Faye Kellerman: Sacred and Profane

He realized he had been silent for an awfully long time.

“Uh, thanks for the offer, but I’ve got to run.”

“What the hell were you thinking about?” Hennon asked. “I’ve had pauses to size me up in bed before, but yours lasted so long you must have been up to the house and kids by now.”

Decker broke into laughter.

“There’s someone else…sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Well, we’ve got a few differences to work out, but so do all relationships.”

“Then what are your plans for the evening?” she asked.

“Nothing really. I think I’ll go home and pray.”

“Pray? I didn’t figure you for a religious man.”

And Babs hadn’t figured him for a cop. It was a good time for an undercover assignment.

“Well, I don’t really know if you’d call me religious.”

“What religion are you?” she asked.

“I’m not quite sure. I’m Jewish…sort of.”

“Sort of?” She licked her lips and pursed them slightly. He felt a stirring below. Suddenly the months of celibacy seemed like years. Man, he was horny.

“Thanks again,” he said as he moved toward the door.

“Have you always had trouble with commitments, Pete?” she asked.

“Sort of.”

Back home, after working out and grooming the horse, he grabbed a bottle of Dos Equis and picked up the phone. He stood with his hip against the kitchen wall, receiver tucked under his chin, and gulped beer while listening to the ringing on the other end. His ex-wife answered.

Damn!

“Hi, Jan,” Decker said. “Is Cindy around?”

“She’s doing her homework.”

“During Christmas vacation?”

“Well, she’s working on something important.”

“Can I talk to her, please?”

“You know how she doesn’t like to be interrupted when she’s concentrating-”

“I won’t keep her long.”

“It’s late, Pete. It’s after ten.”

“It’s only a quarter to.”

“Well, you still should have called earlier.”

“I did, Jan. No one was home.”

“I was home. When did you call?”

Shit!

“I guess it was around four. Can you put Cindy on, please?”

“Four?” There was a silence. “What was I doing at four? Allen was home at four.”

“Maybe it was a little earlier.”

“Allen’s been home since three.”

“Well, no one answered the fucking phone, Jan.”

There was a pause.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you, Pete?” she said.

He took a deep breath.

“Can I talk to my daughter, please?”

“Hold on. I’ll see how involved she is.”

He heard her shriek Cindy’s name. It was one of her most annoying habits. She’d never enter a room to tell you something. She’d scream the message from wherever she was. Decker heard the extension being picked up.

“Hi, Dad,” Cindy said.

“Did your mother hang up?” Decker asked.

The question was immediately followed by the sound of a slamming receiver. Cindy laughed.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“I just called to say hi.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You sound upset. Did you have a fight with Rina?”

“No.”

“What is it, Dad? Did you haul in another sixteen-year-old runaway who reminded you of me?”

“For your information, Cynthia, I happen to be working on a very clean case.”

“What kind of case would that be?”

“Some bones that were found in the mountains. We’re trying to identify them.”

“Don’t tell me. They’re the bones of a sixteen-year-old girl.”

He paused.

“You know me too well,” he conceded.

“I’m alive, Dad. I’m alive and healthy. Here, listen real close.”

He heard muffled sounds over the line.

“You know what that was, Daddy?” she went on. “That was my heart beating.”

“It’s good to hear.”

“I’ve got a really strong heart by now because I jog every day. And you know what else, Daddy? I’m not in any trouble. I’m not on drugs like the runaways you pick up. And I’m doing well in school. And I’m not pregnant. You have nothing to worry about. So why don’t you take care of yourself instead of worrying about me?”

“I’m not worried about you, I just like to-”

“Bull, Daddy. No disrespect meant, but bull. Every time you get a case with a girl my age, you get that tightness in your voice. How are you going to cope when I go away to college?”

“I’ll call you long distance.”

“After you get my tuition bills, you won’t be able to afford it.”

Decker laughed.

“Seriously, Daddy, I think I have a very good chance at getting a National Merit Scholarship. I think I did very well on the test.”

“Great!”

“I mean I’d like to help you and Mom out as much as possible, but going East is just so expensive.”

“Listen, honey, we told you not to worry about it. Just get the grades, and your mom and I will work out the rest.”

She paused.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” she announced.

“Uh oh.”

“Well, uh…”

“What?”

“Uh, you know that Eric is back east at Columbia and, uh…”

“Go on, Cindy. I’m not going to faint.”

“Well, maybe it might be a bit more frugal if we kind of…”

“You two want to live together?”

“That was sort of the idea.”

Sort of, he thought.

“Did you tell Mom?”

“God, no! At least, not yet. You know Mom. I love her dearly, but she hasn’t come to grips with the fact that my age is in double digits. I thought maybe you could kind of break the idea to her…”

Silence.

“Dad, are you there?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you know how much safer I’d be living with a boy.”

“Uh huh.”

“And with splitting the expenses, it would be so much cheaper.”

“Uh huh.”

“So maybe you’ll talk to Mom?”

“Uh uh. If you’re old enough to make your own living arrangements, you’re old enough to face your mother. But I’ll support you, although knowing your mother, my support will work against you. If anyone asks my opinion, I’ll back you up.”

“I guess that’s fair…Are you angry, Daddy?”

“No…Not really.”

“You’re worried.”

“You know me. It takes me a while to adjust to something new. Don’t concern yourself about me. Just take care of yourself, huh?”

“I will. You do like Eric, don’t you?”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid.”

“It’s hard to find good boys these days, Daddy.”

“Well, he must be special if he hooked you. Go back to your work.”

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, honey.”

“Bye.”

She hung up. He stared at the receiver and shook his head in confusion.

Decker sat upright in his solitary bed. It was an extra-long California king with an extra-firm mattress-good for holding a lot of bulk. But lately the only bulk it’d been holding was his own.

Four fucking months.

What the hell was he doing, surrounding himself with foreign words, strange symbols, and mystic concepts which were supposed to bring him closer to God. In his own way, Decker had always felt close to God. They’d reached an understanding based on mutual tolerance: God was tolerant of Decker’s human foibles; Decker was tolerant of floods and earthquakes. Why was he doing this?

Rina, he thought. Was he just doing it to please her? At first, he didn’t think so. He was very curious about Judaism. He wanted something more spiritual, something antithetical to his work. But now he wasn’t so sure that Orthodoxy was the answer.

He looked down at the primer in front of him.

Shalom, yeladim, the first line said.