William Lashner: Fatal Flaw

As I drove off, the cameras and their lights were staring at us through the car windows like alien eyes.

The rain had tapered off somewhat, now it was only spitting on the windshield as we drove through the glum night. Guy tried to tell me in the car what had happened and I wouldn’t let him. I wouldn’t let him. His face was green from the dashboard light as we drove past the dark, rotting porches of West Philly. I suggested he lie back in the passenger seat and close his eyes. I didn’t want him to talk about it just then. The time would come that night, but not just then. I checked the rearview mirror to make sure no reporters were following and spotted nothing.

The street outside my building was dark and wet. I helped him up the stairs to my apartment and sat him on the couch. I turned the lights out except for the lamp by his head, which bathed his trembling body in a narrow cone of light. I gave him a beer. He tried again to tell me what had happened but I shushed him quiet.

I let him sit alone on the couch while I changed the sheets of my bed, the pillowcases, laid out a fresh towel for him, a new toothbrush still in its wrapping, an old pair of flannel pajamas in case he wanted to be cozy. Atop my bureau I placed the gym bag with his change of clothes.

On the table, by my bed, lay a book I had just started rereading, a potboiler to take my mind off the trials of my day. I had bought it for a buck from a street vendor. The story started with a murder, it ended with a confession, there was a cunning investigator, a lecherous old cardsharp, a prostitute with a heart of gold. I stared at the volume, the blue binding and lurid gold letters of the title. Crime and Punishment. The words seemed just then like a moral compulsion. I considered for a moment putting it away so as not to trouble my guest and then thought better of it, placing a bookmark in the final page before the epilogue and setting the book beside the reading lamp next to the bed. Before I left the room I switched on the lamp.

With the bedroom taken care of, I stood in the shadows and watched Guy as he finished his beer. I went to the fridge and got him another. I pulled a chair close to the couch, but not close enough to be within the cone of light, and sat down. Once more he tried to speak, and once more I wouldn’t let him. The silence acted as a comforter, blanketing us both in calm. My raincoat, still wet, pocket bulging, was draped over the back of a chair. I glanced at it every so often and then looked back at my friend, my friend, as he slumped on the couch.

I cared for him as best I could and I waited until he couldn’t help himself and when he started again to say something, this time I let him.

“What am I going to do?”

I didn’t answer. He had a sharp voice, the words seemed to gallop out of his mouth with a certainty that turned every question rhetorical. Guy had never been one for self-doubt and it was hard for him to play the role of the confused and humbled man, even if that was exactly what he had become.

“I loved her so much,” he said. “She was everything to me. What am I going to do?” The words, which could have been full of pathos coming out of another man, were now like the words of a business executive analyzing a deal that had gone south and asking his lawyer for advice.

“I don’t know.”

“Why? Tell me why? Why? I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand, Guy?” I said, leaning forward. “She’s dead. She’s been murdered. And you’re the one who killed her.”

He looked up at me, a puzzled horror creasing his face. “I didn’t. I couldn’t. You’re wrong. What are you thinking? Victor, no. I didn’t.”

“That’s how it looks.”

“I don’t care how it looks. I didn’t do it. You need to make them believe it. She’s gone, my life is ruined, and I didn’t do it. How can I make it right?”

“See a priest.”

“I need a lawyer. You’ll be my lawyer. That’s what you do, isn’t it? Make terrible things right again.”

He stared at me for a long moment, his face straining for an expression of pained sincerity, which might have worked except for the raw fear leaking out his eyes.

I leaned back. “Not me. You need someone else. I’ll recommend somebody good. Goldberg, maybe, or Howard. He’s at Talbott, Kittredge, so he’s expensive, but whoever you get, it’s going to cost. A case like this will absolutely go to trial, and a trial is going to cost.”

“I don’t care. What’s money? Money’s not a problem.”

“No?” I said, surprised and interested at the same time. Guy had left his wife and left his job and in so doing seemed to have left all his money behind.

“No. Not at all.” He shook his head and a shiver ran through him. “What happened? I don’t understand. Who did this to me?”

“To you?”

“Who did this?”

“You tell me.”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me what you do know.”

“I got home from work late. Hailey was in bed already, asleep. I greeted her, tried to kiss her. She wouldn’t get up. Instead she murmured something back and pulled the comforter over her, and that was it, the last we spoke. I filled the Jacuzzi, climbed in, put on the headphones, jacked the Walkman loud, turned the timer to start the jets, lay back in the tub.”

“What about the reefer?”

“It was already out, so I rolled myself a joint. We used to smoke some, together. Everything was like we were kids again. I might have fallen asleep in the tub, I don’t know. The music was loud, the Jacuzzi also, and I don’t know if I heard anything, but I did startle awake for some reason. Maybe just something in the music. I took off the headphones, turned off the whirlpool, called out for Hailey. Nothing. I put in some more hot water, lay back, listened to the rest of the disc. When it was over, I got out, dried off, brushed my teeth. That’s when I found her.”

I tried not to react too strongly, tried to keep it simple, conversational. “What were you listening to?”

“A Louis Armstrong thing.”

“What happened when you saw her?”

“I panicked, I went crazy. I looked around, and there, on the floor, I found the gun.”

“Had you ever seen the gun before?”

“Yes. Of course. It’s mine.”

“Yours? Guy, what the hell were you doing with a gun?”

“You think it was easy what I did, leaving everything for Hailey? You think it just went smoothly? My wife went nuts, and her father. Her father, Jesus, he’s a scary bastard, a heart of stone. There were threats, Victor, some shady private eye giving me the number. You’ll never know what I went through for love, never. I was scared. I had a gun before, when I was out west, and knew how to use it. So I bought one, kept in the closet downstairs. Never touched it, never even took it to a shooting range to bone up. But when I found her dead, there it was, on the floor. I picked it up. It stank of gunpowder. I thought the guy who used it might still be in the house. I went downstairs looking for him. Nothing. I threw open the door. Nothing. I ran back upstairs and saw her there, still, and I fell apart. When I was able to crawl, I crawled to the side table, picked up the phone, and called you.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know. It was the first thing I thought about. Hailey had mentioned something.”

“Hailey?” I fought to keep the startle out of my voice.

“A couple days ago she had asked me a strange question. Who I would call if I was in serious trouble. I said I didn’t know, hadn’t really thought about it. She asked about you and I told her, yeah, Victor would be a good one to call. Aren’t all your clients in trouble when they call?”

“That’s right.”

“So I had it in my mind to get you.”