Faye Kellerman - The Mercedes Coffin

Decker said, “Well, your name came up somehow. Who the hell knows? We haven’t made any progress on it, so we’re shelving it again. What’s going on inside there, Rudy?”

“Assholes. A guy can’t even fuck in peace anymore. How the hell did you find me?”

“Find you?” Decker paused for effect. “I didn’t know you were missing.” A beat. “What’s going on, Rudy? I was rudely awakened from a sound sleep and told to get my ass down here. I’m getting all kinds of conflicting information. I want to hear from you.”

“Don’t give me that fucking sincere jackass bullshit! What you want is for me to step outside so you can shoot my ass off.”

“If that’s what you think, don’t step outside.”

The negotiator was gesticulating like a wild man. Decker looked down at the notepad and promptly passed up his suggestion. “Hey, Rudy, you called me.” A beat. “Talk to me, man. Maybe I can help you.”

“You tell those motherfucking, asshole pricks that if I go down, I’m going down in a blaze of glory! You fucking assholes don’t know who the hell you’re dealing with!”

Decker began to improvise. “Rudy, everyone knows who you are. The Doodoo Sluts went platinum, buddy. We all know who we’re dealing with.”

“Who put you up to this?”

“To what?”

“To looking for me?”

“I told you, Rudy, I wanted to talk to you about Bennett Little. But that case is dead-”

“You talked to that bitch, didn’t you? Fucking cunt thinks I had something to do with her asshole boyfriend’s death. I was nowhere around! I was at a party.”

“Which woman are you talking about?”

“C’mon, c’mon. I don’t like games. You play me for a fucking fool, I fucking blow holes in these bitches’ heads!”

Decker took a chance. “I don’t know who you mean. Do you mean Melinda Little?”

“Melinda Little?” A pause. “What does she have to do with it?”

“I told you, I was working on the Bennett Little case. She’s the only woman I know.”

“Not Melinda Little. Marilyn Eustis.”

“Who’s she?”

“You’re shittin’ me.”

“No, I’m not. Who is she?”

“Primo Ekerling’s girlfriend.”

“Ekerling isn’t my case, Rudy.” Decker hoped his lie was smooth. “It’s Hollywood ’s case. The only thing I know about it is what I’ve read in the newspaper. I know you two were business partners, I know you two were bandmates. I had no idea that Hollywood wanted to talk to you.”

There was a long pause.

Decker said, “What’s going on, Rudy?”

“What’s going on is that piece of fat lard shit came after me with a gun! Suddenly I’m surrounded by a bunch of fucking Nazis! What’d I do except try to defend myself!”

“Rudy, they tell me that the lard ass has been shot. Is that true?”

“I was trying to defend myself.”

“I know, and I completely believe you. But if the asshole was shot, it would be good if you sent him out here so the paramedics can take a look at him.”

“Paramedics, my ass. You fucking assholes want to storm-troop the place.”

“How about this, Rudy? I’ll stay out on the front lawn with my hands up in the air. You send out Lard Ass while you keep a bead on me. If you think I’m trying to snow you, shoot my head off.”

“I don’t even know what the fuck you look like?”

“I’ll be the only one standing in the middle of the lawn with a helmet on my head and my hands in the air.”

“How can I shoot your head off if you’re wearing a helmet?”

“Aim for the chest.”

“You’re probably going to be wearing a bulletproof vest.”

“Absolutely, I’ll be wearing a bulletproof vest. The point is, you’ll have the gun but I’ll be unarmed. You have the advantage, and I don’t want to die.”

“And while I’m keeping a bead on you, trying to decide where to plug you, some motherfucking sharpshooter has a bead on me.”

“Rudy, I have no idea what room you’re phoning from.”

“And I have no idea where you’re phoning from. I don’t see anyone out there on the phone.”

“I’m in a police mobile unit. But I have my cell phone. How about this? I’ll walk into the center of the lawn with my helmet and my vest and call you from my cell.”

“Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” He cut the line.

The Kevlar vest and a helmet were waiting for him. The vest fit, and although the helmet was a little tight, he could get it over his skull.

Cressly said, “Try not to get picked off.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“We’ve got guys from all angles-SMPD, LAPD, and our sharpshooters.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Decker thought about being shot, and his mind immediately raced back to the few times he actually had been shot. Banks was a psycho, but on the psycho scale he was nowhere near Hersh Schwartz, and he was universes away from Chris Donatti. He left the van and walked into the middle of the front lawn. Flashbulbs were popping in his face…bursts of light like tracers. When his cell rang, Decker jumped. With shaking hands, he answered the call. “I take it you see me?”

“Yeah, I see you. You look like you’re ready for Iraq.”

“I’m just a cautious guy.”

“Either you’re a real dumb ass or I’m a real dumb ass.”

“How about if none of us are dumb asses and you let Mr. Lard Ass out.”

“Your hands aren’t up.”

Decker wedged the cell between his cheek and his shoulder. Then he raised both hands in the air. “Okay?”

Rudy didn’t answer.

“Hello?”

“I’m still fucking here…as long as the fucking phone company allows my nighttime minutes.”

The two of them went on for a few more minutes. Decker’s arms began to ache. “I’ve got to put my arms down, Rudy. I’m going to move very slowly. Don’t get any bad ideas.” Bit by bit, he lowered his limbs until they were at his side. His feet were cold and tired, but he soldiered on. “See? I’m still harmless and still talking to you. Open communication. How about letting Lard Ass go?”

“How about not?”

They continued to talk for another hour. Decker’s patience was rewarded when Cecil Dobbins came out huffing and puffing, holding his injured arm. Immediately the paramedics went to work.

Decker said, “That was really smart, Rudy. Really, really smart. Do you mind if I back away?”

“Afraid I might get Itchy Finger?”

“The thought occurred to me.”

“Why do I need you? I’ve got three in here for target practice.” As Decker started to back away, Banks said, “Stay where you are.”

Decker stopped abruptly. His feet were like two blocks of ice. It had been hot in the Valley, but the beach was always ten to twenty degrees cooler in the summer. His shoulders were throbbing, brought on by the extra weight of the vest, the tension in his muscles, and the chilled saline spray carried over by the ocean breezes.

Rudy said, “I like seeing you.”

Decker said, “Fine. I won’t move. I just want to shift positions. My balance is off.”

“Move slowly. If you make a wrong move, you’re dead.”

“I hear you.” Decker rocked on his feet until he evened his weight distribution. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Decker couldn’t believe the bastard had actually said something nice. Rapport, rapport. “So what’s going on?”

“You fucking tell me.”

“I wish I knew all the facts. You asked to talk to me, I’m here. You tell me to stand in the middle of the lawn, I do it. You’re in control right now.”

“Fucking A right about that. You tell Hollywood Police that I had nothing to do with that bastard’s death. I’m glad that he died, but I didn’t kill him.”