J. RoBB - The Lost

He crossed the room to stand beside her, tossing her note on the cushion of the window seat. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

She closed her eyes, cursing his timing. Another few minutes and she could have avoided this scene. “Just what it said in my note, Ross. I’m leaving.”

“I can read. You didn’t bother to tell me why.”

“I realized that I’ve been living in a dream world these past few days. This isn’t my birthright, Ross. I don’t belong here.”

“Isn’t that a decision you should be discussing with Cullen?”

“He’s blinded by the loss of his beloved Moira. He wants so badly to believe, that he’s lost all reality.”

“Oh, it’s reality you want?” He handed over the courier’s envelope. “Read this.”

“So soon? I was hoping…” She stared at it with a look of dread. “You haven’t read it?”

“It isn’t mine to read. It’s yours. Yours and Cullen’s. Go ahead, Aidan. Read it.”

Instead of opening it, she shocked him to the core by tearing it into tiny bits.

He hissed out a breath and tried to stop her. “Are you crazy?”

She pulled away, shredding the last of the documents. “I think I was, for a couple of days.”

“You’re not making any sense, Aidan.”

She tossed the bits of paper into a wastebasket before turning to him. Though she longed to reach out and touch him, she dared not, for fear of losing what little courage she had left. “Listen to me, Ross. You and Cullen love each other. And why not? You’re his true son.”

“And he’s more a father to me than my own ever was.”

“Without you, Cullen would have never become what he is today.”

Ross was shaking his head. “You’ve got it wrong. Without Cullen, I’d still be a street tough, probably living out my years in prison. Maybe I ought to tell you the kind of life I led before Cullen took me in.”

“There’s no need. He told me.”

“But you don’t…”

She placed a finger to his lips to still his words. The warmth of his skin beneath her fingertip caused a tiny thrill to race along her spine. “I know that because of Cullen, you’ve become a better man. And because of you, so has he. You became his reason for living, for growing as a person. That’s what family does for family. Whether I’m related or not, I can never love Cullen the way you do. I can never impact Cullen’s life the way you have.”

“And for that you’d just leave?”

“That isn’t why.” She shook her head. “Why should I have a claim on his estate? Does it make sense to hand all this over to me because of a mistake that was made two generations ago? Don’t you see? You have to let me go.”

“There’s something else going on here.” Ross bit off each word for emphasis. “What you’re planning is selfish and cruel, and now that I know you so well, I know that’s not something you’re capable of being. You’re kind and thoughtful and generous, but never cruel.”

She looked away, wondering how to make him understand. “It would be even more selfish to claim what isn’t mine. I can’t be what Cullen wants me to be. I can’t stay here. I can’t claim any of this, when it’s rightfully yours. If I leave, everything between you and Cullen will remain as it was.”

For the longest moment he merely stared at her, as the truth of her words dawned. She was turning her back on all of this because of him.

Ross felt a surge of such blinding love blooming in his heart, it had him by the throat until he could barely catch his breath.

She loved him. She was doing all of this because she loved him. Completely. Unselfishly.

Hadn’t he truly believed that such love was impossible in this world?

He fought to speak over the rock that had formed in his throat, threatening to choke him. “Aidan, all of this is Cullen’s. To do with as he pleases.”

“But he’s left it to you. The son he always wanted.” She felt tears sting her eyes and blinked furiously to keep from weeping. “And now I’ve come along and messed up everything. This is all a big mistake.”

“A mistake?” His eyes were hot and fierce. “Was the love we shared last night a mistake? What about the feelings we have for each other? Are you saying that’s a mistake, too?”

When she didn’t answer he clenched his hands at his sides. He wanted to shake her until she came to her senses.

He wanted to hold her. Just hold her. But not yet. Not just yet. They needed to get all of this out in the open and put behind them.

“All of this…” She swept her hand. “Ireland. This lovely estate. That fairy-tale town filled with good, hard-working people… It’s all a lovely dream, but for me, it’s just that. A dream. Now it’s time for the truth.”

“Yes. The truth.” He fought to keep his tone even. “Think you can handle it?”

When she said nothing he went on. “I want you to stay, Aidan. Not for Cullen, but for me.”

“I can’t stay. I told you, I’m…”

“I know. Determined to do the noble thing and step aside so that all this can be mine.” He fought down the wild swirl of emotions threatening to swamp him. He would have sworn he could hear music playing. An orchestra, the sound growing, swelling in his heart. A heart that had been battered by anger and mistrust, and locked tightly against any hint of trust or tenderness for all of his adult life. “The truth is, you love me. You’re ready to step aside because you want what’s best for me.”

Aidan refused to look at him.

“I need to hear the words, Aidan. Say you love me.”

She looked down at her hands and prayed her voice wouldn’t tremble. “Maybe I do. But…”

“You do love me.” He was finally able to smile. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

She still refused to look at him. “But I have to go.”

“You have to stay.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, too, little fool.”

Love. The mere word had all the air leaving her lungs. She could hardly breathe. “But Cullen’s estate…”

“Is in Cullen’s hands. Tell me, does it matter whether or not one of us inherits? Would you be willing to marry me even if I’m penniless?”

“Marry? I thought…” She swallowed and tried again. “I was told that Ross Delaney isn’t the marrying kind.”

“I wasn’t. Until now.”

“And now? What happened to change your mind?”

“You. And that damnably noble heart of yours. I haven’t any defense against it.”

Oh, the way her poor heart leapt in her chest. “But what about Cullen?”

“He has to find his own woman.”

That had them both chuckling, breaking the terrible tension building between them.

Finally, with the warmth of laughter, he could take her in his arms. Touch her. Hold her.

He pressed his mouth to her temple and growled. “Aidan, I want it all with you. Love. Marriage. Forever-after. I won’t settle for less. Starting right now. Today. This minute.”

As his words washed over her, and the reality of what he’d said began to sink in, tears filled her eyes and she was mortified to feel them running down her cheeks. “Oh, Ross. You love me. Truly love me.”

“I do. Yes.”

“And I love you. Truly love you.”

He gathered her closer, needing to feel her heartbeat inside his own chest, keeping time to his. “Thank heaven. At last we can speak the truth. Now, here’s my truth, Aidan. The first time I saw you, I felt something so strong, so powerful, I didn’t know how to handle it. I knew only that I had to be near you. To see you, to touch you. To have you. I don’t even know when lust turned into love. I love you so much I can’t sleep or eat or string together a coherent sentence. Now, finally, I understand what Cullen went through. If you left me, I’d have to spend the rest of my life searching for you. Don’t you see? We have to be together. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”