Leanne Banks - From Playboy To Papa!

She glanced away. “It was a philosophical question,” she said.

“It sounded like more,” he said.

She lifted her shoulders. “If you are going to be a partner in Joel’s care, then I need to know what to expect. People have different philosophies about physical punishment.”

He studied her for a long moment. “So you’re afraid I’ll beat him?”

Her heart skipped and her stomach knotted. She swallowed over the knot of emotion in the back of her throat. “I need to make sure I understand what you believe.”

“We’ve talked about this before. I was spanked as a child, but I don’t think it hurt me. I think there are better ways of disciplining children. My primary goal is protecting my child.”

He spoke as if he were a modern-day warrior. Nicole tried to compute his words, but struggled to separate them from her father’s actions.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said, his eyes narrowed.

She looked away. “Your appearance in Joel’s life has been so sudden.”

“That wasn’t by my choice,” he said.

“I know. But you’re not the only one who feels protective of Joel.” She pushed her hair behind one ear and appeared as if she were debating something. “I’m not sure of what your values are, what you’ve been taught.”

Rafe felt a familiar twist in his gut. “What you mean is that I wasn’t raised in civilized society and in the cocoon of extreme wealth. You’re starting to sound like your sister. I’m a little too rough around the edges. I’m not quite good enough for prime time. Right?”

Nicole’s lips parted in a soft gasp. “No. I didn’t mean that at-”

He lifted his hand. “Save it. I’ve heard it before more than once. My family was poor, but my father loved us. My mother just wasn’t strong enough to keep it all together after my dad and Leo died. So, yes, I was shuffled off to a foster family, who wanted me partly because I brought in extra income. Didn’t catch up with my brothers until the last few years. Sometimes it feels like my first nine years were just a dream.” He paused a half beat and shook his head. “I pretended I belonged, but I never did. I don’t even have pictures of my family,” he muttered, then looked at her. “Your parents probably commissioned oil paintings of you and Tabitha every year of your life.”

“There were a lot of photos,” she admitted.

“None of this matters. What matters is Joel is my son and I’m going to take care of him. Good night,” he said and knew he had to get out. The walls of his house felt as if they were closing in around him. Or maybe it was his own bones and ribs squeezing his guts into a knot.

He grabbed the keys to his car and stopped suddenly. He couldn’t just pick up and go anymore. He had to think of Joel. He turned to Nicole. “I need to go for a drive,” he said. “I’ll make sure the housekeeper keeps an ear out for Joel. I’ll have my cell. Call me if you need me.”

She nodded. “I think I gave you the wrong impression,” she began.

“Not likely,” he said, hearing the edge of cynicism in his own voice. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Sliding into his vintage Corvette, Rafe put the top down and headed for the pier. The wind blew over his face, assuaging just a tinge of his restlessness. Nicole’s lack of trust in him drove him to a level of frustration he hadn’t experienced in years, if ever.

He knew she wanted him, but she kept pulling back. She got under his skin even more than Tabitha had. He shook his head at the thought. No, he’d allowed himself to fall ass over teakettle for Tabitha. Rafe had more self-control these days. Lust was just another word for love.

It shouldn’t bother him that she shared the same attitude about his lack of so-called class that Tabitha had, but it did.

A bitter taste filled his mouth. He could have dismissed any other woman, but this was Joel’s mother. Whether he liked it or not, he would have to bring her around to his way of thinking.

Nicole had never felt so conflicted in her life. Although she knew she was completely justified in making sure that Rafe would be a good parent to Joel, she hated the idea of causing Rafe pain. Given his history with her sister, her feelings were pure insanity.

Why did she care about hurting him? Was it because Rafe was Joel’s father? Nicole suspected it was more than that. Something about Rafe made her feel longings she’d dismissed. She should forget those same longings now.

Five days later, a social-services specialist called the house to schedule a visit. Nicole reluctantly called Rafe.

“What does she want?” he asked.

“She wants to observe Joel and you to see how he is adjusting,” Nicole said, pacing as she talked to him. The two of them had barely exchanged a word since he’d taken off that night after her confrontation.

“What did you tell her?” he demanded.

“I told her that you and Joel had a wonderful time on your yacht,” she said. “But you haven’t given me any new material since then.”

“You told her that?” he said, fury in his voice.

Nicole shook her head in exasperation. “Just the first part. But it would have been the truth. You don’t seem to grasp the concept that fathering is an everyday commitment, not just an every-now-and-then exercise.”

“I’m still catching up from my time in Atlanta,” he said in a clipped voice, then swore. “When is she coming?”

“I wanted to ask you first so you could be prepared,” she said.

Silence hung between them. “Thank you,” he said. “How about Saturday?”

“I don’t think they like to work weekends,” she said.

“Okay,” he said and paused. “Tuesday,” he said. “Tuesday afternoon. We’ll spend some time in the pool. Joel likes that. We’ll go out on the yacht again on Friday.”

Nicole packed for Joel and herself and met Rafe again at the dock. Something raw and unspoken passed between them. Rafe extended his hand to Joel and her son hesitantly took it.

Rafe shot her a look of inquiry.

“A day is a week to a three-year-old,” she said.

“Good point.”

Rafe worked at charming his son and by evening, Joel allowed him to read his bedtime stories. Nicole paced the deck, full of conflicting emotions. She wished the wind whipping through her would bring clarity with it.

“What have you told him about me?” Rafe asked from behind her.

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “That you’re busy working. You have a very important job and a lot of people depend on you.”

“It doesn’t wash, does it?” he said more than asked, moving beside her.

“It will for a little bit, then not so much,” she said and met his gaze. “Fatherhood is a huge time commitment. I’m not sure you’re ready for it.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you told the social-services specialist?”

“Absolutely not,” she said.

“Why not, if it’s what you believe?”

She looked away and shrugged. “You’re new at this, so you’re bound to screw up.”

Silence followed. “Excuse me?”

She met his gaze. “Think about it. How much training have you had to be a father?”

“None, but-”

“Exactly, and like most people, you probably think it should come naturally. But it doesn’t. It takes work.”

The wind whipped through his hair. “If I were in your position, I might be tempted to sabotage me.”

“It has occurred to me,” she said without blinking.

His eyes widened. “Then why haven’t you?”

She sighed. “Several reasons. It ultimately wouldn’t be best for Joel. And you seem to be sabotaging yourself. You don’t need my help.”

His mouth lifted in a half grimace. “This is where you are nothing like your sister.”