Robin Cook - Crisis

Craig fell silent after his outburst. Both Alexis and Jack were dumbfounded and momentarily speechless. The waiter came over and bused away the dirty dishes. Alexis and Jack glanced briefly at each other and went back to staring wide-eyed at Craig.

"Somebody say something!" Craig demanded.

Alexis spread her hands palms up and shook her head. "I don't quite know what to say. I don't know whether to respond emotionally or professionally."

"Try professionally. I think I need the reality check. I'm in free fall here. And you know why? I'll tell you why. When I went to college and worked my balls off, I thought it sucked but that once I got into medical school, I'd be home free. Well, medical school sucked, too, so I looked forward to residency. You're probably getting the picture. Well, residency was no picnic, yet around the corner was opening my practice. That's when reality really set in, thanks to insurance companies and managed care and all the bullshit that has to be endured."

Jack looked at Alexis. He could tell she was struggling with what to say to these sudden revelations, but he was hoping she'd come up with something, since he was incapable. He was shocked by Craig's monologue. Psychology was not his forte by any stretch of the imagination. There'd been a time when it was all he could do to hold himself together.

"Your insight is dramatic," Alexis began.

"Don't give me any patronizing bullshit," Craig snapped.

"Believe me, I'm not," Alexis said. "I'm impressed. Truly! What you are trying to communicate is that your romantic nature has been constantly suffering disillusionment as reality has failed to meet your idealized expectations. Every time you get to a goal, it was not what you thought it would be. That's tragic."

Craig rolled his eyes. "That sounds like bullshit to me."

"It's not," Alexis insisted. "Think about it."

Craig pressed his lips together and knitted his brows for a long moment. "Okay," he said finally. "It does make sense. Yet it seems like a damn convoluted way of saying, 'Things just haven't quite worked out'. But then again, I've never been up on psychologyspeak."

"You have been struggling with some conflicts," Alexis continued. "It's not been easy for you."

"Oh, really," Craig said with a touch of superciliousness.

"Now, don't get defensive," Alexis urged. "You specifically asked for my professional response."

"You're right! Sorry! Let me hear the conflicts."

"The easiest one is your conflict between clinical medicine and research medicine. That has caused you some anxiety in the past because of your need to apply yourself one hundred percent in any pursuit, but in this case, you've been able to strike a balance. A more problematic conflict is between devoting yourself to your practice or devoting yourself to your family. This has caused a lot of anxiety."

Craig stared back at Alexis but remained silent.

"For obvious reasons, I cannot be objective," Alexis continued. "What I'd like to do is encourage you to explore these insights of yours with a professional individual."

"I don't like to ask for help," Craig said.

"I know, but even that attitude says something that might be valuable for you to explore." Alexis turned to Jack. "Do you want to add anything?"

Jack raised his hands. "Nope. This is an arena I'm not good at." Actually, what he was thinking was that he'd been struggling with his own conflicts – namely, whether to start a new family with Laurie, as he was scheduled to do come Friday. For many years he'd said no, he didn't deserve to be happy, and that another family would demean his first. But then as the years had gone by, it had changed to a fear of putting Laurie at risk. Jack had struggled with the admittedly irrational fear that his loving someone put them in jeopardy.

The conversation took a lighter turn, and Jack seized the moment to excuse himself to use his phone. Walking out onto the bricked esplanade, he dialed the OCME. He had meant to leave a message with Calvin's secretary. His hope was that Calvin would be out of the office at lunch. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. It was the secretary who was out to lunch. Calvin answered the phone.

"When the hell are you getting yourself back here?" Calvin demanded when he heard Jack's voice.

"It's looking bad," Jack said. He then had to hold the phone away from his ear while Calvin cursed and carried on about Jack's irresponsibility. After Jack heard, "What the hell are you doing, anyway?" he put the phone back to his ear and explained the proposed autopsy. He told Calvin about being introduced to the Boston chief medical examiner, Dr. Kevin Carson.

"Really! How is that old southern boy?" Calvin questioned.

"Seemed fine to me. He was in the middle of a case when I met him, so we chatted only briefly."

"Did he ask for me?"

"Oh, yeah!" Jack lied. "He said to say hello."

"Well, tell him hello from me if you see him again. And then get back here. I don't have to tell you that you've got Laurie all up in arms with the big day just around the corner. You're not going to try to rush down here at the last minute, are you?"

"Of course not," Jack said. He knew that Calvin was one of the people from the office she'd insisted on inviting. If it had been up to him, he wouldn't have invited anyone other than Chet, his office mate. The office already knew too much about their private life.

After finding Craig and Alexis, whom Jack joined for a short stroll in the sunshine, they returned to the courthouse. When they arrived outside the courtroom, other people were just filing in. It was quarter after one. They followed suit.

Craig went through the bar with Randolph and his assistant. Jordan Stanhope was already at the plaintiff's table with Tony Fasano and Renee Relf. Jack guessed that Tony was giving Jordan last-minute advice before his testimony. Although the sound of his voice was lost in the general babble of the room, his lips were moving rapidly, and he was gesticulating with both hands.

"I have a nagging suspicion this is going to be pure theater this afternoon," Jack said as they worked their way into the same row they'd occupied that morning. Alexis had said she liked to be near the jurors to watch their expressions and gestures. At that moment, the jurors had yet to be brought in.

"I'm afraid you are right," Alexis said, taking her seat and putting her bag down on the floor in front of her.

Jack sat down and adjusted himself as best he could on the unforgiving oak. His eyes wandered aimlessly around the courtroom, taking in the bookcase filled with law books behind the judge's bench. Within the well was a blackboard on wheels in addition to the plaintiff's and defendant's tables, all of which stood on a speckled carpet. When Jack's eyes moved all the way to the right to take in the court officer's box, they overshot their mark. Once again he found himself confronting Franco's beady-eyed stare. In contrast with the morning, and thanks to the sun's current position, Jack could now see the man's eyes within their deep sockets. They were like two gleaming black marbles. Jack felt the urge to wave again, but rationality prevailed. He'd had his fun that morning. Being overly provocative made no sense whatsoever.

"Did you find Craig's comments at lunch as surprising as I did?" Alexis questioned.

Happy to break off with Franco, Jack swung around to face his sister. "I think astounding would be a better word. I don't mean to be cynical, but it seems out of character. Do narcissists recognize themselves as such?"

"Not usually unless they are in therapy and motivated. Of course, I'm talking now about someone with a real, dysfunctional personality disorder, not just a personality trait, where most doctors fall."

Jack held his tongue on that issue. He wasn't about to get into an argument with Alexis about which group Craig belonged in. Instead, he asked, "Is this the kind of insight that's a temporary response to stress or a real change in self-knowledge?"