Faye Kellerman - Prayers for the Dead

“You mean woman. As far as I know, Dana was the only girl Bram ever dated.”

“What happened between them?”

Paul’s eyes twitched. “A long story…it’s all past. They were kids…not even seventeen.”

“Your mother mentioned something about Dana seducing Bram. What happened? Did he get her pregnant?”

Paul didn’t answer right away. Then he said, “Not exactly. Luke got her pregnant. While she was Bram’s girl.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, it was…” Paul scratched his head. “Bram took the fall, told our parents it was his. He covered, not for Dana’s sake and certainly not for Luke’s, but for his own ego. He didn’t want to look like a dupe.”

“How’d he find out it wasn’t his kid?”

Paul laughed, but it held sadness. “Only one way for a guy to know proof positive that the kid isn’t his.”

“He never had sex with her.”

Paul said, “After Dana got knocked up by Luke, she tried to seduce Bram…to nail the kid as his. You’ve met my brother. Things that work on normal guys don’t work on him. Anyway, he figured it out pretty quickly. Dana had suddenly turned from a shy, religious thing to this raving maniac who just had to do it. The more she pushed, the more he knew something was off. He pressed her and she broke down. Since she absolutely refused to admit who the father was, Bram figured it was one of us. Meaning, he thought it was me.”

“He confronted you?”

“No. Bram took it like a martyr. He really does belong on the cross.”

“Did he display anger toward you?”

“Not openly.”

“So how did he find out it was Luke?”

“Must have been my guiltless attitude. Both Luke and I treated him gently during that time. Because my parents absolutely…battered him. Mostly Dad. Bram had been his golden boy until then. The son that could do no wrong. But man, did Dad change. One mistake and Doctor came that close to kicking him out of the house.” Paul pinched off a millimeter of space between his extended thumb and forefinger. “If Bram would have given him an ounce of lip, I’m sure he would have.”

“Bram suffered in silence?”

“Yes. Then one evening at dinner…God, Dad was really slamming him. How he ruined his life and dishonored himself, and his family, and had spit at God. And he was going to go to hell and all this…this shit, frankly. I couldn’t take it. I told Bram, ‘How can you let him talk to you like that? Say something!’ Of course, I was ordered to leave the table at once.”

“Did you?”

“No. Instead, I got into a screaming match with my father who proceeded to ground me for three months. Actually, it was six months, later reduced to three. I had no car privileges, no allowance, wasn’t allowed to go on any dates or to any parties…even church activities. Except chapel of course. I was ordered to go to chapel every evening and ask God’s forgiveness for disobeying my father.”

“Pretty severe.”

“Extremely. In all fairness to my parents, they were very upset. Normally, they weren’t that rough on us.”

“Pretty nice of you to risk your freedom for your brother.”

“If I had known the consequences, I would have kept my mouth shut.” He shook his head. “I finally stalked off to our room, Bram came in a minute later, thanked me for coming to his defense. Must have been something sincere in my voice, something that told him I hadn’t been the one. Because as soon as Luke walked in the room, Bram hauled off and decked him.”

Paul laughed.

“I was stunned! I’d never seen Bram so enraged, much less physical. Then it all came out, though my parents never knew. I couldn’t believe it. Luke had always been a wiseass, spent half of high school stoned on weed. But deflowering your twin brother’s girlfriend…that went beyond the pale.”

“Indeed.”

“Anyway, the whole thing became moot. Three weeks before Dana and Bram were due to marry, Dana went into premature labor, gave birth to a stillborn boy. It was very sad actually. Bram was decent, visited Dana in the hospital. But man, was he relieved! We all were. After Dana recovered, Bram stayed away from her, from girls in general.” Paul grinned. “Big surprise that Bram became a priest.”

Decker said, “And Dana married Luke.”

“Irony of ironies. They remet at our fifth high school reunion. Bram didn’t show, but Luke and I did. Luke and Dana started talking. I guess they hit it off. They were married a few years later.”

“It didn’t bother Bram?”

“You mean did he still feel something for Dana?” Paul laughed. “The poor guy has been trying to get her off his ass for years.”

“How’d he feel toward Luke?”

“He was icy to him for a long, long time. He didn’t stand up at Luke’s wedding.”

Casually, Decker asked, “What about Bram’s relationship with your father?”

“From what I could see, Bram remained respectful…obedient…up to a point.”

“Meaning?”

“Bram wears a cross around his neck, not a stethoscope.”

“You father wanted Bram to be a doctor?”

“Not wanted-expected.”

“Did it create tension between the two?”

“That Bram became a priest instead of a physician?”

“Yes.”

Paul thought about the question. “I think Dad knew he’d lost Bram after the Dana affair. Certainly he knew Bram was a goner after he became Catholic.”

“How’d that happen?”

“The summer after the Dana thing, Dad sent him to Africa to cleanse his soul with missionary work. Talk about poetic justice…” Paul laughed. “The nuns got hold of him. He came back, it was all over. Nothing could dissuade him. His rebellion at the shit my dad shoveled at him.”

He thought a moment.

“Actually, that’s probably oversimplification. Bram took to Catholicism…the rituals…customs. The formality and beauty that’s absent from my church. And the intellectuality. He loves poring over dusty tomes. Archaic stuff that would bore most people to death.”

“How’d your mother react to Bram’s conversion?”

“She wasn’t happy. Personally, I think she was real pissed at my dad, though she never expressed it out loud. But you could tell by her coldness. She used to mention to him that one teaches not by harshness but by love, just as Jesus did. You notice that Michael is in medical school. Nothing to rebel against. Because after the whole Dana mess, Dad pretty much butted out of our lives. He was still…Dad. But he kept a lower profile…left family things up to Mom.”

“Did Bram ever forgive Luke?”

“About a year after Bram became ordained, a real peace came over him. He not only forgave Luke, he’s been looking after him for the last six years. It took Luke a long time to get his act in gear. His kids helped. Luke’s a great father, I’ll say that much for him.”

He paused.

“I think I’m a great father, too. Funny, because neither one of us got any role modeling. Dad was never home when we grew up. Bram took over Dad’s role with my younger siblings. But Luke and I were left to our own devices.”

He laughed bitterly.

“We’re also the most screwed-up of the bunch.”

Paul blinked hard.

“I’ve tried very hard to be an involved father. Maybe I’m overinvolved. Because not a day goes by that I don’t think about Angela and the kids. Everything I do, I do for them. Sometimes I think I’d be better off if I were more like my old man-distant, imposing, the boss. ’Cause my kids sure give me crap. But then there are moments. Like when my eight-year-old hit a game-winning three-run homer at Little League. He came running up to me afterward, hugged me in front of his friends, told me he loved me. I guess I did something right.”