Jonathan Kellerman - Private Eyes

Clunk.

Shouts over the network babble:

“ Leen -da! Leen-da, it’s for yew !… Lin da, the pho-one ! It’s him, Linda- yew know. C’mon, hurry, girl, it’s long distance !”

Footsteps, then a harried voice: “Let me take this in another room.”

A few moments later: “Okay- one second- I’ve got it. Hang up, Dolores!”

Hesitation. Click. Demise of the laugh-track.

Sigh.

“Hi, Alex.”

“Hi.”

“That woman. How long did she chew your ear off?”

“Let’s see,” I said. “Part of one lobe’s gone.”

She laughed without heart. “It’s amazing I’ve got any of mine left. Amazing Daddy hasn’t… So… how are you?”

“Fine. How is he?”

“Up and down. One day he looks fine; the next he can’t get out of bed. The surgeon says he definitely needs the operation but is too weak to go through it right now- too congestive, and they’re still not sure how many arteries are involved. They’re trying to stabilize him with rest and medicine, get him strong enough for more tests. I don’t know… What can you do? That’s the way things go. So… how are you? I already asked you that, didn’t I?”

“Keeping busy.”

“That’s good, Alex.”

“The koi spawned.”

“Pardon?”

“The koi- the fish in the pond- are laying eggs. First time they’ve ever done it.”

“How nice,” she said. “So now you’ll be a daddy.”

“Yup.”

“Ready for the responsibility?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “We’re talking multiple births.” If any.

She said, “Well, look at it this way. At least there’ll be no diapers to deal with.”

Both of us laughed, said “So…” at the same time, and laughed again. Synchrony. But stilted. Like bad summer-stock theater.

She said, “Been down to the school?”

“Last week. Everything seems to be going well.”

“Real well, from what I hear. I spoke to Ben a couple of days ago. He’s turned out to be a bang-up principal.”

“He’s a nice guy,” I said. “Organized, too. You made a good recommendation.”

“Yeah, he is. Very organized.” She gave another heartless chuckle. “Wonder if I’ll have a job when I get back.”

“I’m sure you will. Made any plans, yet- in terms of getting back?”

“No,” she said sharply. “How in the world can I?”

I was silent.

She said, “I didn’t mean to snap, Alex. It’s just been hell… waiting. Sometimes I think waiting’s the hardest thing in the world. Even worse than… Anyway, no sense obsessing on it. It’s all part of growing up and being a big girl and facing reality, isn’t it?”

“I’d say you’ve had more than your share of reality lately.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Good for toughening up the old hide.”

“I kind of like your hide the way it is.”

Pause. “Alex, thanks for coming out last month. The three days you spent out here were the best days I’ve had.”

“Want me to come out again?”

“I wish I could say yes, but I’d be no good to you.”

“You don’t have to be good.”

“That’s sweet of you to say but… no- it just wouldn’t work out. I need to… be with him. Make sure he gets good care.”

“I take it Dolores hasn’t become much of a nurse?”

“You take it correctly. She’s the original Helpless Hannah- a broken nail’s a major tragedy. Till now she’s been one of those lucky idiots, never had to deal with anything like this. But the sicker he gets, the more she falls apart. And when she falls apart, she talks. Lord, how she talks. I don’t know how Daddy tolerates it. Thank God I’m here to shelter him. It’s as if she’s bad weather- a wordstorm.”

I said, “I know. I got caught in the downpour.”

“Poor you.”

“I’ll survive.”

Silence. I tried to conjure her face- blond hair against my chest. The feel of our bodies… The images wouldn’t come.

“Anyway,” she said, sounding very tired.

“Is there anything I can do for you long distance?”

“Thanks, but I can’t think of anything, Alex. Just think good thoughts about me. And take care of yourself.”

“You, too, Linda.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will.”

She said, “I think I hear him coughing… Yeah, I sure do. Got to be going.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I changed into shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers, and tried to run off the phone call and the twelve hours that had preceded it. Got home just as the sun was setting, showered, and put on my ratty yellow bathrobe and rubber thongs. After dark I went back down to the garden and ran a flashlight over the surface of the water. The fish were inert; even the light didn’t arouse them.

Postcoital bliss? Some of the egg clusters seemed to have dissipated, but several remained, adhering to the pond walls.

After I’d been down there for a quarter of an hour, I heard the phone. News from San Labrador, finally. Hopefully, mother and daughter had started to talk.

I vaulted up the stairs to the landing and made it into the house in time to catch it on the fifth ring.

“Hello.”

“Alex?” Familiar voice. Familiar, though I hadn’t heard it in a long time. This time the images tumbled out like vending-machine candy.

“Hello, Robin.”

“You sound out of breath. Everything okay?”

“Fine. Just made a mad dash up from the garden.”

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No, no. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Just wanted to say hi.”

I thought her voice lacked buoyancy, but it had been a while since I’d been an expert on anything to do with her. “Hi. How’ve you been doing?”

“Just great. Working on an arch-top for Joni Mitchell. She’s going to use it on her next album.”

“Terrific.”

“Lots of hand-carving. I’m enjoying the challenge. What’ve you been up to?”

“Working.”

“That’s good, Alex.”

Same thing Linda had said. Identical inflections. The Protestant ethic, or something about me?

I said, “How’s Dennis?”

“Gone. Flew the coop.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay, Alex. It was long-brewing- no great shakes.”

“Okay.”

“I’m not trying to be a tough broad, Alex, say it didn’t affect me at all. It did. In the beginning. Even though it was mutual, there’s always that… empty space. But I’m over it. It wasn’t like- What he and I had was- I mean, it had its merits as well as its problems. But it was different… from you and me.”

“It would have to be.”

“Yes,” she said. “I don’t know if there’ll ever be anything like what we had. That’s not a manipulation, just the way I feel.”

My eyelids began to ache.

I said, “I know.”

“Alex,” she said in a pinched voice, “don’t feel pressured to respond- in any way. God, that sounds so ridiculous. I’m so afraid of going out on a limb here…”

“What is it?”

“I’m feeling really lousy tonight, Alex. I could really use a friend.”

I heard myself saying, “I’m your friend. What’s the problem?”

So much for steely resolve.

“Alex,” she said timidly. “Could it be face-to-face, not just over the phone?”

“Sure.”

She said, “My place or yours?” then laughed too loudly.

I said, “I’ll come to you.”

I drove to Venice as if in a dream. Parked in back of the storefront on Pacific, impervious to the graffiti and the trash smells, the shadows and sounds that filled the alley.

By the time I reached the front door she had it open. Dim lights touched upon the hulls of heavy machinery. Wood-sweetness and lacquer-bite floated forth from the workshop, mixing with her perfume- one I’d never smelled before. It made me feel jealous and antsy and thrilled.