William Lashner - Falls The Shadow

“I know,” she said. “I know. It’s like this hole in my heart has been filled. Thank you so much, Mr. Carl. Thank you for caring about Daniel. Thank you for finding Dr. Pfeffer. He must be like a saint.”

“Just like,” I said.

“I am so relieved. He’s going to be fine, my little Daniel. Perfect again. Something worked out after all. That’s why I’m crying. That’s why.”

“Okay.”

“It gives me hope, you know?”

“That’s nice to hear. I’m really glad. But, Julia. There is something I have to ask you.”

“Anything, Mr. Carl.”

“I want to show you something.”

I took out a piece of paper, a signed document with an official stamp at the end and handed it to her. She looked at it, turned it over to see if there was anything on the flip side, turned it back, started to read it.

“What’s this?”

“It’s an order, Julia, from the judge. It appoints me to be the lawyer not just for Daniel but also for Daniel’s sister, Tanya.”

A stillness descended after I said the name, as if a barrier had been broken and there was nothing but silence on the other side. I didn’t know what would happen then, whether I’d lose her right there, lose her for good. I didn’t know if she’d refuse to say a word and then take Daniel, with his newly fixed teeth, and disappear. I didn’t know, and Tanya’s fate seemed to tremble in the balance.

“Tanya is Daniel’s half sister,” Julia said after a long pause.

It was a start. And I don’t think she would have answered me the day before. She would have run. But she said that Daniel’s getting his teeth fixed had given her hope, and maybe that slight glimmer of hope was what prompted her to answer. Because maybe, along with the hope born out of the new possibilities for Daniel’s teeth, she suddenly found some hope for the missing girl, too.

“How old is she?” I said.

“She’ll be seven next month.”

“I need to see her, to meet with her. She’s my client now. So, Julia, I need to know. Where is Tanya?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

“Now you’re going to lecture me.”

“No lectures, okay. I promise.”

“I’ve tried to be a good mother. I tried so hard. I just did what I thought was best for both my children.”

“Julia, try to answer my question. What happened to Tanya?”

“I gave her away.”

“To whom?”

“A lady in my old neighborhood. A fortune-teller name of Anna.”

“Why did you give Tanya to her?”

“She said she could take care of her. She said she knew a place for her.”

“No, Julia. Why did you give Tanya away?”

“Because Randy told me to. He didn’t really like her much, and he said it would be better for all of us, Daniel especially, if she was with some other family.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He didn’t like having a little black girl following us around. She had a different father than Daniel, and he didn’t like having to explain to his friends why she was with us. He’s trying to move us to a better part of the city, but he said she wouldn’t like it over there.”

“Is that what he said?”

“What’s wrong?”

“You need to tell me where this Anna lives.”

“I don’t know exactly.”

“Tell me what you know,” I said.

After she gave me a vague description of where Anna might be, she said, “What are you going to do, Mr. Carl?”

“I’m going to find her. I’m going to make sure she’s okay.”

“And maybe you’ll help her like you’re helping Daniel?”

“Sure.”

“Randy said it would be better for both of them. Randy said it was the right thing to do.”

“Okay, Julia. Thank you for your help.”

“Stop looking at me like that, Mr. Carl. I’m doing the best I can.”

“I know you are.”

Just then the soundproof door opened and Daniel came out, his eyes red, his fists balled, followed by a smiling Dr. Bob in his green scrubs, his mask down around his neck. Daniel looked around, panicky for a moment, then saw us and ran over to his mother, jumping on her lap, burying his face in her neck.

“It’s all right, baby,” she said, patting his back. “It’s okay, sweetie. Mommy’s here.”

Daniel pushed himself away from her. His face was trembling, as if he were about to break into tearful howling, but that’s not what he did.

What he did was smile. And the caps on his teeth glistened in the bright fluorescent light.

Dr. Bob was still at the reception counter after Julia and Daniel left the office. He had given Julia printed instructions on caring for the caps, arranged a follow-up appointment, and sent them on their way. Now he was annotating the file.

“Daniel’s teeth look great,” I said to him.

“I got to him in the nick of time. A little more damage and there would have been nothing I could have done to save some of them.”

“He seemed pretty happy. He actually smiled. Thank you.”

“It’s good to do good, isn’t it, Victor?”

“I suppose,” I said, and then I turned to face the door where Julia and Daniel had just left. “Although sometimes it feels like hell.”

“The best things in life are never easy,” he said as he gave the file to the receptionist. “You’re going out with Carol again tonight, aren’t you?”

“Yes, actually,” I said.

Bob winked. “Have fun,” he said.

I am in the middle of sex with Carol Kingsly. Umm, yes, right smack in the middle. I didn’t realize that business was such an aphrodisiac, but when Carol saw me seal the deal with Takahashi, she decided it was time to seal the deal herself. And is it good? you ask. Well, tell me, is it ever really bad? Let’s just say it ain’t no root canal, baby. But this is something I’ve never before experienced. This, this is an out-of-body experience.

So I am out of my body, sitting in a chair in the corner of Carol Kingsly’s Laura Ashley bedroom, watching myself and Carol Kingsly do our thing on her Laura Ashley sheets. It looks a little silly from over here, a lot like two awkward swimmers working on their butterfly strokes in a sea of tiny pastel flowers. And the sounds we’re making. Really now, kids, get a grip.

But I’ll say this for her, my God, she is good-looking. Her pretty face, her silken hair, her body, which, I must tell you, is miraculous, as lean and lithe as the latest diet craze can make it, honed and toned by hours in the gym, as flexible as a soft pretzel through her yoga, yet still abundant where raw abundance is most appreciated. And it’s the real thing, let me tell you, yes, yes it is, or at least I think it is. And truthfully, between you and me – nudge, nudge – who the hell cares?

I am the dog, aren’t I? What hot-blooded heterosexual man or homosexual woman would not want to trade places with me right now? Not a one, that’s who. And look at that move I just put on. The referee is awarding me two points for a reversal. I’m the man, I’m the king, step aside, Elvis. Quite the dog. So tell me, what the hell am I doing watching from the chair as the main event plays out on the bed?

“Put your hand there,” she says in a soft purr. “Move your leg there. Yes, a little more. Ummm, good. Now move your elbow.”

Are we having sex here, or are we playing Twister?

Look at me up there, perched atop her, working hard to follow her instructions. Her expression is suffused with the sensual pleasures of the flesh, mine is diffused with the burdens of a piano mover. And frankly, I have to admit that from this vantage I look a bit ridiculous. My skin is pale, my muscles flaccid. And is that my butt or two skinny white Chihuahuas wrestling over a bone? But the pièce de résistance of my ridiculousness, the thing that truly embarrasses me about the whole mise-en-scène, is that I’m wearing the tie.