Carol Ericson - Circumstantial Memories

The blood thundering in his ears, Ryder jumped up from his chair, knocking it to the floor. That SOB. Jeremy lucked out being dead.

Brody held his hand out, palm forward to stop Ryder. “Go on, Julia. What happened after Jeremy hit you?”

“A fight. An explosion.” Julia drew her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I don’t want to remember.”

As her words ended on a wail, Ryder charged across the room and dropped to his knees in front of her chair. “Bring her out, doc,” he shouted.

“Julia, you’re here in my office. You’re not in Tucson. You’re safe. It’s safe to come back.”

She stopped rocking and collapsed back in her chair, sobbing.

Whispering nonsense in her ear, Ryder gathered Julia in his arms and stroked her back. Her head fell to his shoulder as she clung to him.

She remembered. She remembered why she went to Tucson, and she remembered she’d done it to save his life. How much more would it take for her to remember their love and to figure out Shelby belonged to him?

JULIA SPLASHED cold water on her face and then gripped the edge of the vanity with wet hands as she peered into the mirror. She looked the same. Somehow she always figured when her memory returned she’d look different, she’d more closely resemble that woman who had a life and a past before Silverhill, before Shelby.

She slid the elastic band from her ponytail and shook her hair loose. Wide brown eyes stared back. Sweet, helpless, vulnerable Julia. The good people of Silverhill had treated her that way for so long, she’d become that person.

But now she knew different.

Would a sweet woman end her marriage at the first sign of infidelity?

Would a helpless woman travel halfway across the world to save her…friend?

Would a vulnerable woman escape from a murder scene and an explosion while seven months pregnant?

Why did she sleep with her ex-husband after their separation anyway? It must’ve been good-bye sex, and obviously Jeremy didn’t know about the pregnancy until he saw her. As the memories flooded her brain during the hypnosis, she recalled that her pregnancy angered Jeremy. He hit her because of the pregnancy.

Her gut clenched and she folded her arms across her stomach. Her ex-husband was a snake, just like the one tattooed on his arm. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t remember his face. She could recall the anger emanating from him, but his face remained a blur.

And Ryder? Jim didn’t take her down that path of memories, and despite her best efforts, she couldn’t scale the wall that still existed when she thought of Ryder. She’d sensed great relief when she remembered taking the computer disc to Jeremy and knowing it would keep Ryder safe. Had they been more than good friends? The way her pulse raced in his presence indicated they’d shared something together.

She shook her head and yanked a paper towel from the dispenser. He would’ve told her…unless he didn’t want the relationship anymore. And why would he? He remembered Julia Rousseau as a sophisticated party girl, not this broken, pathetic woman who jumped at her own shadow.

Her body jerked when someone tapped on the bathroom door.

“Julia, are you all right in there?” Ryder opened the door a crack.

“I’m fine. Give me a minute.” She plowed through her purse and dug out her makeup bag. She blotted her red nose with some powder and brushed black mascara on her eyelashes. Rose lipstick completed the repairs and she shoved out of the bathroom.

Ryder and Jim, heads together, huddled outside Jim’s office. Were they plotting their next assault on her mind?

They looked up with matching frowns when she cleared her throat. “Don’t look so worried. I’m good. I think it was a great session. If you hadn’t pulled me out, Jim, I’m sure I would’ve remembered precisely what happened at that bungalow in Tucson and how I wound up in that stolen car.”

“You were stressing out. We’ll get there.” Jim leaned a shoulder against the wall.

“Good. There are other things I need to explore.” Her gaze swept to Ryder’s face and then back to Jim’s. “Maybe after a while I won’t even need hypnosis to get there.”

“That’s what I’m hoping. You need some quiet time every night before you go to bed to let the memories wash over you. They’ll come.”

“Would you like to get something to eat while we’re in Durango?” Ryder checked his watch. “Maybe dinner?”

“Sure, I’ll call Millie and let her know I’ll be late picking up Shelby.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Jim hugged her, pulling her body close to his for a moment, his hand hovering over her loose hair.

She stiffened. Jim had always been affectionate with her, but at times his touch felt more like a caress and occasionally his e-mails and phone calls veered more toward the personal than the professional. For a patient with no family and no past the personal touch worked, but under Ryder’s watchful eye she backed out of Jim’s embrace.

“I could use a drink, but I’m fine.”

“And something to eat.” Ryder grabbed her hand, pulling her out of Jim’s sphere. “Is it okay if I leave the truck in the parking structure, Jim? There’s a great steak house down the street, and we can walk from here.”

Jim’s gaze flicked over their clasped hands. “No problem. Julia, we’ll discuss what came out of the hypnosis next week. I have one more patient for the day. Have a nice evening and try to relax. We made great progress today.”

As they headed down the hallway, Ryder squeezed her hand. “You done good, kiddo.”

“I didn’t remember everything that happened in Tucson. I can’t remember Jeremy’s face and I don’t know how I managed to snare a stolen car packed with cash.” She screwed up her face. “I don’t know why I risked giving sensitive information to Jeremy to save your life.”

“You’re a loyal friend.” He kissed the side of her head. “But I never would’ve allowed you to make that trip if I’d known what you were up to.”

He punched the elevator button and then cocked his head. “How do you know that CD contained sensitive information?”

“Makes sense, doesn’t it? Otherwise, I could’ve dropped it in the mail. No, Jeremy wanted me to hand-deliver that disc.”

The elevator rumbled down to the lobby of the building and placing his hand against the small of her back, Ryder steered Julia toward the front door. “Let’s give your brain a break and satisfy some of those primal needs.”

Julia dropped her lashes and shot a glance at Ryder from beneath them. It had been a while since she’d thought about her primal needs, but Ryder McClintock had all the equipment to satisfy them.

After a heavy meal of steak and potatoes, Julia leaned her head back against the leather banquette. “I feel like I’ve been talking about me and Shelby all through dinner. What about you? Why’d you leave this beautiful place for a life of secrets in foreign places?”

“You’ve met the McClintock bunch. Isn’t it obvious?”

She swirled her ruby-colored merlot, which Ryder knew to order for her without even asking. “Your stepmother’s a control freak, your father’s autocratic, your older brother, Rod, seems to be following in his boot steps, and your younger brother, Rafe, came back to Silverhill after working as a cop in L.A. just to prove to them that he had his own sphere of authority.”

Ryder grinned and tossed his napkin on the table. “You just about nailed that. Now you know why I left.”

“To prove yourself, but you took an extreme route.”

“I didn’t need to prove myself.” He twisted the napkin. “I just don’t like being ordered around like some clueless ranch hand.”