Karen Rose - Have You Seen Her?

Steven shook his head stubbornly. "I can't… no, I won't put the boys through that again."

"You didn't put them through it the first time, Steven," Mike reminded him. As if he could forget . "You brushed the truth under the rug and let the world believe what you wanted them to believe." Mike frowned, his voice growing stern. "You lied to your children."

Steven squeezed his eyes closed, clenched his fist tight. "1 know. Dammit, don't you think I know?" Then Mike covered Steven's clenched fist with his steady hand and just held it there.

"I know you know, Steven," he said softly. "And I know you believe you did the right thing by the boys by not telling them the truth about Melissa's death."

"I did do the right thing," Steven hissed, feeling it all come back. Four years of hurt he'd so successfully buried came rushing back. Now he remembered why it had been so long since he'd been to church. "What good would it have done them to know she was deserting us? To tell them her lover smashed up her car because he was too drunk to walk, much less drive? That she was hurrying to the airport with her married lover ?" He spat the word, knowing no other way to make it sound as bad as it really was. "What good would it have done to tell them she didn't even intend to say good-bye to her own children , that she just left me a note ?" He squeezed his eyes tighter and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "What good would it possibly have done, Mike?" he whispered, his voice shaking. " Tell me . Please, tell me."

Mike sighed heavily. "I don't know, Steven," he murmured. "But I do know that in spite of all you've done to protect your family, it hasn't made any of you any happier."

There was nothing to say to dispute that so Steven said nothing and Mike removed his steadying hand and leaned back in the pew.

"I take it I'm still the only one who knows," Mike said after another minute of quiet.

Steven opened his eyes, then narrowed them. "You are."

"Hmm. So I'm the only person you could come to when you finally realized you've painted yourself in a corner with this ridiculous ban you've put on marriage."

"It's not ridic-"

"Hush, Steven. Save it for yourself because I'm not buying. So tell me about this Jenna."

"There is nothing to tell," Steven insisted through clenched teeth.

"I sincerely doubt that. What's her last name?"

Steven twisted in the pew so he faced forward, his arms pulled tightly across his body. "Marshall," he answered.

"And what does she do?"

"She's a teacher." He threw a sour look over his shoulder. "She's Brad's teacher."

"Oh. Well, now the picture's a bit clearer. I bet she's kind."

"Yes."

"Pretty?"

Steven drew a breath, irritated. "Yes." Let it out. "She's kind and pretty." Anger started to simmer deep inside him. "You want to know the truth, Father Leone? You want to know it all? Every last dark thought in my soul? Okay, fine . I want her. I haven't had sex in four years and I want her ."

He exhaled, the burst of temper leaving him drained. "But I can't have her."

"Because you choose not to marry her."

Steven stiffened at the disapproval in Mike's voice. "That is correct, Father."

"You're a fool, Steven Thatcher."

"Why, because I believe in sex within the sanctity of marriage? I thought that would earn me some brownie points," Steven said bitterly.

"It earns you a hair shirt and a flogging strap," Mike snapped back. "If you want to be a martyr, do it in somebody else's church, because I don't want to hear it anymore."

Steven turned back in the pew to find Mike red-faced and visibly trembling. "What does that mean exactly, Father Leone?" he asked coldly.

Mike's chin came up, challenge in his dark eyes. "It means that you have set up a situation that's a no-win for everyone."

"So what do you recommend, Father ?"

"If you ask me as Father Leone, I'm not going to recommend anything," Mike said sharply.

Mike was hurt, Steven realized with a shock. He'd always thought Mike impervious to insult, but that was obviously not the case. This man was his best friend. He'd been best man at his wedding, had christened both Matt and Nicky. Softening, he met Mike's flashing eyes and asked, "So what do you recommend, my friend?"

Mike stilled. "Don't swear you'll never marry again, Steven. It's not right for you to be alone. You need help with the boys, someone to support you when life doesn't work out the way you plan."

Steven thought about the support he'd felt just talking to Jenna Marshall. He could easily see her in that role-help-ing with the boys, supporting him. But still… "I don't want her around the boys," he insisted. "They'll get attached to her, and if it doesn't work out…"

Mike nodded thoughtfully. "I can see where that is a legitimate concern. So spend time with her away from the boys. Take her to dinner." He lifted a brow. "Take her to church."

Steven smiled. "Yes, Father."

"But also realize you are putting this woman under an enormous level of scrutiny. That's not fair to her. At some point you will know enough. You need to know in advance what that point is."

Steven was considering that advice when the clock in the old tower chimed. One in the morning. Where had the time gone? He stood up. "I have to get up in a few hours for a meeting at the office." He stuck out his hand. "Thanks, Mike."

Mike looked at his hand a moment, then stood and embraced him over the pew. "I've missed you, Steven. Please don't make me wait so long before I see you again."

"You can come see me. They don't lock you up in here, do they?" Steven asked, going for a jaunty grin that felt forced.

"Only on Thursdays." Mike patted his stomach under the biack robes. "And that's only because Sal's Pizza has an all-you-can-eat special that night." He walked with Steven toward the doors. "What case are you working now that has you meeting so early on a Saturday?"

Steven sighed. "You've heard about the two girls missing from their beds?"

Mike's face tightened. "I have. Their families are part of this parish."

Steven stopped. "You're kidding."

Mike shook his head and looked back toward the altar.

"That's why I was here so late tonight. Samantha Eggle-ston's parents were here most of last night praying for her return. I thought they might come back tonight."

"Can you think of anything the two girls had in common?"

Mike frowned. "I've thought of nothing else since the Egglestons called me yesterday morning. Only that they were both cheerleaders. Both were shy, which surprised me. I always thought cheerleaders were outgoing and confident, but neither of these two were. They went to different schools, really didn't hang out with each other while they were here. I can have their youth pastor call you tomorrow, if you like."

Steven's mind was racing again. "'Please. Thanks, Mike." He started off toward the door, but Mike caught his sleeve.

"I want to help those families any way I can, Steven, but it's hard to hold out hope. Do you think there's a chance we'll get Sammie back? Alive?"

Steven hesitated. "Between you and me, no. But please don't tell her parents that."

"You have my word."

Steven pushed the door open and felt the cold night air on his face again. "Thanks, Mike." He walked out of the church with more to think about than when he'd gone in. But there was a peace as well, one he hadn't felt in a very long time.

He'd focus on Samantha Eggleston and Brad for now, but the idea of exploring a relationship with Jenna Marshall little by little held incredible appeal. Soon, he promised himself. He'd call her up and ask her out to dinner sometime soon.