Brad Meltzer - Dead Even

When the electronic numbers on his digital alarm clock read 2:30, Jared slowly turned toward his wife and whispered, “Sara.”

No answer.

“Sara, are you awake?”

Still no answer.

As quietly as he could manage, Jared raised the covers and slid out of bed. Silently, he tiptoed around the bed. On the way, he hit a loose floorboard that let out a tiny shriek. In response, Sara turned over on her side, facing the nightstand that Jared was aiming for. He stopped in his tracks. “Sara?” he whispered.

No response.

Jared crept forward and crouched next to his wife’s briefcase, which was leaning against the nightstand. But as he reached for it, he paused. My God, what am I doing? Pulling away, he wondered why he had ever thought he could go through with it. Then he caught sight of Sara, and the answer again became perfectly clear: Her life was worth the risk. Steeling himself against the churning in his stomach, Jared held his breath and gently lifted Sara’s bag.

His hands were shaking as he opened the single clasp and raised the leather flap. Feverishly fingering through the folders inside, he pulled out the one marked KOZLOW. As he was about to open it, he looked again at his slumbering wife. She looked beautiful. Transfixed, Jared continued to stare at her. He didn’t want to betray her, but he needed to know what she knew. And before he could talk himself out of it, he opened the folder and started reading.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Jared quickly stood up. Sara was wide awake.

“Sara, before you say anything, let me-”

“Get out.”

“It’s not what-”

“Get out! I want you out of this house! Now! ” she shouted. Hopping out of bed, she pulled the folder from Jared’s hands. “How dare you do this to me! How dare you! Do you really have that little respect for me?”

“Of course not, I just-”

“You just what? You were looking for gum? You needed a pen to write down your dream? You wanted to break every ethics rule in the book? What’s the lame excuse of the week?”

“Trust me, I know it doesn’t look good, but I can explain.”

“Trust you? You want me to trust you?” She dropped the folder and smacked Jared. First in the chest, then in the shoulder. “This is our trust, Jared! This is our trust, and you just ripped it apart!”

He tried to block her as best he could. “Sara, just let me explain!”

“No, no, of course. Go ahead – explain. I’m dying to hear this one.”

Jared took a deep breath. He was shaking. Nowhere to turn. “I know you’re not going to believe this, but this has nothing to do with you. It’s only about the case. Like I said from the beginning, you have to realize how much it all means to me. I wasn’t looking for a free ride; I just wanted to know what I was going to be facing tomorrow.”

“And did you do the same thing before I went in front of the grand jury? Did you raid my files then? And are you going to take another peek before the actual trial?” As Sara rattled off the questions, she stepped closer to Jared. She pushed her finger into his chest with each accusation.

Instinctively, he backed up, moving farther away from Sara’s side of the bed. “Don’t use that tone with me,” he said. “I barely even saw anything.”

“That’s because I woke up and stopped you!”

“Listen, I’m sorry we had to get into this, but if the situations were reversed, you’d have done the same thing to me,” he said, his back pressed against Sara’s dresser. “Now if you want me to move out, I’ll be happy to oblige, but you better think very carefully before you do anything you’ll regret.”

Sara turned around, reached into the top drawer of her nightstand, pulled out a set of keys, and threw them at Jared. “These’ll get you into Pop’s apartment. Take your stuff and get out of my face.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jared asked, stunned.

“That’s my decision,” Sara said. “Now leave.”

“Are you sure you-”

“Get out. Now.”

He shook his head with confused rage. “You’re going to regret this one.”

“We’ll see.”

He stormed to his closet with his jaw clenched. Wait until she’s alone, he thought. Then she’ll see she overreacted. In a blur of hostility, he pounded from room to room until he was done collecting suits, toiletries, and enough clothes to get him through the weekend. But it wasn’t until he was finally ready to leave that Jared realized what was happening.

As he carried his black hanging bag to the door, he saw Sara sitting in the dark of the living room. Her briefcase was leaning against the couch. Instantly, rage gave way to reality. “I’m going,” he said in a soft voice.

She didn’t respond.

“Sara, I’m-”

“I heard you.”

Jared put his hand on the doorknob. “I just want you to know I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“I am. I really am,” he said. He didn’t want to leave now, but he had no idea what to say. Searching for the perfect words, he came up empty. Finally, he blurted, “Are you sure you want me to go?”

Again, Sara didn’t respond. She watched him carefully. He looked so vulnerable as he stood there, his hanging bag sagging from his shoulder. An awkward silence filled the room. Jared tried to read his wife’s blank expression. Slowly, he lowered his bag to the floor.

“Don’t do that,” Sara said.

“But you-”

“I’m not changing my mind, Jared. I want you out.”

That was it. She wasn’t going to take it back. Turning away, Jared opened the door. Without another word, he was gone.

The first thing that hit him was the silence. He was unfazed by the photographs of Sara and her parents that decorated the long walls of the entryway. He barely registered the familiar stale smell that was reminiscent of his own grandparents’ house. But as he entered Pop’s modest apartment on East Seventy-sixth Street, the one thing Jared couldn’t ignore was the piercing silence.

“Hello?” he called out just to make some noise. “Anybody here?” No one answered.

With his hanging bag still slumping from his shoulder, Jared dragged himself inside and dropped his belongings. He headed quickly to Pop’s bedroom, and just as quickly decided that he didn’t want to sleep in Pop’s bed. It didn’t feel right. After hunting around for the linen closet, Jared pulled out some sheets and a blanket, opened the sleeper sofa, and made his new bed. All he had to do was lie in it.

It’s only until the case is over, he told himself. That’s all she meant, isn’t it? Unwilling to face the answer, he walked back up the entryway and double-checked the lock on the front door. Unlike the door in his own apartment, which had two different dead bolts as well as a chain, Pop’s front door had only a single lock – the same one that had originally been in the door when Pop moved in, almost twenty years ago. For Pop, the single lock was more than enough to make him feel safe. For Jared, it was an entirely different story. Jared wasn’t worried about a lock. He wasn’t even worried about himself. He was worried about his wife. And the longer he was gone, the less Sara was protected.

Returning to the living room, Jared picked up the phone from the coffee table and dialed his home number. C’mon, honey, pick up. The phone rang again. C’mon, Sara, I know you’re there. And again. Are you there? And again. Where are you? And again. Sara, now you’re scaring me. Are you-

“Hello,” she finally answered, her voice groggy and hoarse.

“Sorry to wake you. I just wanted to let you know I got in okay and that-”

Sara hung up.

Jared quietly put down the phone. She was safe. For now.

She hadn’t been able to sleep since his phone call. She was fine when he left the apartment, and she was fine when she didn’t know where he was, but from the moment he called to say he was okay, she couldn’t relax. Maybe it was the sound of his voice, or maybe it was her conscience. Either way, it was finally starting to sink in. She’d have to do this one alone.