J. Konrath - Fuzzy Navel

Let’s make it worse.

I consider where the first bullet should go. Foot? Knee? Balls.

No. His other hand.

I’m such a little stinker.

I aim, adjusting for the wind, visualizing the shot like I learned in basic training.

Then a patch of grass explodes just a few feet to my left, accompanied by a BANG!

Phin found himself a rifle.

He obviously can’t shoot for shit. I’m less than a hundred yards away. Hell, with these guns a blind preschooler could shoot the shine off a penny from three quarters of a mile. I switch position, sight his blond head in the rear window of the Bronco, and squeeze the trigger a fraction of a second after I see him ducking down.

Crap. Miss.

No problem. He got lucky. And luck doesn’t last forever. Jack has learned that particular lesson well to night. Phin will learn it too.

I eject the round, seek out the backpack full of clips that the snipers have so graciously left me. Without taking my eyes off of Phin I select one, my fingers feeling to make sure it’s loaded. It’s empty. I try another. Also empty.

The whole bag is filled with empty clips.

Phin fires again, and it kicks up a clod of dirt only a few inches from my hip.

Rather than dwell on the misfortune of unfolding events, I decide to get proactive. I detach the night scope and stick it in my pocket. Staying on my elbows and toes, I inch backward down the slope of the small hill I’m perched on, stopping periodically to tuck down and roll left or right. Phin keeps shooting at me, keeps missing, and then I’m out of his line of fire, on my feet, and sprinting toward the woods adjacent to the road.

Shooting isn’t the only thing the marines taught me. I can also sneak like a cat.

I cut right, make my way through a hundred yards of trees, then circle back and head for the Bronco, slow and low, silent as death.

She’s lying on the floor, and there’s tremendous pressure on her leg, accompanied by a dull ache.

A bullet wound?

“I need a fucking vacation.”

“Harry?”

That’s the pressure. Harry’s fallen on top of her.

“Mom? You got those codeine pills on you? Gimme about ten.”

“Were you shot?” Mary asks.

“I don’t think so. Only holes I got in me are the ones that are supposed to be there.”

“You’re on my leg, dear.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Harry moves, and the pressure is replaced by the pins and needles sensation of blood returning. Mary sits up and rubs her leg with both palms.

Gunshots. From the garage.

Jacqueline.

Mary looks around, spies the large handgun on the floor next to the dead man. She crawls over to it, clasps it between her hands. She tries to curl her fingers around it, but they won’t cooperate.

“Give it here, Mom.” Harry takes it in his left hand and points it at the refrigerator door. “Stand back.”

Mary obeys. Harry fires at the door handle, and it shears away, releasing his prosthetic claw.

“Should have done that to begin with,” he says. “Where’s Jack?”

“Garage, with the other sniper.”

Harry puts a protective arm around Mary, hustles her into the kitchen.

“Stay down, Mom. I’ll be back in a second, right after I give that son of a bitch a lead enema.”

Harry gives her a quick kiss on the cheek, then runs off.

That’s my boy .

THE SPLIT-TAIL is at his mercy, and Munchel likes the feeling.

He likes the look of defeat on her battered face. Of submission. She’s resigned herself to death at his hands.

But he’s not ready to kill her yet.

He backhands her, and she doesn’t even try to block it. Such a far cry from the cocky cop who almost shot him.

Munchel grins. It’s always been a secret shame of his that he hasn’t ever had sex without paying for it. But he’s going to now. Her face is all bruised and puffy, but she’s got good legs, a nice ass. He’s going to ride this bitch like-

“Hey! Rambozo!”

Munchel whips his head around. Sees the man with the bionic hand standing in the doorway. In his real hand is Pessolano’s Desert Eagle.

“I wanted you to see it coming,” the man says.

Munchel backs away, his hands up in protest.

The man fires six times in rapid succession.

Miraculously, the first five shots completely miss.

Unfortunately, the last one doesn’t.

It drills Munchel in the stomach, and feels like getting hit with a miner’s pick. Munchel doubles over, dropping the knife, falling to his knees, and then to his side. He curls into a fetal position, clutching the fire in his belly. This isn’t like the other time he got shot, that wussy slap in the back. This is awful.

He lifts a hand to his face, sees the blood.

But I’m wearing body armor, he thinks. This isn’t fair.

“You okay, sis?” The man bends down next to the cop, helps her up.

“I’ll live. Where’s Mom?”

“I’m here.”

Munchel looks left, watches an old broad come into the garage. They all share a group hug. It’s a big happy goddamn Walton family reunion, and he’s lying here in agony, bleeding to death.

“Help me,” Munchel whispers.

The bionic guy walks up to him, squints. “You’re lucky I suck lefty. I was aiming for your head.”

“It hurts.”

“I can fix that,” the man says. “Don’t worry. I won’t miss this time.”

Munchel feels the barrel press against his forehead. His bladder lets go, soaking his fatigues.

“You… you have to help me,” Munchel states. “You’re a cop.”

“She’s a cop,” the guy says. “I used to be a cop, but they kicked me off the force for not following the rules.” The man grins. “I’m not big on rules.”

Munchel’s entire being is focused on the cold steel between his eyes. This isn’t how things are supposed to end.

“I’m begging you. Don’t kill me. Please please please don’t kill me.”

“Do me a favor. When you get to hell, give Hitler a kick in the balls and tell him it’s from Harry McGlade.”

He cocks the Desert Eagle.

“No!”

“Harry, don’t.”

The split-tail. She won’t let him do it. Thank God.

“You want the honors, Jackie?”

“Don’t waste the bullets. Alex is still out there.”

“Gotcha. How about I use the chain saw? See what this guy had for breakfast?”

Munchel starts to cry.

“Go find the cuffs, Harry. Check the kitchen.”

“Your house, your rules.” He hands the gun, butt-first, to Jackie the cop, then trots out of the garage.

“Call an ambulance,” Munchel whines. “Jesus, it hurts.”

“That might be a problem,” Jackie says. “Some assholes cut the landlines and are using a cell phone jammer.”

“Roof,” Munchel says. “Pessolano threw it on the roof.”

“Where on the roof?”

“Somewhere over the garage. Switch it off. Call for help.”

“Was it just the three of you?” she asks.

“Yeah. Me, Pessolano, and Swanson.”

“If there’s another one of you idiots out there, I might get killed, and then I’ll let Harry go Black and Decker on your ass.”

“I’m the last one. I swear. Find the jammer.” Munchel moans. It feels like he swallowed a hot coal. “Jesus, the pain is getting worse.”

Jackie pats him down, taking the Desert Eagle from his holster, and his wallet from his back pocket.

“James Michael Munchel,” she says, reading his driver’s license. “You have the right to remain silent.”

Munchel tunes out her spiel. He doesn’t give a hoot about his rights. He’s focusing on something else. Something only a few feet away.