James Patterson - The Jester

“Be still.” The duke put up his hand. “You will have your chance. You make a grave charge, fool. Yet I am informed the Crusade continues, that the armies of Raymond and Bohemond are now in sight of the Holy City. Yet you , somehow, are here. Tell me, how was your service there discharged so soon?”

I was about to stammer back a reply, but to this charge I had none. I dropped my head.

A convicting silence filled the room.

[164] Baldwin curled a smile. “You claim injury, fool, yet it seems it is your offenses that begin to add up. To the crimes of adultery and fraud, I must add desertion.”

A rising anger swelled in my chest. I lunged, in my bonds, toward Norcross, but before I had gone a step, the duke’s men kicked me to the floor.

“The fool wants at you, Norcross,” Baldwin said.

“And I him , my lord.”

“And you shall have him. But it belittles you, knight, to take him in contest. I think I have let you suffer ill from this squirrel once too often. Take him away.” He waved. “At noon tomorrow you may chop off his head.”

“You honor me.” The knight bowed.

Baldwin shook his head sadly. “Fool, innkeeper, spy… whatever I should call you, it is a great shame. We will have to deal with Palimpost once more. For your stay here, you certainly provided a good laugh.” He stood, wrapped his cloak around himself, and prepared to leave. Then Baldwin turned. “And Norcross…”

“Yes, my liege?”

“No need to waste a sharp blade on the fool’s neck.”

I WAS HURLED down the stairs to the dungeon, my knees and ribs scraping against the hard rock floor.

My nostrils were forced to suck in that same repulsive stench from the night before.

I heard laughter and the clang of a heavy door as two burly guards grabbed my arms and tossed me into an open cell.

When my eyes cleared, I saw Armand, the jailer, with a mocking grin. “Back so soon, jester? You must have liked the accommodations after all.”

I was about to tell him to go to Hell, but he kicked me in the stomach and the air rushed out of my lungs. “This time I’m afraid we’ll be supplying the stew.”

The guards laughed. Armand, with the strength of a beast, yanked me up to a sitting position. He knelt next to me and shook his head. “Always the scum they bring me. Never a noble accused of a fancy crime. Just the whores and the motherfuckers, church thieves, beggars, a few Jews… But a jester… That’s a new one.”

Armand’s partner came in, lugging an armful of heavy chains. “So we must bind you, jester. And for such a short stay… But the duke has paid for the deluxe room, so chains it is.”

Armand held me up, pinning my hands behind my back. [166] “You’re a lucky fool. The blade’s painless. Just a little pinprick… here .” He pinched my neck. “If you stayed here a while, I could show you some real fun. Ball crackers, nostril rippers, eye screws… red-hot pokers, right up the old ass. Sure cleans out the sinuses.”

He nodded toward his partner, who slowly wound the first ring of chain around my chest.

My mind flashed to attention. “Please.” I put up a hand to distract them. “Wait a minute.” I took a deep breath, quietly sucking in a chest full of air.

“I know.” Armand sighed. “It’s a little confining at first. But when you get used to them, you’ll be sleeping like a log.”

I put my hand up for another moment, then I flashed him a smile of thanks. I took in three more deep breaths, forcing as much air as I could into my lungs. I felt my whole chest expand.

“Ready?” The jailer arched his eyebrows.

I nodded. “Ready.”

INSIDE THE TINY CELL, I twisted and squirmed on my back, and I ground my arms against the tight chains.

I had no idea what time it was, how long I had been here. I only knew that if I was still here when they came tomorrow, I was a dead man.

I let out all my breath. And the slightest space opened to move my arms.

Hours passed. A finger’s breadth of freedom came. Then another. I felt the chains loosen some, but not enough.

I narrowed my shoulders and tucked my chin inside the chain. For the first time in hours, I took a breath with ease. I snaked an arm through the bonds. Then the other, and a loop of chain went over my head.

Then I heard the echo of voices coming down the stairs. Someone delivering dinner. Time for soup. The guards were taking their meal, laughing as they ate.

Other prisoners were grumbling, calling out. Then footsteps… a last meal arriving for me.

“So,” a familiar voice said with a sigh, “it seems I am back in business.”

I raised my eyes. It was Palimpost , the deposed jester, standing in front of my cell. He carried my staff.

[168] “Come to gloat,” I muttered, swallowing the bitterest taste of defeat.

“Not at all.” He dangled a set of keys. “In truth, I have come to set you free.”

I widened my eyes in surprise. I was sure this had to be some kind of cruel joke. Payback … I waited for the guards to come and laugh. But they did not.

“Bette and I have drugged the guards with the soup. Quick now, let’s get you out of here.”

“ Bette … and you … ! I could not believe what he was saying. This was the man I had had sacked. Now he was dangling my freedom before my eyes. “Is this real?”

“It is real, if you can get up off your ass.” He inserted a key into the lock and turned it, the door creaking open.

I still could not believe it. But it did not matter. Even if this was just a cruel joke, even if Norcross hid a few feet away, set to cut me in two, I was dead tomorrow anyway.

“Somehow we have to get you out of those chains.” Palimpost exhaled.

“Not a problem,” I said. I wiggled my shoulders and arms, and before his eyes, slithered through the top links. Then, I began to unwrap the chains until they fell to my ankles. I kicked them free.

The jester looked astonished. “Damn, you are good,” he exclaimed. “ Quick … come.”

I held him back. “ Why … why are you doing this for me?”

“Professional courtesy.” The jester shrugged.

“Please, do not joke.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Tell me why…”

He looked at me with pained eyes. “You saved the loved ones of a friend of mine. You think you are the only one who would risk everything for love?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “You… and Bette ?”

“What’s so hard to believe, man? Besides, it would have been a shame to waste you. You really weren’t half bad.”

[169] He handed me my pouch of belongings, my staff, and a dark-colored cloak. I removed the knife from my pouch and put it in my belt, under my tunic. Then I donned the cloak and headed for the stairs.

“Not that way,” Palimpost cautioned, taking my arm. “Follow me.”

He led me deeper into the dungeon. The jagged cavern widened, then narrowed again into an opening no bigger than a small cave. At a spot he knew, Palimpost knelt and pulled a stone from the wall near the floor. A passageway appeared.

“There’s a fork halfway through. When you reach it, head left. It empties into the moat. Head toward the forest. In the darkness you’ll be safe. Go right , and you’ll end up back at the castle. Remember-left.”

I crouched down to the passage. “You are a good man. I am sorry that I caused you any harm.”

“Oh, what’s a little risk of one’s life when there’s love in the air?” He grinned. “Tell Norbert he should not sleep easy. Next time, it will be I who presses the attack.”