel is gone and so are some of her favorite clothes. After her argument with Father she packed her satchel and left the house for we know not where. Mother is distraught, Father is brooding silently but has determined not to summon the police to find her, though I know not why. With her missing it is as if the family is in mourning. How could she do this to me just five days before the most important day of my life? Whatever joy I was to feel about that day has been destroyed by her hateful behavior and poisonous attitude toward my future. I will go through the motions and smile at the guests and take my vows with my husband to be, but it can never be the same. Never shall I forgive her this complete disregard for my happiness. If only Christian were here to comfort me, but I have not seen him since she disappeared, as if he is avoiding to tread on our tender emotions while the wound of her disappearance is still fresh. Even in the most trying times his warmth and generosity cannot be overstated

June 9, 1912

The pall of Charity’s disappearance remains with our family. The wedding rehearsal was a dispiriting affair which Christian, wisely, failed to attend. I have not seen him since the stormy night of Charity’s disappearance from the household with her satchel and her problems and I wonder how our family’s current instability is affecting him. At the rehearsal, the minister joked about whether the groom would make it on the grand day itself and there was an uncomfortable silence, but I have no doubt that Christian understands that despite my sister’s disappearance there is too much at stake for the two of us, and for his family’s fortunes, to allow her absence to affect in any way our future. Our marriage must go forward as a necessity of our undying love. Everything would have come apart except for Father’s strength. He has insisted that the wedding proceed as planned and he refuses to let our sorrows get in the way. I believe until now I never understood the truly glorious power of his will, his single-minded devotion to whatever cause he has made his own, damn the costs. It is a lesson I have well learned from him and one I shall never forget. I understand him now as I never did before and I forgive him everything .