Steven Thomas - Criminal Carma

“It sounds like you have some doubts about him.”

“I didn’t at first. He has so much spiritual insight, and his siddhis are so strong. But now…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head again. “I really shouldn’t be talking about ashram business. I’m sorry. What can I do for you? Meditation doesn’t start for two hours-if we even have it tonight.”

“I came to see Mary. Is she around?”

His glum face fell further. “She is here but she is not available.”

“Why?”

“She is with Baba.”

“Doing what?”

“He is initiating her.”

My heart sped up and I felt the way a lion does before it roars.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know exactly,” Ganesha said, annoyed. I wasn’t sure if he was irritated at me or at his own ignorance or at Baba’s shenanigans.

“Forget ‘exactly.’ Get me in the ballpark.”

“He is giving her a personal mantra and making her a high rank within the Murshid organization. It is supposed to be a big deal that he only does for people with great spiritual talent. Mary was all pumped up.” He sounded angry and disgusted.

“Why her?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what goes on inside that organization. It doesn’t make any sense to me. She is a girl off the streets who has only been in the ashram a few months.”

It made plenty of sense to me-and maybe to Ganesha, too.

“Where are they?” I said.

“They just went upstairs.”

I turned and walked out of the shop toward the staircase.

“You can’t go up there!” Ganesha said, following me into the hallway. “Only staff are allowed up there.”

“What’s the hubbub, Bub?” Namo drifted out into the hallway from the library, where he had apparently been lurking. He blocked the base of the stairs with his lumpy body.

“We already been through this once, haven’t we, Bub?” Namo asked me.

“Get ready to go through it again,” I said.

Namo grinned. He was missing his top canine tooth and the one behind it on both sides. “Sounds like my kind of game,” he said, crouching flat-footed and bringing his clenched fists up in front of his chest.

“Stop it, both of you!” Ganesha yelled.

“You keep out of this, you fucking pansy,” Namo said.

“Shut up,” Ganesha said forcefully. “I’m in charge here, not you!”

“Yer the one better shut up,” Namo snarled. “The big man ain’t gonna be too happy when he hears how you been running your mouth to this prick.”

“Doing a little eavesdropping?” I said.

“What if I was?”

“Sounds like something a snitch would do,” I said to get his goat.

“Who the fuck you calling a snitch?” he yelled, shuffling toward me, swaying his overdeveloped upper body. A snitch is the lowest thing you can be in prison. Nobody wants to be called one because it can get you shanked.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean a snitch. I meant a sissy.” That’s someone who has acquiesced to playing the female part in a prison relationship, either a homosexual who enjoys the role or someone who has been beaten into sexual submission.

With an inarticulate but seemingly hostile sound, Namo charged me.

I leaped back five feet, landing with my guard up and my left side toward the bodybuilder. Enraged, he had given up on the idea of a boxing match and was going for a tackle, coming in with his head down. I met his charge by pushing his greasy melon down and away from me with both hands at the same time as I skipped to the right, letting his momentum carry him past me, like a bull past a matador. As he went by to my left, I pivoted and kneed him solidly in the gut with my right knee, forcing a grunt out of his thick torso and sending him sprawling on the hall floor.

When he scrambled to his feet, he had a sheath knife with a four-inch blade in his hand. Before he could make a move, Ganesha ran between us.

“If you don’t stop, I’m going to call the police!” he shouted at Namo, then turned to me: “I mean it, man. We have enough problems around here without this kind of shit. I will have you arrested if you keep it up.”

Namo shared my disinclination toward the Venice Beach police. The knife disappeared and he didn’t try to renew hostilities. Red-faced and panting, holding his side with one hand, he contented himself by giving me a threatening look as he stalked away, shoving past Ganesha and disappearing into the hallway beside the stairs that led back to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Ganesha,” I said. “I don’t want to make trouble.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“He attacked me. You saw that. I was defending myself.”

“You shouldn’t have been trying to go upstairs.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He was right. It was stupid of me to try and charge upstairs and stop whatever was going on. What was I going to do? Mary was of age. If she let Baba take advantage of her, that was her karma, not mine.

As if my mental image had conjured her up, the blonde appeared at the top of the stairs, paused when she saw us, then came tripping down. She was wearing one of the flimsy white robes.

“Hi, Rob,” she said casually, hurrying past me on her way to the meditation room.

“Hi,” I said to her back as she went through the French doors.

When she reemerged a few moments later, she had two candles, some sticks of incense, and a bell clutched in her eager hands.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

“Baba is initiating me as Murshida! He says we need this stuff.”

“Mary-”

“I can’t talk now.” She sounded excited and happy and a little dazed, like a girl getting ready for the big dance with her girlfriends, caught up in preparations and anticipation. As she passed me on her way back upstairs I noticed that her pupils were big.

So the fat louse had outmaneuvered me. He was going to get in her pants by flattering her spiritual ambitions, making her some kind of assistant swami, and telling her how enlightened she was as he undressed her. And she was falling for it. I wondered if Baba would include any of the flower girls in the initiation ceremony or if he would save that for later, after he had fucked Mary silly and gotten her used to his perversions.

I wished I’d never looked at her. I wished I had fucked Evelyn the night before. At the same time, I still wanted to follow her upstairs and smash Baba’s face and take her away from him.

Ganesha’s gaze was directed toward the top of the empty staircase, same as mine, and he had the same expression of longing on his face that he’d had the night I met him, when he watched Mary moving lightly around the gift shop, snuffing out candles. But now the desire was tinged with bitterness. I didn’t think he would be at the ashram much longer.

“Goodbye, Ganesha,” I said, heading for the front door. “I hope everything works out.”

“Goodbye,” he said. “You are still welcome here.”

“Thank you.”

I didn’t think I would be returning. We would grab the necklace and get out of town. I didn’t know why I felt so bad about the girl. I’d only known her for three days. If she wanted to be with Baba instead of me, so be it. Southern California was well supplied with willing women. There were thousands of them everywhere, at the beach, in shopping malls, at dance clubs and restaurants and bars.

If only the vibe between us hadn’t felt so special. There was no use lying to myself about that. It was hard for me to connect with people because of what I did for a living. Reggie was the only person in my life I could really talk to, and he was a mixed bag as far as emotional props go.

Yoga teaches that detachment is the supreme virtue. Because all physical objects, including living beings, inevitably decay, attachment to anything in the material world leads to pain and sorrow. The ideal attitude is illustrated by an expression the swamis teach: Pleasure or pain, loss or gain, fame or shame, all the same.