Jonathan Kellerman - The Web

The fall? His seeming fragility?

Falling. Forgetfulness. Tremors.

Sleep deprivation as he claimed, or was he just an old man in decline?

Declining along with his island.

His reaction to my suggestion that Aruk was dying had been sharp. The same type of frosty anger he'd shown Pam last night. I wondered if he'd once been a harder, colder man.

Without hope, there's nothing.

Hope was fine, but what was he doing about it? The same question: why not take heroic measures to revive things, rather than put his energy into the nutritional needs of bugs?

Because he was running out of energy?

Needed a universe he could control ?

Lord of the Roaches…

Where did I fit in?

I left to find Robin but she found me first, coming up the path with Spike, looking troubled.

"What's wrong?"

"Let's go inside."

We returned to the office and sat on the couch.

"Oh, boy."

"What is it?"

"I took another walk. To the northeast corner of the estate where it curves away from the banyan forest. Actually, I followed Spike. He kept pulling me there."

She pushed curls away from her eyes and rested her head on the back of the sofa.

"The stone walls continue all around, but as the road curves there's a very thick planting of avocado and mango that blocks the border. Hundreds of mature trees, you have to really squeeze to get through. Spike kept huffing, really yanking me. After a hundred feet or so I figured out why: someone was crying. I ran to see."

She took my hand and squeezed it.

"It was Pam, Alex. Lying on a blanket between the trees. Picnic stuff with her, a thermos, sandwiches. Lying on her back, wearing a sundress… oh, boy."

"What?"

"The straps were down and one hand was here." She cupped her own left breast. "Her eyes were closed; the other hand was up her dress. We just burst in on her-"

"Crying from pleasure?"

"No, no, I don't think so. More like emotional pain. She'd been… touching herself, and for some reason it had made her miserable. Tears were running down her cheeks. I tried to leave before she saw us, but Spike started barking and she opened her eyes. I was mortified. She sat up and adjusted her clothes, and meanwhile Spike's running straight to her, licking her face."

"Our little protector."

"Lord, lord."

"Poor you."

"Can you imagine, Alex? The size of this place, you'd figure you could find a private spot without Sherlock Bones sniffing you out."

"Rotten luck," I agreed. "Though I guess a really private spot would have been in her room with the door closed. How'd she react?"

"A split second of shock, then calm, ladylike, as if I was a neighbor dropping by to borrow sugar. She invited me to sit down. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but what could I say? No, thanks, I'll just leave you to whatever dark and depressing sexual fantasies you were having, ta ta? Meanwhile, Spike's sniffing the sandwiches and drooling."

"The boy knows his priorities."

"Oh, yeah, the world stops for ham and cheese. Actually, having him there was a good distraction. She played with him for a while, fed him, and we were doing a pretty good job of pretending it never happened. Then all of a sudden she burst into tears and stuff just started pouring out- how rotten her marriage had been, what an ugly divorce… I felt like a sponge, soaking up her pain- I don't know how you've done it all these years. I didn't say a thing, but she just kept going. It was almost as if she was glad I'd found her."

"Maybe she was."

"Or being discovered lowered her defenses."

"What was so rotten about her marriage?"

"Her husband was also a doctor, a vascular surgeon, couple of years younger. Very brilliant, very good-looking, the med center's most eligible bachelor. Love at first sight, whirlwind courtship, but sex with him was- she couldn't respond, so she faked it. It had never been a problem for her before; she figured it would work itself out. But it didn't and eventually he realized it. At first he didn't care, as long as he got his. Soon, though, it began to bother him. Affront to his manhood, he started pressuring her. Interrogating her. Then it became an obsession: if she didn't come, it wasn't real lovemaking. Eventually, they started avoiding each other and he started having affairs. Lots of affairs, not even trying to hide it. With both of them working in the same place, she felt she was a laughingstock."

"She just sat there and told you all this?"

"It was more as if she was talking to herself, Alex. She asked him to go into counseling. He refused, saying it was her problem. So she went into therapy by herself, and eventually things just broke down between them completely and she filed for divorce. At first he was really rotten- humiliating her with cracks about her being frigid, telling her about all the girls he was going out with. But then he had a change of heart and wanted to reconcile. She turned him down; he kept calling her, begging for another chance. She said no and pressed on with the divorce. A month later he died in a freak accident. Working out in his home gym, bench-pressing. The barbell fell on his chest and crushed him to death."

"And she feels guilty."

"Extremely guilty. Even though she knows it's not rational. Because she feels he really did still love her. She can't get rid of the idea that he was overdoing the weight lifting because he was stressed out over her. And to think the first time I saw her I thought she was the girl with everything."

"The girl with nothing left," I said. "So she packs up and returns here. And finds another younger man. Did the flap over Dennis come up?"

"No. But it sure looks like you were right about her having man problems, so maybe that's what Bill was reacting to. He doesn't want her hurt again so soon."

"Maybe. C'mere." She climbed onto my lap and I held her close. "Looks like you missed your true calling."

"That's what I'm concerned about. It's not my calling. You always talk about patients saying too much, too quickly, then growing hostile."

"Honey," I said, "you weren't probing, you just listened. And you have no professional responsibility-"

"I know, Alex, but I like her- basically she seems to be a sweet woman who's experienced some horrible things. She was only three when her mother died and Bill sent her away- farming her out to relatives and then boarding schools. She says she doesn't blame Bill, he was doing his best. But it's got to hurt. Is there anything more I should be doing for her?"

"If she seeks you out, listen, as long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable."

"I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. We're all living together in close quarters."

"This place," I said, "is starting to feel like Eden after the fall from grace."

"No," she said, smiling. "No serpents, just bugs."

"Maybe we should think about cutting our stay short, Rob- no, wait, hear me out. There are things bothering me that I haven't told you."

She shifted position and stared up at me. "Like what?"

"Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I can't get rid of the idea that someone planted those roaches." I told her my suspicions.

"But what would be the motive, Alex?"

"The only thing I can think of is that someone wants us out of here."

"Who and why?"

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure Bill hasn't been totally straight about his reasons for bringing me over, so there may be something going on that we're totally unaware of."

I told her about Moreland's fall in the lab, the crime clippings on his desk, his knowledge of my friendship with Milo.

"You think he wants help with a crime?" she said. "The murder on South Beach?"