Laura Caldwell - Red Hot Lies

Outside the police station, I stop and turn around. The station is one of the newer ones with an architecturally pleasing glass front and a smattering of sculptures. The group files out onto the sidewalk with me, everyone blinking in the sun.

There is Q and Shane. They seem very much like a couple suddenly with their shared gazes and subtle-but-certain touches. Shane is shell-shocked with the news that his best friend killed his father, but I sense that later, somehow, Shane will be okay. With the new confidence he’s had to acquire and with the support of Q, I think he’s going to make his father very proud, even if it’s not exactly in the way Forester had envisioned.

Maggie squints at the bright Saturday morning. Of all of us, she should be the most tired, since she spent the night managing the cops as only a magician could, running between interrogation rooms where each of us was until the cops could untwist the entire story. Instead, Maggie is jazzed up and buoyant, looking more like a college student in her jeans and big sweater than a top-notch criminal lawyer. She gives everyone her card with instructions to call with any questions. She grabs Sam and whispers something to him, their heads bowed. I’m sure it’s something to do with the fact that now she’ll be taking him to the FBI.

After a few hours of questioning last night, the police went to Dr. Li’s house where they found her and her husband packing their belongings. They had two one-way tickets to Beijing. After being taken into custody, Dr. Li confessed everything, including the fact that Tanner had paid her.

Andi Lippman arrived at the police station shortly after we learned about Dr. Li, and she is now waiting at the curb for Sam with an unmarked car and two federal marshals. Sam will be questioned, but given Tanner’s actions, Dr. Li’s confession and the documentation drawn up by Forester, Maggie doesn’t expect him to be held for long.

My mother touches my arm as she steps outside the station and hugs me. I’d called her last night and asked her to come. Maggie told me my mom was worried about me while I was in Panama, calling every few hours. I felt terrible that I’d made her worry, that I’d even for a moment accused her of hurting Forester.

“I’m sorry you lost him,” I say as I squeeze her, smelling that fresh citrus smell from the light perfume she always wears.

She squeezes me harder, and I cannot see, but I can imagine, those crystalline tears trickling from her eyes.

When I pull away, my eyes land on the head of the executive committee at Baltimore & Brown.

Edward Chase steps forward, dressed in slacks and a blue sweater too tight for his ample belly, and shakes my hand. “I want to thank you for notifying me, Izzy. You did the right thing for the good of the firm.”

I nod. I’d tracked down Chase’s home number last night. The suicide of one of the firm’s partners, soon to be followed with the news that the same partner had killed one of their biggest clients, was a major blow. I knew they’d want to manage the situation as quickly as possible.

“So, listen,” Chase said. “Why don’t you keep that leave of absence going. You know, take it easy for a while.”

“Sure, Ed.” His words seemed kind, but I know that Chase, no matter what the circumstances, never lets his attorneys take a few months off. The truth is, there is no great reason to fire me, and it would reflect poorly if he did so right now. But if I’m around, I’m a reminder of all the messiness.

Strangely, his implied dismissal doesn’t hit me as hard or as much as I would have thought. I couldn’t imagine life at Baltimore & Brown if I returned-no Q, no Forester. I would always be the girl who was involved somehow in that business with Forester and Tanner.

And now that I’d been walking around, stripped of everything that had defined me, I realize I didn’t have to hold so tight to it all. I’ll find another job, maybe do something entirely different, follow a different path I can’t even see right now. Maybe I’ll start my own firm and Shane will let me keep representing Pickett Enterprises.

“I don’t think I’ll be returning to Baltimore & Brown,” I say to Chase. “I think it’s time for something new.”

He doesn’t look surprised. Or disappointed. “Can I ask what you’ll do?”

“Can I let you know when I figure it out?” Despite the grief that lies deep inside me, I find myself inhabited by the power of potential, a strange exhilaration for the unknown.

Chase smiles. “You bet.” He shakes my hand, wishes me good luck and leaves.

As I turn back to the group, I see Sam. He is standing slightly apart from everyone now, just watching me with those olive eyes, but getting ready to leave me again, at least temporarily. He glances toward the federal marshals, then back at me.

He looks drained and yet somehow very sexy. The sexiness is due in part, I suppose, to the danger he’s brought back with him to Chicago, a sense of mystery. I’d been sure that I knew everything about Sam Hollings. And I had been wrong. I hadn’t known his capacity for generosity, for loyalty, for adventure, for stupidity. I find the new mystery of him intoxicating.

But…but…but…there is no going back to the way we were before this all happened, before the craziness of the wedding. That much is evident. I squeeze my left hand, feeling my engagement ring digging into my skin. There are so many questions-questions about why he didn’t trust me, even if he was following the directives of Forester, questions about how he could put me through what he did, questions about what my reluctance toward the wedding says about us. So if we stay together, if we look deep for the answers to those questions, we will be different, and I don’t know what that “different” will look like or if we’ll even want it.

As I look at Sam on this quiet, crisp morning, I realize that life in general is not only volatile (sometimes wonderfully so, sometimes tragically), it is also irrevocable. There is no returning to yesterday when my dress was fresh. There will be no rebound to two weeks ago when Q and I ruled the roost at Baltimore & Brown. I can’t rewind to a year ago when Sam and I got engaged and when my feelings for him were rock solid. Now, it’s all slithering through my fingers as I try to get a hold on something, anything, that is here to stay. The only thing I can come up with is that I love these people I’m surrounded by, and they love me, and maybe love is the only real comfort, no matter what form you receive it in, no matter that you might not find it again tomorrow.

Now, I say to myself. Now is enough.

I cross the ten feet that separate Sam and me.

“I will be home soon,” he says.

“I know.” And then I kiss him.

I pull back, and we share a smile. I’m pretty sure he’s thinking the same thing as I, wondering where we will go from here, wondering what the world now holds for Sam Hollings and Isabel McNeil as soon as this all clears.

The sun moves around the corner of the building. I lift my face to it, and I close my eyes. I know now that what I told myself at the Panama Canal is true-no matter what’s in store, I’ll be fine, though perhaps “fine” in a way I’d never thought about before.

In my mind, I look at the great open space that is my future. And I find myself thrilled at the prospect of dipping my toe into that deep chasm, just to see what it feels like.

Is this a novel you would like to see made into a movie or television show? If so, who do you think the actors and actresses would be to play the main characters?

If you had everything in your life pulled away from you in one day, as Izzy did, how would you respond?