Jonathan Kellerman - Obsession

“It doesn’t need to be tonight, Tanya.”

“I hate having things pile up, Dr. Delaware. If you had time, so would I, but of course that’s not right. You need your evenings-”

“Nine thirty’s fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Could we make it nine forty-five, just to be safe? I could come back to your office or you could come to my house-maybe you’d like to see the home Mommy made.”

“I would.”

“Great!” she said. “I’ll make coffee.”

At nine twenty, as I was crating Blanche, my private line rang.

A welcome voice said, “I love you.”

“Love you, too. Having fun?”

“I’m coming home a day early. The lectures were good but it’s starting to feel like school. I sold that F5 replica, some dot-com guy kept upping the ante.”

Robin had spent a year acquiring the aged fiddle-grain maple and red spruce billets for the elaborately carved mandolin, had worked on tapping and shaving and shaping for another twelve months, brought the finished product to Healdsburg for display only.

“Must’ve been a nice ante?” I said.

“Twenty-one thousand.”

“Whoa. Congratulations.”

“I hated to part with it, but a girl has her price. I guess…I figure to set out early Sunday morning, be back by evening. What’s your schedule like?”

“Flexible.”

“Has the little blonde moved in on my territory, yet?”

“The little blonde eats kibble and sleeps all day.”

“The quiet ones,” she said, “they always bear watching.”

I drove to Tanya’s house, thinking back to the first time I’d met her.

Skinny little blond girl wearing a dress, anklet socks, and shiny sandals. Back pressed to the wall of my waiting area, as if the carpet was bottomless water.

When I’d stepped out of the office, Patty had touched Tanya’s cheek gently. Tanya’s nod was grave, a movement so brief it bordered on tic. Fingers as delicate as fettuccini gripped her mother’s chunky hand. A shiny foot tapped. The other was planted on the imaginary shoreline.

I bent to child’s eye level. “Nice to meet you, Tanya.”

Murmured reply. All I could make out was “you.”

Patty said, “Tanya chose her outfit. She likes to dress up, has excellent taste.”

“Very pretty, Tanya.”

Tanya mouth-breathed; I smelled hamburger and onion.

I said, “Let’s go in there. Mom can come, too, if you’d like.”

Patty said, “Or I don’t have to.” She hugged the little girl and stepped away. Tanya didn’t move.

“I’ll be right here, honey. You’ll be okay, I super-promise.”

Tanya looked up at her. Took a deep breath. Gave another grim little nod and stepped forward.

She surveyed the props on the play table. Open-sided dollhouse, family-member figurines, pencils, crayons, markers, a stack of paper. Prolonged eye contact with the paper.

“Do you like to draw?”

Nod.

“If you feel like drawing now, that’s fine.”

She picked up a pencil and drew a slow, wispy circle. Sat back, frowned. “It’s bumpy.”

“Is bumpy okay?”

Pale green eyes studied me. She put the pencil down. “I came here to break my habits.”

“Mom told you that?”

“She said if I want to, I should tell you.”

“Which habits bother you the most, Tanya?”

“Mommy told you all of them.”

“She did. But I’d like to know what you think.”

Puzzled look.

“They’re your habits,” I said. “You’re in charge over them.”

“I don’t want to be in charge.”

“You’re ready to let go of the habits.”

Mumble.

“What’s that, Tanya?”

“They’re bad.”

“Bad like scary?”

Head shake. “They make me busy.”

The pencil was an inch from where it had lain originally and she rolled it back. Adjusted the tip, then the eraser. Readjusted and tried, without success, to smooth a curling corner of paper.

“That bumpy circle,” I said, “could be the start of a person’s face.”

“Can I throw it out?”

“Sure.”

Folding and unfolding the sheet lengthwise, she ripped slowly along the crease. Repeated the process with each of the halves.

“Where, please?”

I pointed at the wastebasket. She dropped the pieces in, one by one, watched them drop, returned to the table.

“So you want to break your habits.”

Nod.

“You and Mommy agree on that.”

“Yup.”

“You and Mommy are a team.”

That seemed to puzzle her.

“You and Mommy agree most of the time.”

“We love each other.”

“Loving means agreeing.”

“Yup.”

She drew a pair of circles, one twice the diameter of the other. Squinted and hunched and added primitive features.

“Lumpy again,” she pronounced. Another trip to the trash can.

“You really don’t like lumpy,” I said.

“I like it to be good .”

Selecting a third piece of paper, she put the pencil down and traced circles with her finger. Looked up at the ceiling. Tapped the fingers of one hand, then the other.

“What kinds of things do you and Mommy do together?”

She retrieved the pencil. Twirled it. “There was a mother when I was a baby. She was too weak and Mommy wanted to take care of me…she was Mommy’s sister.”

“The other mother.”

“She was called Lydia. She died in a accident. Mommy and I get sad when we think about her.”

“Do you think about her a lot?”

Flicking the paper stack, she selected a female figurine, placed it in the house’s living room. “We also have a fish.”

“At home?”

“In the kitchen.”

“In a tank?”

“Uh-uh a bowl.”

“A goldfish?”

“Uh-uh goldfish are too dirty, the man said.”

“What man is that?”

“From the fish store. Mr. Stan Park.”

“What kind of fish did Mr. Park sell you?”

“A guppy. Real small.”

“Does the guppy have a name?”

“We thought it was a girl but it got color on the tail.”

“So it’s a boy.”

“We changed the name.”

“From a girl name to a boy name?”

“He was Charlotte, now he’s Charlie.”

“How does Charlie feel about being a boy instead of a girl?”

“He’s a fish . He doesn’t think .”

“He never thinks about anything? Like ‘I wonder when Tanya will change my water?’”

“His brain is too little for words.”

“So he just swims back and forth and doesn’t worry about anything,” I said.

Silence.

“Do you worry?”

“Fish also don’t have stomachs,” she said. “Food goes in and out so don’t feed them too much.”

“You know a lot about fish.”

“I read a book.” Tiny hands drifted to the stack of paper, squared the corners.

“I have some fish, too.”

“Guppies?”

“No, they’re called koi. Kind of like giant goldfish but all different colors.”

Skeptical stare. “Where?”

“Outside in a pond. Want to see?”

“If Mommy lets me.”

We walked out to the van. Patty looked up from her newspaper. “So soon?”

“He has giant fish, Mommy.” Tanya’s arms spread.

“Really.”

“Outside in a giant pond.”

“We’re going to feed them,” I said. “Want to come along?”

“Hmm,” said Patty. “No, I’ll just let the two of you get to know each other.”

At Beverwil and Pico, less than a mile from Tanya’s house, my service beeped in.

“It’s Flora, Doctor. Detective Sturgis called. He’ll be out for a while but you can try him in a couple of hours.”